


Stray Dog

by icedllatte



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternative Lifestyles, Bottom Lim Changkyun |I.M, Flirty Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Fluff and Angst, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, M/M, Minor Lee Jooheon/Lee Minhyuk, Minor Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun, Orphan Lim Changkyun | I.M, Out of Character, Sarcasm, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, lonely hoseok, moody hoseok, reckless Changkyun, waiter hoseok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-03-05 16:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 70,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13391502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedllatte/pseuds/icedllatte
Summary: Hoseok had never liked dogs.





	1. 01

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hoseok had never liked dogs.

Watching them from afar wasn't really a problem, nor he was scared of them. Just, he couldn't bear the idea of having one by his side. Dogs were loud, needy, affectionate. Kind of cute, probably, but he wouldn't allow himself getting close to any kind of being just because of its looks. Also, Hoseok was allergic to dogs and honestly, he didn't consider that as a bad thing.  
He didn't like them in the first place, so being allergic was another, valuable reason to stay away from them.

Not that he ever owned a pet in his life anyway.  
  
When he was little and still lived with his mom, she wouldn't allow any animal in their house. Because of hygienic reasons, that's true, but mostly because they both could barely make it to the end of each month every year. There was no way they could deal with another mouth to feed. Money was a huge problem and nothing really had changed from that time. Even if he was now living on his own, Hoseok kept struggling with food, bills, and necessities. His mom still needed his help so he would send her a small amount of money at the beginning of every month. He wasn't the type to complain about it though. He still had a job, working as a waiter in an Italian restaurant right in the middle of Gangnam, and he had a roof over his head. A two-room apartment in Hongdae that was honestly kind of ruined, but nothing less than that. He was well aware that some people out there living in the street would have killed to be in his place.

Back to the main topic, Hoseok really had never liked dogs. He couldn't help but think about it at that point. He was standing in the middle of an alley, holding an umbrella because it was raining and who the fuck knew why he decided to stop right there while coming back home from work.  
He was sure he had never noticed that alley before, not even once in two years.

A voice inside his mind was telling him that he shouldn't be there, that he was still in time to turn back and go home. But he had never trusted his mind anyway.

Hoseok hated dogs, especially when their fur was damp and stinky. He curled his nose as he stepped forward, the smell of gutter filled his nostrils while that alley was getting darker and darker.  
He stopped at some point, still holding his umbrella open above his head.

«What are you doing down there?» He asked, his voice echoed and bounced between the dirty walls.

There was a puppy hidden behind the dumpsters. He was curled up, still, and dirty.  
Hoseok noticed the blood that covered almost half of his face and he could tell it was dry just by looking at it.

Since he didn't receive an answer, Hoseok moved a little bit closer. The pouring rain was hitting the dog's tiny figure and Hoseok moved his umbrella a little bit forward to cover his body.  
The strong smell made him feel nauseous once again.  
«Hey, I'm talking to you,» Hoseok gave the stinky dog a soft kick and hummed as he saw him slightly moving. «So you're not dead,» he said in a flat voice, kneeling down to give a closer look at that face.

Warm ash blonde hair, long lashes, well-shaped nose, small lips. That was quite a sight. Too bad he was covered in dirt and bruises.

«You must have pissed out someone a lot to make them hurt you like that,» Hoseok spoke his mind and started scratching his nape. The sky was darkening, the air was getting colder and without the umbrella covering his back he was starting to shiver.  
Getting sick was definitely not an option in Hoseok's case, so he had to leave as soon as possible.

«Look, it's not like I have a choice.» He was talking as if the other could actually hear him. Not that he cared by the way.

Hoseok stood up, then moved closer again. He lowered his body and reached for the figure with his left arm, lifting him off the ground. He wasn't surprised by his lightweight and didn't find it difficult to place him over his shoulder.  
Hoseok was lucky enough to have a fit and strong body, unlike that stinky dog that was now shivering under his arm.

Walking out of the alley and going for the narrow streets that he knew wouldn't be much crowded, Hoseok kept throwing short glances at his side. He cursed himself when he decided to turn his head too, only to find himself touching those wet, dirty clothes with the tip of his nose.

«Fuck,» he groaned, pulling out the most disgusted expression as he pulled back his neck. «You need a shower.»

He muttered in the end and turned back to look at the street. They weren't that far from his house.

Hoseok found a stray dog on the street that day. He was dirty, obviously needy, and strangely quiet. He was not a dog like the all the others, just because he was not a dog at all, but that was how Hoseok kept picturing him in his mind.

That was the easiest way, picturing him as one of the things he disliked the most.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello ~ an italian monbebe here!  
> this is my first fan fiction about monsta x and also my first time writing something in english after a VERY long time so please bear with me and my possible mistakes. 
> 
> there's nothing much I have to say but I hope you guys enjoy this fic, it's nothing much and the chapters won't be the longest you've ever seen but when the idea popped in my mind I had to catch it!
> 
> thank you guys in advance if you decided to click on my title and read my work! <3
> 
> have fun with the first chapter!
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @wontokkii  
> instagram: @icedllatte


	2. 02

 

 

 **phone call** ㅡ 주헌

 _"Jooheon? It's Hoseok. Sorry for calling you this late._  
_(...) Yes, how are you? (...) I see. That's good._  
_(...) Listen up, are you busy at the moment? (...) Mhm._  
_(...) Great. Can you come to my apartment then? I need your help._  
_(...) No, no. Nothing bad happened. I just... I found a dog."_

 

 

 

  
«What the fuck, hyung?!» Jooheon jumped back as soon as he entered the bedroom, almost tripping over his own feet. His right hand was placed on his chest, clutching the shirt as if he was trying hard to prevent his heart from exploding. Hoseok had just closed the door of the apartment and he approached Jooheon with a few steps, not even looking at him since that kind of reactions were nothing new. Jooheon was younger than him by a year and he was a true scaredy-cat, Hoseok lost count of how many things the younger was afraid of.

Hoseok and Jooheon had been friends for almost two years. They met at the restaurant where Hoseok worked, exactly three or four months after he got hired. It was an evening in December, Jooheon was an intern in one of the most famous hospitals in Seoul and he was having dinner with many of his superiors. To make it short, Jooheon was struggling with all the pressure and the alcohol going on at that table and Hoseok noticed it, so he pretended to be an old friend from school and approached Jooheon out of nothing, invited him for a quick talk and excused him from his superiors. Jooheon had a few minutes for breathing again and thanked Hoseok, the two of them shared a few laughs and that's basically how they became friends. The hospital wasn't that far from the restaurant and even now they would occasionally hang around during breaktimes.

Hoseok knew Jooheon was reliable, that's why he called him.

«Come on. I told you I need your help,» Hoseok said with a calm voice. He patted his friend's shoulder as he entered the bedroom and Jooheon - still unsure and holding his breath as if he was underwater - followed him.

There was a boy laying on Hoseok's bed. That's the reason why Jooheon's heart almost dropped a few seconds before. That boy was sleeping, or at least that's how it looked like. His face, bust, and arms were covered in bruises and cold sweat, he was wearing a pair of sweatpants that was definitely too big for him so his legs couldn't be seen but at that point, Jooheon was sure about the reason why Hoseok asked for his specific help. He could see the boy was having a hard time sleeping. Even if his eyes were closed, his eyelids were trembling and his mouth was slightly open as he was panting. He looked so fragile.

Jooheon let out a loud sigh, then nervously ran his fingers through his chocolate brown hair.

«Okay, so...» he placed both of his hands on his waist and turned to Hoseok who was looking at him impatiently. «I may be wrong but it's totally NOT a dog that I see laying on your bed --,» he paused for a few seconds, then dramatically slapped a hand on his forehead. «AAH, how the heck could I fall for it?! You're fucking allergic to dogs, hyung!» He exclaimed in a frustrated tone, looking up at the ceiling.

«I'm sorry I lied to you, but I didn't want you to freak out on the phone or on the way here,» Hoseok replied, walking to the bed.

«Well, what's the difference if I'm freaking out right now, hyung?!», Jooheon shouted back.  
Hoseok sat at the foot of the bed, now looking at the boy who still wasn't sleeping properly. His face was almost emotionless. «You're a doctor, aren't you?»

Jooheon kept his mouth shut for a second, then replied. «Not yet.»

«But you're good enough to be called as one. I need you to check on his condition. Showering him was the only thing I could do...» Hoseok rested his chin on the palm of his hand and looked at Jooheon. «Please, Jooheonie,» he said, smiling softly.

Jooheon had seen that smile multiple times already and he was so damn sick of it but yet, he didn't know why, he fell for it no matter what. He walked to the bed while still cursing his charismatic hyung in his mind and took off his jacket, handing it to Hoseok. He was... almost, a doctor for God's sake. He was going to do something for that stranger because that was what doctors did.

He started checking the boy's face first. You could notice how much experience he had already by his careful and gentle touch and focused look.

«You should have taken him to the hospital, hyung...», he said while carefully turning the boy's head from side to side.

Hoseok looked up at him and removed his hand from his mouth.

«Yeah, I would have done it if I didn't know you. But thinking about the circumstances in which I met him, he doesn't look like a person who wants to be found so easily. Also, to be honest...» now he was looking at the boy again, curling his lips. «I just thought he needed company, not a doctor.»

Jooheon sighed as he went on checking the boy's body, a small smile now shaping his lips.

«So, how did you guys meet, exactly?» He asked vaguely.

Hoseok scratched his nape, his plump lips were now curled in a pouty expression.  
«I found him in an alley on the way home almost a couple of hours ago, here in Hongdae. He was all curled up behind the dumpsters, stinky and dirty as fuck. Like a stray dog, crying for help. I don't even know why I stopped by that alley, I've never noticed it before.»

Jooheon looked at him out of the corner of his eye, trying to keep it cool.  
«I see,» he murmured.

He left the room without saying nothing and then came back with his case from the hospital that he had previously left on the table.

«You're lucky I always bring this with me, hyung. Now move, I need to take his pulse, measure his blood pressure and body temperature and all that kind of stuff. The wound on his left temple his quite deep, I'll have to get it sewn up.»

Hoseok got up from the bed and smiled, ruffling the younger's hair in the process.  
«Thank you, Jooheonie. I owe you one.»

Jooheon shook his head, now way more relaxed than before.  
«He just looks worse than his actual conditions, as of now, I think he's going to be okay. Also, hyung, you owe me more than one!» He bragged around and placed the stethoscope in his ears, Hoseok gave him a soft nudge and left him to his job.

  
Everything was done after almost an hour. Jooheon wanted to be sure the boy didn't have any broken bone or concussion before leaving. Obviously, he told Hoseok to watch for the boy to wake up and that if anything had happened, he would've had to immediately bring him to the hospital.

Hoseok sat at the foot of his bed once again, his arms resting lazily between his legs. He did nothing but kept staring at the boy laying there. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully thanks to the injections Jooheon did, that was good. His friend also left him with some medicines to give him when he wakes up but to be completely honest, Hoseok didn't even know what he should do when that happens. Not that he really thought about it. For example, he would have never trusted a stranger offering him medicines, especially after waking up in his bed.

«Shit...» Hoseok sighed, letting his body fall backward. He listened to the creaking sound of the bed under his weight. Now he was laying sideways but it was still comfortable.  
«You're putting me in such a trouble, you know?» Once again, he was talking as if the other could hear him. He closed his eyes and breathed in. It was late and his bed was taken.  
«You're lucky that it's the weekend tomorrow,» he muttered, feeling all the tiredness of the day running through his body.  
«Just, be a good dog and stay there», he was slurring his words and not really paying attention to what he was saying, but before he could add anything else he was already asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_"Where am I?"_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**the day after; 8:47 a.m.**

 

  
A rustle of sheets and soft moans slowly started to come out the bed. The window that had been left open from the previous night let the morning light fill the whole bedroom and Hoseok's body woke up to a comforting sensation of warmth. He yawned while lifting up his back from the mattress and he felt a slight pain hitting his nape. _"That's what you get from sleeping sideways on a queen-sized bed,"_ he thought, tilting his head from side to side to crack his neck.

He was about to leave the bed and go wash his face when he noticed some movements under the sheets. That stray dog he found on the street was all curled up to his pillow and squeezing his eyes, clearly annoyed by the light coming from the window.  
Hoseok decided to stay quiet and just watched, waiting for him to wake up completely. Besides, thinking about something to say would've been a great idea... but Hoseok wasn't that good with words. He was sure about that. When the boy finally opened his eyes, he could see their honey brown color and thought that it matched his hair. But yet, he said nothing.

The boy tried to get up, but he ended up leaning on his elbows since his body was probably too weak to move. Hoseok hesitated for a second, not really sure if it was okay for him to help the other out now that he was coming back to his senses. He looked confused as expected, he was so panicked that he didn't even look at Hoseok but just kept turning his head and stare at his surroundings.  
Hoseok faked a cough and brought a hand to his own black hair, messing it up a little. At that point, there was no time for thinking and he just decided to talk.

«You're awake,» he said.

The boy gulped and looked at him in shock.

«Who...who are you?» His voice was deep despite his soft looks, Hoseok raised an eyebrow, definitely surprised. He opened his mouth to answer when the other screamed so suddenly.  
«And why am I half-naked?!» He was looking down at his torso and immediately rushed to grab the sheets to cover his body.

Hoseok sighed and attempted to speak again, but the boy was now staring at him with the most scared yet challenging eyes.

«...who the fuck are you and what did you do to me?», he groaned.

«First of all, calm down,» Hoseok said, almost annoyed. «I didn't lay a hand on you if that's what you're worried about.»

«What about my clothes, then?», the boy interrupted him, still clutching the sheets. He had already curled his body onto the head of the bed, keeping as much distance as possible between him and that stranger.

«They were dirty so I did the laundry,» Hoseok answered, pointing at some clothes on his desk.

«What?!», the boy shouted again but this time he looked like he felt a sudden pain in his head. He grabbed it in his hands, squeezed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Hoseok remembered about the wound on his temple and looked at the medicines Jooheon gave him that were placed on the nightstand nearby.

«Look, I...» he tried to gain the boy's attention but it didn't work out since he was still fighting the pain. Hoseok bit his lower lip, thoughtful: he wasn't sure about the reaction he was going to get by doing it but he still placed a hand on the other's head.

He felt his whole body shivering.

«If you promise not to freak out every five seconds, I'll explain,» he murmured. The boy finally seemed to calm down a little, the pain from the wound was probably diminishing. «My name's Hoseok. What's yours?»

The boy lifted his head and looked at him, pouty and with furrowed eyebrows.

«Changkyun.»

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, second chapter is here!  
> it was coming out way longer than i expected so i decided to stop at some point, just because i like to leave you guys pending : ) 
> 
> tell me what you think in the comments! comments are my daily bread lol  
> as always, BIG DISCLAIMER: english is not my first language so i'm sure there's going to be tons of mistakes here and there, i'll try to check them out with a fresh mind as I did with the first chapter. 
> 
> as of now, please enjoy! <3 
> 
>  
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @wontokkii  
> instagram: @icedllatte


	3. 03

 

 

  
_«My name's Hoseok. What's yours?»_

 

_«Changkyun.»_

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok spaced out for a second, it happened to him quite often. Changkyun. Changkyun... Changkyun, huh? What an unusual name. Not really suitable for a dog though. He blinked his eyes: that was not the right time to think about something like that, was it?

For the first time in his life probably, Hoseok was blaming himself for not being good at carrying on any proper conversation. Not that he wasn't talkative enough, it just really depended on the other person. With Jooheon for example, or with his co-worker Yoo Kihyun, that was an easy thing. It came up naturally, after years and years of knowing each other and thanks to the not-so-terrible personalities of both of them, he would say. On the other hand, when it came to strangers and sometimes even with the customers at the restaurant, he couldn't help but not feel anything, not even the slightest connection. That was when he would rely on the sharpest sarcasm and most naked truth, both shot with not much caring. A method like that wouldn't work out most of the times, bringing nothing but troubles, but yet that was the only one he knew and could rely on.

Hoseok couldn't really remember when things became like that. When everything started to taste stale, bland and the world seemed to move slower and slower every day.

To be honest, the dog he found which was now sitting on his bed and stared at him with eyes full of mistrust, had to be considered the first huge change in his routine after a long time.

But yet, he wouldn't feel thankful at all. That was in fact, nothing less but bothersome, wasn't it?

He was curious, though. Could it be the correct term to use?  
Even if it's not... it still sounded like the most acceptable in his mind, and Hoseok would latch on to that.

«Stop touching me,» Changkyun growled between his teeth and shooked his head so suddenly, swatting away Hoseok's hand. How was he supposed to trust such a stranger? He woke up finding himself half-naked, in a house he'd never been before and with a guy he didn't know. Changkyun felt weird and he didn't like it.

«Alright,» Hoseok looked at him and didn't flinch. His eyes moved from the boxes of medicines at his side, to the clothes on top of his desk and decided to go for those, thinking that wearing proper clothing would make the boy feeling a little bit more at ease.

He walked away and grabbed a pair of underwear, socks, quite beat-up jeans, shoes and a large grey hoodie.

«Your clothes aren't completely dry yet, but you can wear these,» he said quietly, handing everything to Changkyun. «They are mine but they're quite old, so I think they'll fit you. Shoes are yours.» He added.

Changkyun moved away once again, refusing to reach for the other's hand. He was completely distrustful and Hoseok could figure it out way too easily.

He half-closed his eyes, sighing softly.  
«You don't want them? You'll get cold, you know,» he said.

«Don't come any closer,» Changkyun muttered with his back already glued to the wall. He was stiff but his eyes were shaking. The bed was a mess already, with wrinkled and curled sheets. Changkyun then confined himself to the nearest corner. «Drop them on the floor and don't come any closer.»

«Okay, don't worry,» Hoseok wondered if someone else in his place would feel pissed at that point. He wondered if he should've just told Changkyun the truth and shout to his face that he should've been grateful because he, in fact, did nothing but saved his life that night.

Yes, someone else probably would. But Hoseok wasn't feeling like it. Actually, he could understand that wounded puppy more than himself.

He put the clothes on the floor and took a few steps back. He stood quietly as Changkyun moved away from the wall. It was obvious that he was still in pain, no wonder how carefully his wounds had been treated.

Hoseok found himself staring at those bruises with much more attention, and he couldn't feel anything. Absolutely nothing. No pity, no worry. But at the same time, he wasn't totally uninterested. Besides, he wanted to satisfy his own curiosity.

That tiny, messy, stray dog he picked up from the street... his mind kept telling him it was nothing but mere curiosity.

«What the fuck are you looking at?! Turn around!» Changkyun yelled and Hoseok came back to his senses. He saw the boy who had just pulled down his sweatpants rushing to grab the sheets to cover his bottom half as he didn't have any underwear on.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow and did as told, quite sure that he saw Changkyun pulling out a pair of flushing red cheeks.  
_"Interesting,"_ he thought, humming to himself. That puppy was indeed quite short. A strong and rebellious character inside such a little container. How dangerous could it be?

Changkyun let out a moan of pain as he stood up to wear the jeans: his legs felt numb for some reason. Hoseok didn't say anything and turned his head to him but immediately got caught in the act.

«Stop looking this way, you pervert», Changkyun hissed, moving closer to the wall at his side.

Hoseok cleared his throat and looked up at the ceiling. «You should relax a little,» he scoffed coldly.

Changkyun closed the zip of the jeans. «You should try something like this yourself before asking me to "relax a little", Mr. pervert.»

What's up with that sudden sarcasm? Once again, his voice sounded so deep.  
At a time when he was getting tired of that situation, Hoseok huffed a giggle and said: «You sure are quite talkative for somebody whose ass has been beaten up like that.»

But he got no answer this time. The boy became so quiet while lacing his shoes that Hoseok felt like there was no one else in that room but himself.

If he had to pick a color to describe that sudden atmosphere, he'd choose a deep night blue. Dark, cold, and lonely. He was used to it, though. That's why he recognized it so easily.

How naive of him to think that that day could be different from the others. And it was his fault for saying something so rude also.

He looked at Changkyun and saw him rushing to wear the hoodie. Needless to say, it was too big for him.

«I'm sorry,» he muttered.

Changkyun didn't look at him and walked to the wall. He wasn't going to sit on that bed again, not even for another second.

«You said you would explain,» he leaned against the wall, once again cursing his own legs for hurting so much. «You don't... know me, right? Then why am I here?» He was mumbling like a kid, looking down to avoid Hoseok's gaze.

Changkyun was so confused, more than Hoseok could ever guess. He was in pain, he was exhausted, his mind was a complete mess but at the same time, his brain felt empty.  
There was no memory to search for, no consolation to latch on.

«I found you on the street this night. Your conditions were much worse than this, to be honest, mostly because you were covered in blood and dirt,» Hoseok moved the chair from his desk and sat on it. «I brought you here and gave you a shower -- once again, I didn't touch you in an inappropriate way. I just wanted to make sure your bruises wouldn't get infected...»

He rubbed his nape, curling the tip of his nose. «...Then I called a friend of mine to check on you. He's studying to be a doctor but, don't worry, he's working in a hospital as an assistant and knows the job well. The wound on your temple, he sewed it up for you.»

Was he supposed to go on? Changkyun looked shocked enough already. The boy started to mess his own blondish hair and bit his bottom lip nervously.

«I - I see...,» something was not okay. Hoseok frowned, definitely perplexed.

«Do you remember who it was? To beat you up like that.»

«No... no, I don't.»

«Do you remember what you were doing yesterday?»

«No...»

«What do you remember, then?»

«Nothing. Just... my name.»

What was it? Did the head injury cause him a memory loss?  
Changkyun started to breathe heavily, beads of cold sweat formed on his forehead. Hoseok stood up from the chair and rushed to him, grabbing his wrist firmly.

«It may be due to the wound on your head. My friend left me with some medicines for you. You must take them,» that was new. He was holding onto that boy's wrist so tight but he didn't mind it. Hoseok was not a bad person, there was nothing bad about helping him.

«There should be painkillers and relaxants...» Hoseok started sorting the medicines, showing the boxes to Changkyun. «Jooheon told me you should take them only when it's needed since they're pretty strong.»

Changkyun shook his head and tried to pull away.

«I don't need them. Let me go -- I told you not to touch me!»  
He was clearly in an utter panic. Fear and confusion exceeded the physical pain. At that moment, Changkyun knew the real problem was his mind.

He saw all the pills, liquids, syringes. Something in his head was telling him that he didn't want those things. Those were scary, painful, dangerous. Hoseok... that guy, was he dangerous too?

He managed to pull away and almost tripped. He ran out of the bedroom and went to the main door.

«What the fuck -- Hey! Where are you going?!» Hoseok shouted and went after him, but only until he reached the stairs.  
He stopped right at the top step and looked down: Changkyun was out of his sight already and all he could hear was the sound of the front door closing.

«What an idiot...,» he stood there, still looking down.

The stray dog he found had just run away.

«That's his choice, it's not like I have to follow him,» he kept talking to himself without even knowing the real reason.

 _"Just get back in your house"_ , that's what he wanted to say and what, he knew, was best to do.

«He's not my problem anymore,» he said coldly before clicking his tongue and took a few steps back.

That was right. Hoseok could go back to his relaxing weekend. He had done so much just by picking that stinky dog from the street. He cleaned him up, called a doctor to dress his wounds, he even gave him his clothes...

«...my clothes,» he froze right on the spot, frowning. «Little piece of shit -- those were my clothes!» There he was, talking to himself once again.

Thanks to the little lucidity he had left, he remembered to grab his phone, wallet, and keys before shutting the door closed and running down the stairs.

 

He really, really just wanted to enjoy his peaceful weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the third chapter is finally here! I'm sorry it took a lil bit longer but I've been busy ;; I hope you like the story so far and THANK YOU SO MUCH for the comments, I see they are increasing together with the views and kudos and I don't know I'm just so happy? I feel so undeserving since my English may not be the best, but I'm happy that you guys are enjoying it!
> 
> Please leave some comments on this chapter too! As far as we know Changkyun lost his memory and Hoseok is struggling with himself. They're both quite hot-headed but while Changkyun is more childish and acts by instinct just like a stray puppy, Hoseok is lost in his deep thoughts and doesn't know how to approach people without seeming rude.  
> DEFINITELY QUITE A MATCH - COUGHS - 
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @wontokkii  
> instagram: @icedllatte
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	4. 04

 

 

 

 

 

_"I have to run."_

_"I have to run away!"_

_"From what?"_

_"From who?"_

_"To where?"_

 

The crisp late autumn air was scratching the skin of his cheeks and making the little drops of sweat on his whole face freezing cold.  
Changkyun had been running for who knows how long, cutting from one alley to the other. He didn't want to catch people's attention, but at the same time, he didn't know where he was.

He couldn't think of a familiar street, nor a place where to go.

It was morning but the sky was dark and cloudy, televisions inside cafes and restaurants were announcing that an imminent storm was coming. Changkyun sighed, slowing his pace. He was panting in a desperate need of air and pressing a hand on the bandage around his head. He could feel the wound on his temple pulsing at it started to get painful.  
He noticed some pairs of eyes staring at him as he did so and he decided to cover his head with the cap of the hoodie.

«I ran away with his clothes on...,» he muttered to himself, remembering the exact moment when Hoseok gave him his clothes to wear. Why in the world did he even accept them?

As if he was going to go back and be like "Look I'm sorry I ran away from your house with your clothes but here they are, have a good day!". No, not at all.

Changkyun ran away because he was scared. He didn't know that guy yet he found himself half-naked in his bedroom.  
Even if he really did help him, how could he know that he never touched him or stuff like that? It's not like he remembered, so...

Walking a bit more and turning at random corners without a proper reason but just by following his instinct, he got into an almost empty, narrow road. Looking around, he recognized the back of a restaurant and the door which most probably lead to the kitchen. The smell of fried chicken and onions filled his nostrils and, for how gross it may sounds, it still made his stomach growl.

He was so hungry, thirsty, and he couldn't even remember the last time he had a meal. His whole body was shivering cold and felt weak, so he thought that resting a little bit would be the best choice. He leaned against the wall and sat on the hard ground, embracing his knees.

«Sshh... shut up,» he murmured as his stomach growled again, hiding his face in his arms and keeping his eyes closed. «It's not like you're going to eat anyway.» He was talking as if his stomach was an actual living thing: it was true that hunger could drive you crazy, then.

Changkyun didn't have a clock with him, he couldn't know how many minutes, or even hours were passing by. He just kept staying huddled up on the cement, hidden in the shadows. He was desperately trying to fill his stomach with the images of food that popped into his mind with the smells coming from the restaurant.

Little drops of rain started to fall and Changkyun's body was shaking in a matter of seconds. Stupid weather, stupid body. Stop acting as you like.

He could... yeah, maybe he could knock at the restaurant's door and ask for some leftovers. He didn't care about the rain, he could eat outside if they didn't want him in, but even a small amount of rice and a glass of water would be enough for his stomach to stop aching.

He felt so miserable.

  
«Alright,» he encouraged himself. But as soon as he got up a sharp pain crossed his head, causing his body to fall onto the wall.

 _"My friend left me with some medicines for you. You must take them"_ , Hoseok's words started playing on a loop in his head all of a sudden.

He didn't take the medicines because he ran away right after Hoseok asked him to. Why? Why was he so scared? What happened in his past that he couldn't remember?

His name was Changkyun, he was sure of that but... _who was Changkyun?_

He had to do something for those wounds, or he'd be dead in a matter of days. Once again, he tried to get up, but his legs quit immediately and he fell.

The rain was increasing and many people in the next street were running and making their way into numerous shops, looking for shelter. Changkyun stared at them for the whole time and before he could even notice, his whole face and clothes were soaked in water.

It was such a mess.

«Fuck...,» his eyesight was getting blurry.

People's figures, the contours of the street, even his own hand as he tried to lift it up from the ground.

It was almost like falling asleep, just with the fear of never waking up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
«Hey.»

«Hey, clothes thief.»

«What the fuck... are you sleeping?»

«Wake up.»

«Hey, I'm talking to you!»

 

 

  
That voice sounded familiar.

Even those soft kicks against his side felt familiar.

Changkyun slowly opened his eyes and drops of water fell from his lashes, so he squeezed and rubbed them for a few seconds.

«You ran away with my clothes on,» he heard that voice again. At that point, he had already recognized the person talking to him.

It was that perverted guy, Hoseok.

He was standing in front of Changkyun, soaking wet from head to toe, breathing heavily after a long run in the cold and humid weather.

Changkyun didn't answer, because he knew he was right, and also because he still didn't want to talk to him.  
Hoseok kept looking at him and it felt exactly like the previous night. That thought made him even more nervous for some reason.

He knelt beside Changkyun, his arms resting on his knees. Changkyun's lips were visibly dry and his eyes looked like opaque marbles.

«You look like shit again. And I had you showered,» he muttered in annoyance, observing every inch of the boy's face.  
«I was going to ask you to give my clothes back, but I see that I got lucky just by finding you alive.»

Hoseok sighed, quite surprised by Changkyun's attitude even in such conditions: his eyes were dead but they still could give such a challenging look.

«You're hungry and dehydrated,» Hoseok crossed his arms, still sitting on his knees in a child-like position. Changkyun frowned. «No one's going to help you here. This so-called advanced society doesn't teach you how to take care of strangers on the street.»

Hoseok tilted his head to the right side and numerous drops of water fell from the tips of his black hair.

«I could've ignored you too, but something's telling me that I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that you're somewhere outside dying on your own.» It may sound like a line, but Changkyun was finally listening to him. He was trying to lift his head, but the pain came back and he grabbed his hair with both his hands, gritting his teeth.

«You have to take those painkillers I showed you before. And an antibiotic, to prevent an infection,» Hoseok felt uncomfortable by speaking like that: those were all such Jooheon's things to say. He reached for Changkyun's left arm and made an attempt on touching his wrist.  
«It's your choice to come with me or not. Just know that you can run away as soon as you're not risking your life anymore.»

It could've been just a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity before Changkyun actually gave him a nod. Hoseok looked kind of relieved, even though he didn't know what to expect from that moment on, yet.

Dogs really were such an annoyance.

«I guess you are not in the right conditions to walk,» Hoseok said in a lazy manner. He turned to the side, crouching even lower, and Changkyun could see his broad shoulders from the back. The other was not wearing much more clothing than him, his long-sleeved black shirt was drenched and sticking to his body, revealing soft shapes of muscles. «Let's go, put your arms around my neck. I'll carry you,» Hoseok offered as he turned his head a little and looked at the other with a straight face.

It took some time for Changkyun to actually make proper moves. He had to keel over his back before he could hold on to his neck, then he felt Hoseok's hand grabbing his thighs from the side and in a matter of seconds they were standing again.

Changkyun wasn't happy about it. In fact, he was anxious, embarrassed, hungry to the point that his stomach was growling every minute or so.

But still, as they were out on the street again and he was resting his head on that guy's back, even if the sensation of their body touching each other wasn't the most pleasant, Hoseok's words kept echoing in his mind.

Even if still not fully trustful, his instinct for survival was stronger than everything else and Changkyun allowed himself to not be scared anymore.

  
Thanks to that perverted guy he was still alive, after all.

 

 

 

 

  
[...]

 

 

 

 

 

  
«I'll bring you a towel and some water,» Hoseok had just laid Changkyun on the bed, not really caring about the sheets getting wet. That was still the most comfortable place where to sit in the whole apartment.

He made his way to the bathroom, grabbed a medium-sized towel for himself and fastly dried his face and hair in it. Then he took a large one and a glass of water from the kitchen and came back to the bedroom where Changkyun was sitting quietly, emotionless and staring at the tips of his feet.

Hoseok sat beside him and put the towel over that blondish, messy, wet hair.

«Here, drink slowly,» he told him as he rested a hand on Changkyun's nape from over the towel and took the glass to his lips, which parted immediately.

But Changkyun was thirsty and drank that water so fast that he almost choked on it. Hoseok huffed a smile for the first time.

«Told you to drink it slowly,» he murmured but Changkyun had emptied the glass already. Hoseok took it away and looked at him who was still not moving an inch.

«Okay, now take those clothes off,» a cold atmosphere followed those words. Changkyun's body stiffened and his eyes shot a doubtful stare at Hoseok, who shook his head in a fed up mode.  
«I'm telling you because you have to get dried properly, I'm not aiming at nothing else. Also, I told you I already got you showered last night.»

Changkyun sighed deeply. It was not like he was in the position to complain anyway, and he kinda hated it but decided to do as he was told.

He lifted his arms a little, then Hoseok reached for the hoodie and lifted it up over his head, throwing it on the floor. Changkyun's body felt so heavy that it was difficult for him to move without the other giving him a hand.

Hoseok, on the other hand, looked so relaxed as he was helping Changkyun to take off his jeans. His long, pale fingers were moving without hesitation, his deep brown eyes pointed at the body in front of him.

«Don't be scared,» was that an attempt to reassure him? Either of them couldn't understand, but Changkyun still nodded and Hoseok started to rub the large towel around his body as gently as possible. He concentrated on the hair, messing them around while still trying to be careful and not hurt Changkyun's head.

He saw the boy squeezing his eyes and curling his nose in annoyance and Hoseok lifted an eyebrow.  
He was really a tiny, messy, stray dog.

Everything was turning out to be quite an odd picture for Hoseok, and he was realizing it just now. Now that he came back from rescuing that puppy once again, that he knew he was there and that he could take proper care of him.

What the fuck was wrong with you, Hoseok?

«You have to eat something before taking all those medicines,» he said while wrapping Changkyun in the towel, hooding it over his head. «I'm going to see if there's still something edible in the kitchen.» And before Changkyun could even look up at him, Hoseok had already left the room.

It may sound weird but even if still exhausted, Changkyun felt like he could at least stay awake now. He didn't know the real reason though. There was a warm feeling going on, his tired eyes kept on wandering around the bedroom, from the almost empty walls to the messy desk in front of the bed. There was nothing special about that place, it looked like Hoseok didn't really pay much of attention to it.

He thought it was quite boring.

Only a few minutes had passed when Hoseok came back, holding a tablespoon in one hand and a piping hot cup in the other.

Changkyun couldn't help but tried to sniff the familiar smell, his mouth pouting and both his nose and eyes focusing on the content of the cup. Hoseok noticed it and smirked a little, sitting back on his bed.

«It's a mushroom soup,» he explained, showing the cup to Changkyun. «It's an instant soup, so don't expect much of a taste.»

Hoseok could've talked as much as he wanted to, but it's not like the boy in front of him was really paying attention to his words. In fact, Changkyun kept staring at the soup with starving, fishy, little eyes and Hoseok was sure he heard a loud growl coming from the puppy's stomach.

«Can you eat by yourself or do you want me to feed you instead?» Hoseok asked, feeling like teasing him a little. Besides, he didn't need to hear Changkyun's answer and handed him the cup.

Changkyun licked his lips, almost dipping the tip of his nose into the soup. Hoseok noticed his hands were shaking as if they could barely hold such a little weight. For that reason, he decided to stay there and check on him. If needed, he would've fed him.

«Be careful, it's hot,» he warned him as Changkyun took the first spoon. But the boy didn't listen to him and rushed to eat the soup. Needless to say, he jumped in pain after burning his tongue.

Hoseok rolled his eyes while Changkyun instinctively started waving his hand near his tongue to cool it down.

 _"How can someone be this clumsy?"_ Hoseok thought, his chin resting on the palm of his hand while he was looking back at him.

«Look, if you want to stay here, you better listen to what I say, especially if it's for your own safety,» he hated giving out lectures but dealing with Changkyun was really like dealing with a puppy that needed to be trained properly.

On the other hand, it was obvious that Changkyun didn't like to listen. That was going to be a burden, for sure.

«Are you stupid?» Hoseok asked while frowning, seeing that Changkyun was still searching for relief by waving his hand.

Hoseok leaned in and grabbed Changkyun by his chin with his left hand. He pulled him closer, his eyes staring firmly into the other trembling ones.

«When something's too hot, you have to blow on it,» he whispered with their faces being terribly close to each other.

Changkyun was gawping so much that he didn't even notice that his tongue was still sticking out. He wanted to pull out, but with his body still being too weak and Hoseok's presence playing an unexpected influence on him, he stood still.

Hoseok half closed his eyes and began to blow cold air on the other's tongue, gently. Changkyun frowned in confusion, more disgusted than actually scared, thinking that he was damn right when he assumed that Hoseok was a pervert.

A... _"_ kind-ish _"_ type of pervert?

«Now, blow your soup before eating it,» Hoseok spoke again and Changkyun suddenly came back to his senses, eyes blinking and tongue back into his mouth.

Changkyun nodded and started blowing the soup while stirring it with the spoon. He waited for it to get warm so that he could finally eat without worries.

It tasted like the most delicious thing. There were little bits of actual mushrooms, too! It was warm and creamy, and comforting in some kind of way.

Hoseok found Changkyun's way of eating quite amusing. Looking at him all cuddled up in that towel and finally eating, he realized that maybe it was time for him to change his clothes too. The floor was a mess already, there was no need to make it worse.

«Will you take your medicines now?» Hoseok asked calmly, and Changkyun suddenly stopped eating. «Your head hurts a lot, doesn't it?» he added, Changkyun avoided his gaze and nodded.

Hoseok sighed and stretched out to get one box of pain-killers and one of the antibiotics. Changkyun at his side was rigid, but there's no way he would've let him run away this time. He opened the boxes and took out one pill per each, and showed them to Changkyun.

«They're just normal pills. You usually take them with water but you can drink the soup instead if you prefer,» Hoseok truly hoped that he would've listened to him. There was no other way for Changkyun to properly heal but to eat and take his medicines. About the memory loss, maybe everything would get solved in a matter of time. He just wondered how much.

Changkyun gulped and parted his lips as to say something. But he kept quiet instead and looked at the guy beside him.  
Hoseok looked so serious, and his eyes were so intense that for the second time in the same day, Changkyun felt all his barriers come to ashes.

«Come here, I'll help you,» Hoseok took one pill with his right hand and grabbed Changkyun by his chin with his left. Yes, again. This time, he pressed his thumb against the boy's lower lip and invited him to open his mouth to place the pill into it.

«Now take a sip,» he rushed to say, taking the cup for Changkyun and approached his lips with it. Changkyun squeezed his eyes and drank fast, the feeling of the pill running down his throat almost made him nauseous.

They repeated the process for the antibiotic and everything was finally done. Changkyun was confused and kept caressing his throat, Hoseok let out a sigh of relief, throwing his head backward.

«Let's be sure to take the antibiotic every day, okay? Jooheon told me we'll have to do it for an entire week,» his voice was a bit louder than before, maybe because he was really more relaxed.

Speaking for Changkyun, there were many things going on in his head, yet no memory would come back to him. He looked down at the almost empty cup in his hands and pouted his lips.

«I'm going to take a shower, then it's your turn,» Hoseok announced, getting up from the bed with a small jump. His back was aching from the cold and humidity so he'd better hurry.

«--you,» a deep yet soft voice came to his ears.

Hoseok turned and leaned against the bathroom's door jamb. Was that puppy finally trying to say something?

«What?» he asked.

«Thank... you,» Changkyun muttered, still not looking at him.

«There's no need to thank me, but you're welcome I guess,» Hoseok shrugged and entered the bathroom, but before the door was fully closed, he peeked through it.

«Oh, also, I hope that you don't snore,» he ruffled his own black hair, looking tired.

«Uh?» Changkyun's head popped from under the towel.

«You know, since we're going to share the bed,» he said nonchalantly, closing the door right after.

Changkyun's jaw dropped, his cheeks flushed in deep red.

That guy was really, really, _really!_ \- the worst of perverts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE ARE with the fourth chapter and let's be honest, we finally came to a point. Changkyun's going to live with Hoseok for... quite a while? But how are they going to deal with it? What kind of relationship are they going to share? What are Hoseok's friends going to say about it? What about Changkyun's memory loss? Is everything going to be okay? I see you there dealing with such questions, muhahaha!
> 
> As always, thank you so much guys for your comments and support! I'm happy that such a beautiful ship is receiving some love and recognition, sob. I'm SO MOVED. 
> 
> I hope you guys are not disappointed by this chapter and please keep leaving many comments and opinions about the story!
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @wontokkii  
> instagram: @icedllatte
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	5. 05

 

 

 

 

_(More than) One week later._

  

 

 

 

«So... do you mind telling me who he is?», Yoo Kihyun asked with a little bit of a pique. His hands were immersed in the sink and the sleeves of his clean and perfectly ironed suit were rolled up to his elbows. Kihyun was the chef but he still preferred to wash his favorite tools by himself between one service and the other when he could. Let's just say that he was the type of person to be literally obsessed with tidiness. Even his light brown hair was well combed despite the sweating, falling neatly on his forehead.

The restaurant was not too packed that night so the atmosphere inside the kitchen was lighter than ever and there wasn't too much running from one spot to the other.

Hoseok, duly fitted for his black and white waiter suit, arms crossed over his chest and raven hair pulled back, looked at Kihyun from the door that was well hidden and separated the kitchen from the dining hall.

«I told you, he's my dog,» he answered with a cheeky smile, head tilting to the side giving him an utterly childish expression.

Kihyun frowned and turned to the waiter with his mouth half open, definitely not taking what he just said.

«Are you fucking up with me or something?»

«Oh, no. I'd never dare,» Hoseok pretended to be hurt by the chef's words and dramatically placed a hand on his chest. He took a look at the dining hall in the meanwhile and he saw Son Hyunwoo, headwaiter and Hoseok's superior, already taking care of the few tables occupied. That's why he allowed himself a little bit further inside the kitchen, and he saw Kihyun moving away from the sink to start drying the tools with a towel in a nervous speed.

Hoseok frowned.

«You're going to set that knife on fire if you keep--»

«Now you tell me,» Kihyun interrupted him abruptly and pulled that same knife on Hoseok's chest, not daring to hurt him but still determined to threaten him. «When and how you met that guy and why he's here snooping around in MY kitchen.»

Kihyun had always been scary. Hoseok had known him for a few years already and wondered many times if he was dealing with some kind of terrible anger issues.

Anyways, Hoseok knew he wasn't in the right position to complain. He raised an eyebrow and put his index finger on the tip of the knife, to push it down slowly.

What Kihyun was referring to was a short boy in an oversized white hoodie and ripped jeans who was hiding in a corner of the kitchen, crouched on the floor. His warm ash blonde hair was a mess and his nose twisted as he was focused on peeling a tangerine with his tiny fingers. Despite being so quiet at that moment, he had actually just stopped prying into every corner of the kitchen but to be honest, Kihyun was the only one who had a problem with it.

«His name is Changkyun,» Hoseok answered calmly, looking at Changkyun with the corner of his eye. The boy ate a piece of the tangerine and pulled out a disgusted expression, complaining that it was way too sugary. Hoseok smiled, then looked back at Kihyun who was still expecting a proper answer.

«I found him on the street one week ago. He was all curled up behind some trash cans, dirty and injured. I took him home with me, Jooheon gave him the first check and treated him. Basically, I've been taking care of him for the past week.»

At that point, Kihyun faked a surprised expression and started nodding slowly.

«Oh, so that's why you asked for those days off and didn't bring your ass here,» he remarked while finally placing all the tools at their places, ready to receive the next orders from Hyunwoo.

«Exactly,» Hoseok said.

«And you thought it was a good idea to bring a complete stranger that you literally took out of the street one week ago into my kitchen.»

«Yes, more or less.»

«'More or less'?», Kihyun repeated while making his way for the pastry chef who was trying to reach the refrigerator.

Hoseok just shrugged and looked at Changkyun once again only to find out that the boy was already staring at him, still chewing on his pieces of tangerine. Changkyun, as Hoseok had recently discovered, had the strange habit to stare at him in complete silence, with eyes full of expectation and curiosity, just like a real puppy.

«I had no choice. He insisted that he wanted to come with me,» Hoseok explained. «I took care of him for the period of time he needed to take his medicines, and I thought he would run away like he did the first time, but--»

«But now you're stuck with a stranger living with you, eating your food, using your water and electricity, without giving you anything in return,» Kihyun interrupted Hoseok for the second time. He moved closer and started tapping his index finger on his chest. Even though Kihyun was younger than him, he was still Hoseok's senior in the restaurant, but it's not like the waiter really cared. They had been friends for too long for that. «Do you even know something about him rather than his name?»

Hoseok sighed. «You're making it sound like it's a bad thing.»

«Because it is?!», Kihyun raised his tone in disbelief and looked at his friend with a deeply furrowed brow. He was obviously trying to show his concern for Hoseok, but not only the other didn't seem to be listening to him, also someone else in the kitchen decided to throw his opinion about the situation.

«But hyung, he seems like a cool guy? Look, he's very fast at peeling the fruit,» a slim and tall guy had just crouched down near Changkyun. He had beautiful features: shiny burgundy brown hair, a tiny face, big eyes, and incredibly plump lips. Meeting him outside of the kitchen, it wouldn't be hard to mistake him for a model.

Chae Hyungwon - that's his name- was an apprentice who had been working at the restaurant for almost a year to achieve his goal of being a future chef. He wasn't bad at all, to be honest, but sometimes his laziness would take the lead and that's why Kihyun got pissed at him the most.

Kihyun looked at the two with a grin.

«Is he? Then I guess he can easily take your place since you're being so slow at peeling and cutting the vegetables,» he nodded towards the opposite side of the kitchen where a bunch of fresh vegetables and fruits were piled and waiting to get cut. «Stop playing around with that guy and bring your ass back to work, Chae Hyungwon.»

«Okay, okay. Gosh,» Hyungwon hissed, giving Changkyun a little smile before going back to his spot.

«You see? That's why all our apprentices run away after just a few months. You're way too cruel, Kihyun. I'm honestly surprised that our Hyungwon-ie is still here,» Hoseok said with a smirk, giving Hyungwon a pat on his shoulder. The boy let out a soft chuckle.

«I'm not cruel at all. If he wants to become a chef, he has to know how to work in a kitchen,» Kihyun answered, way too annoyed by those words to even look at him. He turned back to the kitchen and started heating the pans.

Hoseok rolled his eyes. Kihyun could definitely be quite sensitive sometimes.

«Sure, sure...», then he walked to the other side of the kitchen, excusing himself with the rest of the staff until he reached Changkyun. He found him sitting on a chair with his legs crossed, hands resting on the ankles and eyes wide open while wandering around.

Hoseok smiled a little as he opened one of the fridges. He took out a handful of bright red and glossy strawberries and gave them to Changkyun.

«These are your favorite, right?», he said, kneeling down a little in front of him.

Changkyun looked at him back and nodded, taking those strawberries in his hands almost immediately. He bit into the first one and smiled, humming in surprise.

«They are good. Way better than those we have at home,» he muttered, and Hoseok let out an amused giggle.

«Well, these are high-quality strawberries. The ones we have at home are from the supermarket,» he explained in a calm voice tone and Changkyun nodded again, obediently but still with eyes full of interest.

«Then we should always buy them from here, and not from the supermarket. Hoseok, you work here. Maybe you could even take them for free.»

«Like hell he could,» Kihyun stepped into the conversation. He wasn't even looking at the two because he was too focused on cooking the new order from Hyunwoo. «First of all, do you even have an idea of how expensive it is for a restaurant to ensure the best products from the sellers? Second of all, how come you talk as if you're best friends when you just met like yesterday and in such circumstances?»

 _"Circumstances"_ , Hoseok repeated that word in his mind and it tasted bitter in his mouth for some reason.

«Is there a problem with it? Changkyun became way more talkative since his injuries got better. To be fair enough, he should be complimented,» he said, relaxed and pointed at Changkyun with his thumb.

That was true. The first few days after Hoseok took Changkyun home hadn't been the easiest, mostly because the boy wouldn't speak that much. That was okay at first since Hoseok wasn't that talkative either, but it started to get annoying in the long run. They would wake up together -kind of; Changkyun turned out to be a true sleepy-head-, have meals together, watch television together (they both enjoyed cartoons, which was definitely a good starter), Changkyun would let Hoseok treat his injuries without making much of a fuss but still complain every single night when it came to sharing the same bed. Hoseok offered him to sleep on the sofa in the other room, but Changkyun claimed that he wasn't comfortable being alone, which is also the reason why he insisted in following Hoseok when he had to go back to work.

To make it short, Changkyun stopped calling him 'pervert' (even if still reminding him) and started using his real name instead. Hoseok would still tease him and enjoy his reactions. He didn't know how to describe such a relationship, having someone buzzing around in his house had never been his goal. Changkyun was still a stray dog to his eyes and that's why he told him that he could run away anytime.

But Changkyun was still there, and Hoseok didn't have any intention to kick him out for some reason. He would blame his brand new sense of responsibility for that, or at least that's what he decided to believe.

«Compliment him...», Kihyun's muttering brought Hoseok back to reality. «He's clearly younger than you and doesn't even use proper honorifics. If I think that you literally saved his life...» Kihyun sighed and shook his head in full concern.

«You're younger than me, too. Want to start using honorifics together, both of you?», Hoseok said sarcastically, smiling at him.

Kihyun cleared his throat and Hyungwon, who was busy peeling some carrots, chuckled from his corner.

«I'm your superior,» Kihyun rushed to speak. His lisp could be heard stronger than ever. «That's why I don't need to use them and most of all, we're friends. Otherwise, I'd have forced you to call me ' _Chef-nim_ ' already.»

He was so proud of his words that he smiled and nodded to himself. He served three portions of deliciously looking seafood spaghetti and rang the bell to call for Hyunwoo to take them. «Order for table number 5 is ready!» he said.

Hoseok clicked his tongue and got up, ruffling Changkyun's hair with a hand.

«I should go back to the dining hall, I can't leave all the work to Hyunwoo-hyung,» he explained.

Changkyun looked up at him with a frown and pouted.

«Are you really leaving me with that dude?», he murmured while looking at Kihyun with the corner of his eye. «He keeps staring at me and murmuring things...»

Kihyun turned his head in a jealous rage.

«Excuse me?!», he croaked. At that point, Hyungwon lost it and burst out laughing. Hyunwoo, from the dining hall, looked in their direction with a confused look.

«Oh my God, I love him», Hyungwon exclaimed, wiping off the little tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

«I'm this close to kicking you out», Kihyun hissed to him.

«Come on, the boy's funny,» Hyungwon knew he was playing with fire but still enjoyed it. Changkyun heard him and smiled proudly.

«He's clearly a disrespectful brat, just like you. Maybe that's why you like him so much.»

Hoseok whistled. «Ouch.»

«'Ouch' my ass, go back to work. And " _your dog_ " better learn some manners, or I'm kicking him out too», Kihyun was a nervous wreck now, and Hoseok knew when it was time to stop. Years and years of friendship had taught him a lot.

«Roger that, ' _Chef-nim_ '», he said with a smile, taking back the booklet he used to write the customers' orders. He turned to Changkyun before leaving the kitchen. «Behave yourself, hm?»

Changkyun opened his mouth to say something but Hoseok had already left and Kihyun gave him the death stare.

The boy noticed it and growled at him, loudly, causing the whole staff -except Kihyun- to burst out laughing.

The atmosphere in the restaurant was definitely lighter than ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
[...]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

«Thank you for hard work», Hyunwoo popped his head around the door of the changing room where Hoseok was picking up his suit after wearing his casual clothes. He was a part-timer and his shift for that day was over.

«Thank you for letting me bring Changkyun,» Hoseok replied. He wore his black leathered jacket and put the bag on his shoulder. «I'll take him out of the kitchen now. If your boyfriend hasn't killed him already...», he sniggered, shaking his head.

Hyunwoo frowned, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He rubbed a hand on his nape and sighed.

«You know Kihyun. He tends to overreact and can be rude sometimes, but he's not a bad person. He's just worried about you... you're one of his closest friends, after all.»

Hyunwoo was the definition of a good guy. Despite his strong appearance, with his height, well-built body, and broad shoulders, he was a mostly quiet and kind-hearted person.

Hoseok met him when he started working at the restaurant by following Kihyun's offer, then discovered that not only Hyunwoo was the son of the owner, but also Kihyun's boyfriend.

Hyunwoo was hardworking and reliable, and Hoseok admired him for that. He'd always seen him as a good example of humanity and admired him, yet he knew that there was no way he could be like that.

«Don't worry, both of you,» Hoseok gave Hyunwoo a soft nudge while making his way to the door. «But I'll probably have to bring Changkyun with me tomorrow too... actually until he gets used to staying at home by himself. If it's a problem then I'll--»

  
«It's not,» Hyunwoo rushed to say, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder and then held onto it softly. «You can take him here anytime you need until things start to work better. Just, we'll have to place him somewhere else outside the kitchen. This way, Kihyun will have no reason to complain.»

Hoseok gave him a little smile and nodded.

«Thanks, hyung. He's still a stray dog, but just like Kihyun, he doesn't have bad intentions,» he shrugged. «I'll let him stay with me as long as he feels like it. An extra bowl of rice doesn't cost me anything after all.»

Hyunwoo listened to him in silence, sincerely surprised by his words. He'd always seen Hoseok as a unique person. Detached, even a loner sometimes, full of sarcasm but most of all, hard to read. And all these features that could seem bad if taken singularly... once combined, they made Hoseok simply fascinating.

He let go of his shoulder and looked at his friend waving at him while walking out of the room.

«I'm going. See you tomorrow, hyung.»

«Yes. See you tomorrow, Hoseok.»

 

 

 _You're really a good person._  
_I just wonder when you'll realize that._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
[...]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
On the way home, Changkyun wouldn't stop talking.

Some of his sentences didn't really make much sense, but Hoseok would still listen to what he had to say. He wouldn't stop complaining about Kihyun because according to him, he would threaten Changkyun to cut off his hands at his tiniest move. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo, on the other hand, were cool. The first one because he'd secretly give him some bites of food and smiled at him often, the second one because... well because it was Hyunwoo and no one could hate him.

It was evening and time for dinner. Hoseok decided to stop by Mc Donald's assuming that it would be faster than cooking something by himself but in the end, Changkyun had so many questions about every single burger that it took them a good ten minutes to order. Or, to be more specific, Changkyun wasn't being picky or something, but since all the burgers looked delicious to him he couldn't decide and he would ask the poor guy at the cashier which one was the " _absolute yummiest_ ".

Even then, Hoseok didn't complain.

  
«You know, I've been thinking about something,» they were almost home when Hoseok spoke up after being so quiet. Changkyun, who was eating the leftovers of his fries from the little red box, turned his eyes to him.

«Actually I thought about this the first time you told me», Hoseok lifted his chin and glued his eyes to the dark sky above, pouting his lips. «Changkyun is such an awkward name for a dog.»

Changkyun froze on the spot, his mouth half-closed and surrounded by little crumbs.

«Huh?», he was too dumbfounded to come out with a proper question.

Hoseok, who had walked a few more steps ahead of him, turned back and smirked.

«Yeah, I want to give you a nickname. Something much cuter.»

Changkyun gulped and shook his head at a nervous speed.

«There's no need. I'm perfectly fine with my actual name. It's... the only thing I remember, no less.»

«Does it really matter?»

«What?»

But Hoseok decided not to say anything further. He made a popping sound with his mouth and turned on his heels to start walking again, hands in the pockets of his jacket and nose up.

«Kyungie sounds fine. Kkukungie too,» he kept on talking to himself, still making sure that the other could hear him.

And Changkyun definitely did.  
He swallowed all the remaining fries and crumpled the box in one hand, then put it in the big pocket of his hoodie.

«W-wait a second!», he ran after him. The tips of his ears were already tinted in red from the embarrassment. «I told you I don't want a nickname! Also, both of them sound so stupid!»

Hoseok bit his bottom lip. Suddenly, he felt like laughing.

«Too late, Kkukungie.»

«Aaahh?!» Changkyun shouted in disbelief, causing someone of the neighborhood to shout back at him to be quiet. Changkyun blushed, fled and hid behind Hoseok's back. «It sucks,» he groaned.

«Don't be like that. You'll probably get used to it,» Hoseok turned his head a little to give him a look. «Also you're walking slower than usual. Guess you forgot about our appointment with Spongebob tonight.»

«Oh, right!»

In a matter of seconds, Changkyun's mood had changed. He passed Hoseok with a sprint and started running, even though their building could be well seen.

He looked back at Hoseok while still running.

«Come on, I don't want to miss it!»

«You have to accept Kkukungie as your official nickname, first,» Hoseok replied with a grin, and Changkyun's exasperated groan could be heard to the moon and back. The boy started bouncing impatiently on the spot.

«Fine, dammit! Now move!»

«Good boy.»

That said, and with another victory in the bag, Hoseok ran towards him.

He really didn't know how to explain such a fast change in their relationship. He didn't even know if what they had should be called as one and he didn't care. What happened was that Changkyun was lost, and Hoseok found him. Nothing more, nothing less and no explanation was needed.

 

What he knew was that, despite his first doubts, it wasn't _that_ bad.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fifth chapter is here and WOW it came out faster than I expected!  
> So as you could see some side characters are now introduced in the story, ShowKi is a thing and we're all happy lol. 
> 
> I bet no one was expecting wonkyun's relationship to become like this in just more than a week, right?  
> But y'all will understand the reasons as the story goes on. Or at least I hope so, ugh. I'm not that confident with my writing skills after all. 
> 
> Basically, Changkyun is literally a stray, messy, loud puppy who's curious about EVERYTHING. Hoseok, on the other hand, is probably enjoying the fresh air.  
> Things seem to work well, for now. 
> 
> As always please feel free to leave comments, I BEG YOU because I CRAVE FOR THEM, lol. I love reading people's thoughts and opinions on my story. Tell me what you think, it can be anything!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my story and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @wontokkii  
> instagram: @icedllatte
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	6. 06

 

 

 

 

Another full week had passed since the first time Changkyun insisted on following Hoseok to the restaurant and nothing really changed.

 

Hoseok didn't really have a problem with it: it's not like it affected his work or whatever, but he actually tried to convince Changkyun to stay alone at home at least for once. The reason was quite obvious: Changkyun was not a baby and he had to learn how to go back to a normal life. Hoseok lost counts of how many times he had tried to make it clear for the other but just like Changkyun was stubborn, Hoseok wasn't the type to repeat himself too many times. Call it laziness, he wouldn't really care.

Hoseok couldn't tell the real reason behind Changkyun's behaviour and the boy himself couldn't find any explanation either. The weirdest thing was that, absurdly, Changkyun didn't have any kind of problem on going out on his own.

He would go out for a walk, to the nearest park, to the supermarket at the end of the street and then come back like a diligent puppy. But he still wanted Hoseok to be at home and wait for him. 

None of the two could explain what all of that was, but at the end of the day they would still lay on the same bed, sometimes both looking at the ceiling, sometimes facing each other. Changkyun would come out with the weirdest and most irrelevant –not that Hoseok ever dared to tell him- questions and assumptions about every single aspect of life, and Hoseok would simply listen to him and give his opinions about them. 

Even after more than two weeks they would talk about anything but their first meet. They wouldn't talk about Changkyun's conditions when Hoseok found him, nor about how Hoseok basically saved his life and allowed Changkyun to live with him without asking anything in return. 

Thinking about it though, they were both quite egoists.

Changkyun wanted to believe that it wasn't bad for him to enjoy the warmth of a house, the blissful sensation of a full stomach and a good shower... also someone else's company. He would concentrate on similar thoughts every morning after waking up so that no negative emotion would make it through his head.

On the other hand, Hoseok was just someone who took in a stray dog without knowing how to care for it. Contradictory, with no logic nor interests. Hoseok was just like that and he knew it.

They had never asked to each other how long it would last and got to that point, the benefit of the doubt wasn't a luxury they could allow themselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

«Order for table number 12 is ready!»

«Two steaks and one soup for the number 3.»

«Would you like something else, sir?»

«Of course we have a vegetarian menù, madame. I'll go get it now.»

«A table for two? Please follow me this way.»

 

Changkyun was bored.

The restaurant was packed with customers that day. Waiters were busy rushing from one table to the other while the kitchen was a complete, loud mess. Even Hyungwon didn't have the time to come out of the kitchen and go have a little chat with him.

He knew he shouldn't be complaining, because being allowed to stay in the restaurant without working nor paying for the food was something he only had to be grateful for, and it was all thanks to Hyunwoo and -even if he hated to admit it- Kihyun's comprehension.

But still, he couldn't help to pull out a pouty expression. Hoseok told him to stay quiet and behave and since he knew how hyperactive Changkyun could be, he gave him some of his old mangas to bring with him and read during the service time.

It was cool to have a little table all for himself, Changkyun thought. He didn't enjoy the idea to stay still the whole time, and the numerous glances coming from the customers made him feel uncomfortable sometimes, but it was all good.

He had his own, private spot where he could read comics and play videogames while still enjoying Hoseok's presence, even though the other was too busy dancing around the tables.

Hoseok would still look over him, though. Changkyun caught him looking in his direction a couple of times and curled his nose as he looked back at him, a bit confused. Hoseok's expressions were always so hard to read.

 

«You're so short that your feet won't even touch the ground as you're sitting,» Hoseok once said while passing by with a smirk.

«What did you say?!», Changkyun shouted back, drawing most of the customers' attention.

«Ssshh, Kkukungie. You have to behave yourself, remember?», Hoseok placed his right index finger on his own lips while walking to the next table.

Changkyun groaned, tightening the grip around the comic in his hands. He would drop-kick his ass later.

 

Around another half an hour passed by and still everything was boring, until a guy entered the restaurant. He was quite tall, with short chocolate brown hair, perfect skin and a very peculiar eye-shape. Changkyun noticed how he immediately smiled and waved as he got in, then he saw Hoseok rushing in his direction.

Why was Hoseok smiling at him that much? And why was he patting is shoulder?

 _“Have you missed me?”_ , he could read in that guy's lips.

 

Why would Hoseok miss him?

 

Changkyun frowned when he saw the guy looking in his direction. He had just entered and they were already staring at each other like that. Changkyun's body suddenly became rigid as he gulped, feeling a bit awkward after getting caught peeping from his table.

The guy was now smiling at him. Changkyun looked away.

«What the heck...», he muttered, already feeling the tips of his ears getting warmer and warmer.

He tried to focus on watching outside from the nearest window, hoping for that stranger to sit down somewhere definitely far from where he was.

Too bad for him that both Hoseok and the guy approached his table instead.

Changkyun looked up and saw both of them standing in front of him, Hoseok had an arm around the other's shoulder and they were both smiling. Changkyun breathed out from his nostrils.

«I'm glad to see that you're doing well, Changkyun,» the guy said with a little nod.

Changkyun looked exactly as dumbfounded as he felt. Not only that person seemed to be so confident and all touchy with Hoseok, but he also knew his name? How? Was he someone that he used to know and couldn't remember about?

«Who...?», Changkyun stuttered, moving his eyes to Hoseok who smirked at him and patted his friend behind his nape.

«Kkukungie, this is Jooheon. I told you about him, right? He's the one who checked on you and treated your injuries.»

«Kkukungie?», Jooheon repeated after him in an amused tone.

«Yes, it's the name I gave him,» Hoseok said with a little shrugh. «It's more suitable for a puppy, don't you think?»

Jooheon looked back at Changkyun with a furrowed brow.

«I was so happy to see you alive and healthy, but now... I'm so sorry for you.»

Changkyun, who was still processing the idea of that guy being the same Jooheon he owed his life to, snorted at him and avoided his eyes.

«It's whatever,» he muttered.

Jooheon gave him a softened smile.

«I see that Hoseok-hyung is treating you well. If you ever need something, feel free to call me so that I can check on you, okay?»

Why did he have to be so kind? Changkyun felt so little and utterly uncomfortable. He pouted his lips and crossed his arms on the table.

«Yeah,» Hoseok said, moving away from his friend to bend down next to Changkyun and throw an arm around his waist. «Jooheon-ie is going to be a famous doctor, you know? He's offering you his help for the future, Kkukungie. Don't you have something to say?»

Changkyun's cheeks flushed as he knew what Hoseok was up to. That man could read him way too easily. He glanced at Jooheon while still feeling Hoseok's eyes pointed at him, and decided to pay more attention to his looks. He was good-looking, Changkyun would give him that. His clothes were way too colorful, tho. That blue hoodie over a yellow t-shirt and black jeans? Also the white cap on his head...

«You don't look like a doctor at all,» he mumbled.

«Oh,» Jooheon blinked, definitely taken aback by those words.

In a matter of seconds, Hoseok was smiling blankly at his friend while holding Changkyun's head and pushing it down in a forced sign of gratitude.

«He's such a reckless puppy,» Hoseok faked a laugh, then he talked to Changkyun who was still facing the table. «Come on, you ungrateful little brat.»

«Argh, okay!», Changkyun lifted his head with a snap and showed Jooheon an ugly snout. «Thank – thank you for what you did.» Those words felt so heavy in his throat that he even gulped afterwards. At least, Jooheon was smiling again and Hoseok was satisfied.

«Good boy,» Hoseok ruffled Changkyun's hair and stood up next to Jooheon again, offering him his arm to hold onto. «Please let me accompany you to your table, ' _sir_ '.» He winked at him jokingly.

«Ugh, hyung. You give me so much cringe sometimes,» Jooheon looked away in embarrassment, before shyly turning to Changkyun and bowing to him. «It was nice to finally talk to you, Changkyun. Since you're living with Hoseok-hyung now, let's meet often!»

That said, Jooheon walked away to his table taking Hoseok with him. Or at least, that was how Changkyun pictured the whole thing in his mind.

«Sure, _like hell_ we will,» he hissed while staring at their backs, perfectly aware that he couldn't be heard.

 

What a coward, Changkyun.

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

«Looks like someone is in a bad mood,» Hyungwon had just came out from the kitchen and sat at the same table as Changkyun. Or better, he literally melted on the chair, his suit was dirty and unbuttoned to his chest, showing the black t-shirt underneath. Also his hair was messy and he looked terribly exhausted. The restaurant had finally closed after such a crazy day. That was the power of the weekend.

Changkyun peeped at him with the corner of his eye, not aware of the massive pout he still had going on on his face.

«I'm not in a bad mood,» he said and opened one of the comics he had piled in front of him, pretending to read it.

 

Hyungwon, who was tired but still willing to know what was going on inside the boy's mind, looked at him good-naturedly. Being such a “lazy ass”, as Kihyun enjoyed to call him, that was a lot coming from him.

«You do know that it's written all over your face, right?», he smiled at Changkyun, who still had no intention of taking his nose off the comic.

«My face is the same as always,» he said fastly.

«It's really not,» Hyungwon stretched and let out a soft yawn. «Did something happen with Hoseok-hyung? Did you guys fight?»

«No, we didn't,» Changkyun turned the page of the comic. Was he really expecting Hyungwon to not notice that he wasn't actually reading it?

«Yeah well...even though I'm exhausted and I feel like my ass has been whooped multiple times, I'm in a good mood today,» Hyungwon had a strange smile on his lips. «Jooheon came to the restaurant. It's been a while since the last time, but I guess he must've been busy at the hospital.»

Changkyun's expression hardened as he shutted his mouth. If only they were in a comic like the one he was barely paying attention to, he'd have a black and deep purple aura surrounding his whole body.

«He's really a good fella, and very smart too,» Hyungwon scratched his own neck nonchalantly. He was perfectly aware of the reaction he was going to get and he actually was waiting for it. «I consider him a good friend, even if I'm not that close to him like Kihyun-hyung or Hoseok-hyung.»

«Yeah, I guess they're pretty close,» the way he marked the 'pretty' word was intentional but still out of his control. What the hell, Changkyun? What's going on? Why would you act like that?

At that point, Hyungwon had got the answer he was searching for.

«Hoseok-hyung is not an easy person to deal with,» he moved his chair a little bit closer. Changkyun glanced at him. «I've known him only for a year now but what I could notice is that he doesn't seem to be interested in anything. I've never heard him talking about – I don't know, hobbies, insecurities, likings, or even a special person. And I mean, I think we can all agree that Hoseok-hyung is a very good-looking guy.»

«So?», Changkyun finally closed the comic and lifted his head. In that moment, he could see Hoseok, Kihyun, Hyunwoo and Jooheon all reunited around a table, chatting with cups of coffee in front of them. They all looked comfortable and lost in their own world.

Hyungwon placed a hand on Changkyun's shoulder.

«You might think you're close with Hoseok-hyung because you're living with him,» he said, but he wasn't teasing him at all. Besides, his voice was gentle and his smile looked friendly. «I understand that, but it actually doesn't mean anything. As I said, Hoseok-hyung is not easy.»

«So what you're saying is that he probably doesn't even like me,» Changkyun shrugged his shoulder away from his grip, but Hyungwon catched it immediately.

«What I'm trying to tell you is – please listen to me, look at me, thank you – the Hoseok-hyung I've always known would have never done something like this with anyone. Taking a stranger out of the street, sharing his house and privacy with him, letting someone being that close to him and taking care of that person even if he's not that perfect at it– but he's doing all of this for you, Changkyun-ie.»

If Hyungwon wanted Changkyun to feel guilty and miserable, then he had perfectly reached his goal. The boy lowered his eyes and kept staring at an undefined point of his dark blue sweater. That's right, that was Hoseok's sweater. Changkyun didn't have much clothing yet, and Hoseok would lent him anything that would fit from his own wardrobe.

He was really – really, really the worse.

Hyungwon sighed.

«I can't tell you the reason behind Hoseok-hyung's behaviour towards you, because I don't really know either and it still looks quite incredible to me, but...», he ruffled Changkyun's hair. «If you want to be closer to him so badly that you even get jealous over one of his few friends who also happened to be the one who saved your life, then – do your best to let him know, but do it properly and not just by being all sulky like you did today.»

That became the last straw for Changkyun. In his heart he knew that Hyungwon was right, that everything he said was so damn accurate that it felt like a punch in the stomach.

Not being able to remember a single thing from his past but his name, not knowing what happened to him for Hoseok to find him the way he did... he had been so busy trying to run away from those thoughts that he couldn't help but cling to the belief that his life with Hoseok was the only reality he wanted to live in.

He felt so ashamed that his cheeks went red in a flash. Hyungwon smiled and playfully waved a hand near his face as to cool it down.

«I'm not telling you to do everything at once, I can't even imagine how things must be hard for you right now...», he lowered his head and tried to catch Changkyun's eyes to give him a reassuring look. «Just give it a try, take it slowly if you need. I'm sure Hoseok cares about you more than you think, but it's your duty to take the first step.»

Changkyun nodded and the corners of his lips finally curled up into a little smile. His cheeks were still tinted in red, but it was okay. Hyungwon had just given him a huge shrug and helped him open his eyes a bit more.

«Thank you, Hyungwon-hyung,» he said in a low voice.

Hyungwon made a sound with his mouth and tilted his head. He seemed to be moved for some reason.

«It's actually my first time being called 'hyung' in this place, I'm touched,» he placed a hand on his chest.  
  
Changkyun chuckled as he lightly shook his head. For a second, he laid his eyes on Hoseok. He saw him smiling at his friends while listening to them but saying nothing. He had his chin rested on the palm of his right hand, his black hair were back on his forehead. He was still wearing his waiter suit and Changkyun noticed how good it looked on him for the first time.

What?  
  
What, who looked good?

Changkyun shook his head at a higher speed this time until he felt dizzy because of it. There was nothing bad in admitting that Hoseok was good-looking, right? Also Hyungwon had mentioned it before.

«Well, I think it's time for me to go home. There's a drama I'm really enjoying lately and a new episode is airing tonight,» Hyungwon said, getting up from his chair. «Remember what I told you, okay? Oh, and just for you to know, Hyunwoo-hyung and Kihyun-hyung were worried for you too.» He smiled.

«Kihyun-hyung?», Changkyun giggled. «That's new. But I guess that's why he hasn't kicked me out yet.»

Hyungwon couldn't refrain a short laugh either.

«I'm not saying that he likes you, but... step by step, right? Then, see you tomorrow Changkyun-ie.»

«See you tomorrow, Hyungwon-hyung, thanks again.»

Hyungwon waved at him and made his way to the changing room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

«Hey, shower's free if you need it,» Hoseok said while walking back in the room. He had changed in more comfortable clothes: black sweatpants and a kind of oversized long-sleeved white shirt with a large neckline. His hair was wet from the shower and that's why he was rubbing them with a towel.

Changkyun, who was sitting on the sofa and playing videogames, looked at him and nodded.

«Okay, thank you,» he said.

Hoseok stood in silence by the bedroom's door for another few seconds, simply looking at him. Changkyun had been too quiet since they got home, and that was unusual. To be more precise, he had been quiet for almost the whole day.

He pouted his lips in a thoughtful expression and hummed to himself before walking past the table to sit beside him on the sofa. He slowly leaned closer to Changkyun and peeped at the console in his hands. He was way too close to his face, but the other was too focused on the game to notice.

«You should concentrate on collecting more coins. Next level is going to be tough,» Hoseok whispered while pointing at the screen. Changkyun literally jumped on the spot and almost dropped the console.

«W-what the fuck?! Don't you know how scary you are when you suddenly approach someone like this?!», his voice cracked.

«Hm?» Hoseok didn't move and just looked at him in the eyes. «Am I that ugly?»

Changkyun gulped, he felt like his whole forehead was sweating. What kind of question was that?

«...I didn't – that's not what I meant. And you know that,» he tried hard to concentrate on the game again. «Shut up.» He muttered, but the slight blush on his cheeks was playing against him.  
  
Hoseok faked a sigh of frustration and let his body fall on the back of the sofa, his head thrown backwards so that he was looking up at the ceiling.

«You're always so cold, Kkukungie. Today too, with Jooheon-ie. That wasn't very nice, you know?»

Changkyun felt like someone had just slapped the back of his head.

 _“I'm sure Hoseok cares about you more than you think, but it's your duty to take the first step.”_ Hyungwon's words had been playing on loop in his head since they left the restaurant, and now it was like he was directly shouting them into his ears.

Dammit, he couldn't take it anymore. Nut up, Changkyun.

«I'm sorry,» he said in a breath.

«Oh?» Hoseok looked at him. He was sure Changkyun said something but couldn't hear it properly.

«I'm saying that I'm sorry,» Changkyun spoke clearly this time. Hoseok kept looking at him and raised his head without saying nothing. Changkyun scratched his nape. «I'm sorry for how I behaved today. I'm sorry that I'm cold sometimes --»

«Not really just 'sometim--'», Hoseok almost interrupted him but immediately refrained himself as soon as he saw the way Changkyun glanced at him.

«...I'm sorry, okay? The things you're doing for me, I know it all. The fact that I'm living here just because you're allowing me to, I know that. And I know I'm giving you nothing in return,» he was stuttering, not even daring to look at Hoseok as he kept talking, and both of his hands were having a nervous finger battle over his lap. «I know I should behave better, it's not that I don't want to, it's just it's hard to keep up a certain behaviour when you can't even remember who you --- hmpff!»

Hoseok interrupted him again and this time, he directly placed a hand on his mouth so that he would stop talking. The way he was looking at Changkyun in that moment, the boy wasn't able to describe it. His deep brown eyes looked brighter than ever but his face was straight and emotionless like a marble statue.

«If I wanted you to apologise to me, I would have forced you to,» he said. His voice sounded so calm and yet so deep that Changkyun was sure his ears suddenly started tingling. «I told you it's your choice if to stay here or not. If one day you'll decide to go away, I won't stop you. It's been more than two weeks already and you start overthinking just now?»

Changkyun breathed against his palm, his brow furrowed.

«If you're going to say sorry to me, do it when you'll decide that you don't need me anymore.»

Another punch right in the stomach, or at least that's how it felt. But it didn't hurt. Moreover, Changkyun felt sad.

Hoseok took off his hand but Changkyun was speechless anyway. He still had his mouth half-opened and his eyes wouldn't stop blinking in confusion.

That man, he wasn't like any other, right? Hyungwon was right, Hoseok wasn't easy. But Changkyun had just realized the true meaning behind those words. Hoseok wasn't easy, but rather than feeling intimidated because of it, people couldn't help but feeling attracted to that.

Changkyun, too.

«So now,» Hoseok spoke again in a loud voice. «Be a good dog, Kkukungie.»

«U-uh?», Changkyun felt like waking up from a dream.

Before he could even realize it, Hoseok had his head resting on his lap. Changkyun lowered his head and looked at him, meeting his eyes.

«What-- what are you doing?!»

«Relaxing,» Hoseok said, hands clasped on his chest as he was smiling innocently.

Changkyun's body stiffened as he glued his back to the sofa and lifted his hands, like he had something revolting close to him.

«Then you should do it on the bed!» he yelled. «Uugh, your hair is still wet!»

Hoseok pouted at him so childishly that Changkyun could feel the shivers going down his spine.

«I'm still your owner, remember?»

«What in tarnation...», Changkyun growled and placed a hand on his face, pushing it with not much strenghth. «How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not a dog!»

Hoseok didn't react to his action and just kept staring at him with the corner of his eye. He noticed the blush on his cheeks and smirked.

«You are if I say so, “ _Kkukungie_ ”,» he remarked his name playfully. He raised his left hand and poked his cheek. «Little, loud, rebellious, stray dog.»

Once again, his voice sounded different, but this time he was smiling. That kind of feline smile that only required the corners of his plump lips to curl up. Changkyun asked himself when exactly had he started noticing such details.

He was quiet now, maybe too lost in those thoughts to keep up that witty repartee and he turned his face towards Hoseok's hand. He opened his mouth and bit onto the tip of the finger that was poking his cheek, holding it firmly between the teeth.

«That hurts,» Hoseok mumbled. That was obviously a lie. «First you wanna convince me that you're not a dog and now you're biting me like this?» He raised an eyebrow.

«Hmm,» Changkyun moaned and rolled his eyes in annoyance, then he released it. But Hoseok was still looking at him and with the other hand he was still holding the one with the “injuried” index finger.

«Aren't you supposed to heal me now?» He smiled at Changkyun and directly reached out for his mouth.

«Seriously, you're an idiot,» Changkyun hissed and forced himself to ignore the high heat he was feeling all over his face as he pulled out his tongue and licked that same spot on Hoseok's finger. He looked away almost immediately. 

«Thank you, Kkukungie,» Hoseok said and didn't flinch.

No matter how embarrassed he felt, the worst thing for Changkyun was that the whole atmosphere wasn't awkward at all. What the heck was that? And moreover, why the heck did it feel so right? Was it normal for a couple of people to act like that in such a natural way?

«Hey,» Hoseok called him. His head was still laying on his lap. «If you apologise again, I'm kicking you out.» He smiled.

This time, Changkyun did the same, but it was something more similar to a smirk.

«Got it.»

«But you'll still have to learn how to do some houseworks.»

«Ah?!»

«Mhm,» Hoseok hummed and closed his eyes. He made himself more comfortable. «Cleaning the house, doing the laundry, going grocery shopping...»

Changkyun coughed.

«Grocery shopping... I – I'm already doing that!»

«Buying junk food, snacks and fruit juices at the supermarket is not grocery shopping,» Hoseok corrected him.

«...you're trying to exploit me,» Changkyun hissed.

«I'm just establishing the rules for a peaceful cohabitation...», Hoseok said calmly and patted his stomach.

«I hate you.»

«I'm sure you do.»

«Fuck you.»

«If you really want to-- HEY!»

 

And with that said, Changkyun, got up from the sofa, and Hoseok found himself facing the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the update!
> 
> There might be a few more mistakes than usual since I had to change my writing program, but I hope everything flowed well enough for you guys! 
> 
> Sooo, there's a little development, huh? Also, in the next chapter our Minhyuk is going to get a role too! I would never forget about our sunshine boy. 
> 
> More importantly, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and also THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support! Last chapter especially received so much love and I can't even express how happy and grateful I am ;; 
> 
> Please leave comments on this chapter, too! You already know how I love to read them. 
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @wontokkii  
> instagram: @icedllatte
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	7. 07

 

 

 

_One month._

 

 

 

 

«Are you really taking parts with Kihyun-hyung about this?», Changkyun asked while laying on the bed, belly-up, with his eyes glued on the screen of the console that he was holding over his face. Even while still talking, he was too focused on the game to care about Hoseok laying right next to him, in his same position but holding a comic instead. It had been a couple of hours since they came back from the restaurant after the lunch service, so they had the whole day left to enjoy some free time.

«I told you, Hyungwon-ie can be a true lazy ass sometimes. Kihyun is the chef, it's his duty to make him notice when and where he does wrong,» Hoseok replied, pursing his lips as he was focusing on a little detail in the page he was reading. He suddenly moved a little bit closer to Changkyun, their shoulders touching, and literally put the comic in front of his face. «Don't you think this background looks terrible? Who the heck had the guts to draw it like that?» He tapped his index finger on that page to make the other notice.

Changkyun pulled back a little and frowned.

«How the heck am I supposed to know? Also, move this thing: I can't see the screen,» he muttered in annoyance while pushing away the comic from his face.

Hoseok huffed and took it back, but not before placing his left leg right in the middle of Changkyun's, just for the childish taste. Being the oldest -because even though they didn't know Changkyun's age there was no way he could be older than Hoseok- he had found out that annoying that boy was way funnier than he had ever thought.

«You've been playing with that thing for days now, Kkukungie. Don't you know that you'll fry your brain and go blind if you keep staring at a screen that much?», Hoseok said, faking a concerned, fatherly-like tone.

Changkyun, who had been trying and failed to free both of his legs from that uncomfortable position, sighed loudly and let the back of his head sink lower in the pillow.

«Stop talking bullshit,» he groaned and attempted to concentrate on the videogame again. «And back to the main topic, I think Hyungwon-hyung is way cooler than Kihyun-hyung. Hyunwoo-hyung is very good too.» He frowned in deep concentration, both of his thumbs quickly pressing the buttons on the console.

«You say that because Kihyun is the only one who doesn't pamper you,» Hoseok had given up on the comic already and kept it closed on his stomach. He simply turned his head to look at Changkyun's profile and smirked. «I should start being meanier to you too.»

«Huh?», Changkyun looked back at him with the corner of his eye and grinned devilshly. «What do you mean? You can't get any worse than this.» He said in a funny voice, sticking out his tongue between his teeth in a playful way.

Hoseok just kept smiling and reached for his face with a hand. Nonchalantly, he lightly touched Changkyun's tongue using his thumb. At that point, his chest was already turned to the side and his face was half-hidden in the pillow.

«I'm glad you think like this, Kkukungie,» he murmured and his voice was suddenly softer than ever, and so were his eyes.

Looking from the outside, it could have looked like Hoseok was sincerely touched. But to be honest, it was more like someone had just knocked at the door inside his head and reminded him that it was better for Changkyun to not like him fully. It was just normal, or safer maybe.

But he still looked strangerly happy and more human-like than usual and Changkyun noticed it, sure he did, and his body reacted instantly by backing off a little bit. Feeling his cheeks going on fire, his whole face probably, he let go of the console and used both of his hands to grab his pillow and press it onto Hoseok's face.

 

That smiling, relaxed, good-looking face.

 

«Wha – what kind of face is that? Don't look at me like that while touching my tongue, you weirdo!» He yelled.

Hoseok sighed against the pillow. «Why are you always blaming my face...», he grumbled in an almost exasperated tone, then grabbed the pillow and threw it back to Changkyun who almost fell from the bed. «Here you go, puppy.» He smiled a little. It was quite hard for him to keep a straight and serious expression in front of Changkyun.

«Urgh- you're so annoying!» Changkyun whined in a loud voice. He kept the pillow for himself and hugged it close to his chest while staring at Hoseok with an accusatory look.

«At least I'm good-looking,» Hoseok replied, mimicking his tone with a proud smile on his face.

Changkyun opened his mouth, incredulous. That man was sure something.

«And what do you mean by that, huh?» He squinted his eyes at him.

Hoseok turned again in a belly-up position and looked carelessly at the ceiling.

«Absolutely nothing,» he muttered, acting all coy. But Changkyun wasn't up to take it.

«You're lying,» he moved a little bit closer, half of his face still hiding behind the pillow.

«I'm not,» Hoseok gave him a little smile. Even while acting up just to annoy him, it was really impossible not to find Changkyun's behaviour quite entertaining.

At that point, Changkyun had literally glued himself to Hoseok's left arm. That not being enough, he was also staring at his face with eyes full of suspect.

«Stop bragging about how good-looking you are,» his voice was deeper then ever and his lips were kissing the pillow as he talked.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow and lowered his chin a little to look back at him.

«Would you prefer me bragging about your good looks, then?» He asked calmly while a cheeky smile was curling up the corners of his lips.

Changkyun opened his mouth to say something but he had, in fact, been caught so off guard by those words that his brain wasn't capable of processing any kind of reasonable sentence. He wouldn't move though, and his eyes were still focused on Hoseok's.

Just looking at each other like that, in complete silence. It was something that had started happening without none of them noticing. Hoseok was intrigued by it, Changkyun was confused but wasn't feeling bad either.

 

Slowly, Hoseok's right hand moved to reach for Changkyun's hair.

 

But at that right moment, like a bolt from the blue and with the worse (or best?) timing ever, the doorbell rang.

Changkyun backed off with a sudden jolt.

«Who the fuck...» he grunted as he rolled his eyes. He was hoping for someone like the postman or a random salesman, so that Hoseok could brush them off quickly and they could go back to bed and – to whatever they were doing.

 

But that day wasn't his lucky day.

 

«It must be Jooheon,» Hoseok rubbed the back of his neck as he sleepily got out of bed.

Changkyun finally pulled away the pillow and fastly lifted his back.

«What?» He muttered and crawled on the bed while Hoseok was making his way to the other room. «Why is Jooheon-hyung here?»

«Because I asked him to come and check on you,» Hoseok went to open the door.

«And telling me was too much trouble, huh...?» Changkyun was quite offended but perfectly aware that the other couldn't hear him. «Whatever,» he muttered as he went back snuggling against the pillow, not daring to look at the bedroom door at his shoulders.

He could hear Hoseok coming back, and Jooheon was with him.

«Hey, Changkyun,» Jooheon entered the room with a smile and a pair of dimples on his face. He looked at the boy who was all curled up on the bed. «How are you doing today?»

He was being careful, that was too easy to notice, even for Changkyun. Actually, the boy had been gifted with a good sixth sense, or at least that's what Hoseok used to tell him. He hated to know that Jooheon was trying to be as kind as possible, because it was obvious that it was all Changkyun's fault for how he had behaved the first and only time he met him, at the restaurant.

He could feel Hoseok's eyes pointed at his back like the barrel of a gun.

«I'm good,» he finally said and reclutantly sat up on the bed.

Jooheon gave him a vigorous nod.

«That's good to hear,» he said and walked closer to him. «Hoseok-hyung called me to check on your conditions, is it okay for you?»

Changkyun glanced at Hoseok for a second and found him sitting on his desk, ankles crossed on the top of the chair. Hoseok winked at him, Changkyun clicked his tongue and turned to Jooheon.

«No problem,» he said calmly.

Jooheon sat next to him on the bed and gestured him to turn his head to the side.

«I see that the wound on your temple is completely healed. It's definitely time to remove those stitches,» he noticed the surprised look in Changkyun's eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder, holding it softly. «Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.» He reassured him with a smile.

«The only true scaredy-cat here it's you, Jooheon-ie,» Hoseok teased him from his spot, like a crow standing on a branch of a tree.

Jooheon immediately turned to look at him with pouting lips and a deep frown.

«Yah, hyung! I'm trying to do my job here,» he rushed to speak. Changkyun noticed the tips of his ears flushing a bit and smirked. That guy was quite funny, after all.

«Back to us, Changkyun,» Jooheon emphatized the _'us'_ with an accusatory tone as he gave a last, warning look at Hoseok who, in response, lifted both of his hands to surrender. «It's only going to take just a very few minutes.» He added, his attention now fully focused on Changkyun.

«It's okay, I'm not scared,» Changkyun said. He was trying to act cool but in the end he wasn't even looking back at him.

What he had just said was true, though: he wasn't scared, maybe just nervous. He wasn't sure why, but being so close to someone dressed as Jooheon was -with the white coat, in fact- and to medical supplies like the ones Jooheon had just started to take out of his case, made him feel strange. Definitely not at ease. It reminded him of the time he ran away after waking up in Hoseok's bed, right after seeing all the medicines next to him.

But he wouldn't run away that time.

«You can lay down if you prefer,» Jooheon invited him and patted the bed's surface.

Changkyun nodded and said nothing. He went back to rest his head over the pillow and tried his best to concentrate on a random spot on the opposite wall.

Hoseok, in the meanwhile, had become quiet and stood there, still on his desk, but with his eyes pointed at the younger's figure and following every single Jooheon's hand movement.

 

Hopefully, that was going to be the last time.

 

 

 

 

  

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

«He's going to be okay,» Jooheon said before taking a sip of beer from the can that Hoseok had just offered him. They were in the kitchen, sitting at the squared table, only the two of them.

Changkyun, in fact, had chosen to keep playing games on the bed.

«Thanks for doing this, Jooheon-ie,» Hoseok placed his elbow on the table and rested his chin on the palm of the hand. «But are you sure you want to do it for free? Medical supplies must cost a lot.» He nodded towards Jooheon's case on the floor.

Jooheon shook his head and smiled, then patted Hoseok on his shoulder.

«I told you hyung, it's totally fine. Just consider it as a fair trade: I offer you and Changkyun a free medical check anytime you need, and you offer me the opportunity to practice,» he said and took another sip of beer.

«You're really the epitome of businness,» Hoseok answered sarcastically.

«Sure I am!», Jooheon nodded enthusiastically, then he paused for a few seconds. He moved his eyes to the bedroom door that had been left half-closed. He sighed.

«I'm honestly happy to know that he's physically alright. But I can't even imagine how it feels to have no memory of your past, being all alone without knowing who or where to go for...» He was trying to whisper, only to be sure that Changkyun wouldn't hear him. He didn't know how the boy really felt about it after all. «It must be really hard for him,» he frowned.

«Mmh...» Hoseok hummed thoughtfully and looked at the door too. He clicked his tongue. «Kkukungie doesn't seem to be that worried about it,» he pursed his lips. «Also, is it really that important?»

Jooheon looked at him in astonishment.

«What do you mean with that? Obviously it is, hyung!» He held his shoulder and shook him softly, as if he was trying to wake him up from a nap.

«Losing memory of the past... there's some people who ask for it every day,» Hoseok murmured, changing his position on the chair by sitting with a leg on each side and his arms crossed on the back. «Maybe one day Kkukungie's going to wake up remembering everything, or he'll come to me and tell me that he wants to bring those memories back, but if that's not the case – I'm not going to force him. Besides, even after a month, we've never talked about it.»

«But, hyung...» Jooheon was about to go on when Changkyun came out of the bedroom.

He was looking all sulky, almost pissed, and Jooheon was about to freak out thinking that could have actually heard their conversation.

Luckily, that was not the case.

Changkyun rushed to Hoseok, holding the console in his hands. Hoseok looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

«All the images suddenly disappeared and this thing doesn't work anymore!» Changkyun tapped his index finger on the black screen of the console.

Hoseok hummed and tried to switch it on himself, then shook it beside his ear without any particular reason, as if listening to the sound could help him guess what was actually going on with that thing. 

«I think the battery is totally fried,» he said as he opened the little casing on the back of the console to check the battery. He smelled it and twirled his lips in disgust by the strong smell of burnt plastic coming from it.

«Yeah, definitely.» He added. Jooheon, tried to give it a look too and nodded in agreement.

Changkyun frowned and took the console back in his own hands.

«How is it possible? Isn't this kind of stuff very expensive, too?! They should at least make it decent!» he yelled while frenetically touching it as if it was burning.

Hoseok didn't seem to be surprised by such behaviour and tilted his head to the side.

«It's not the company's fault. This is what happens when you play with it no-stop, like I've told you several times,» he was incredibly chill and even quite amused while talking. Even Jooheon looked at him in confusion.

«Aaah, fine!» Changkyun roared and rolled his eyes. If there was something he hated, that was Hoseok being right and worst, Hoseok being totally aware of it. He tugged the sleeve of his black hoodie. «Listen, Hoseok. We need a new battery, let's go buy one!»

«Are you going to pay for it with your own money?», Hoseok said and Changkyun blushed.

«I – uhm... well,» he stuttered, looking away. Here was another thing he hated.

Hoseok gave him a little smile and brushed him off with a hand. Changkyun was so easy to tease sometimes that he almost felt sorry for doing it.

«This puppy... I'm joking, okay? I received that console when I was still in middle school so I've grown quite fond of it,» he caught Jooheon smiling proudly at him and shrugged. «So I think another battery is necessary, after all.»

«Really?» Changkyun got his smile back already.

«Yes, but you'll have to be careful with it from now on,» Hoseok crossed his arms over his chest.

«Just because you still own this old stuff,» Changkyun provoked him playfully.

Hoseok faked a pout.

«What. It's vintage.»

«Hyung, I think Minhyuk-hyung could have what you need,» Jooheon carefully stepped into the conversation.

«Oh, that's right,» Hoseok nodded as he was gesturing Changkyun how to remove the battery from the console.

Changkyun looked at both of them with curiosity.

«Minhyuk-hyung...?» he asked.

«He's a childhood friend of mine who works in a game store not too far from here. Jooheon, you're close to him too, aren't you?» Hoseok talked to his friend who gulped and started choking on his beer within a second.

«Aah—uuh...yes, hy-hyung,» he tried to speak while coughing. But that was okay, at least he had an excuse for all that red spreading all over his face.

Hoseok was lazily hitting his friend's back with a hand when he took out the wallet from the pocket of his ripped jeans.

«Any way, that store still sells some spare parts and batteries for older models, so I think we'll have no problem,» he looked at Changkyun who was already walking to the main door to wear his shoes. «Do you want us to come with you?» He asked, even if he already knew the answer.

Changkyun really liked going out and hanging around on his own. It was something that he had started doing as soon as he was able to walk again. Hoseok wouldn't describe himself as apprehensive or worried when that happened, but he still would stick to his cellphone no matter where he was or what he was doing.

«It's okay, just send me the address and I'll find it!» Changkyun said, lifting both the cellphone and the console in his hands.

Oh yes, he had a cellphone. Hoseok lent him his old one that was also still registered with his old number. It wasn't much: one of the first models for smartphones made by Samsung to be more precise but Changkyun wouldn't care less about brands and more than anything he was grateful.

Hoseok gave him a smile and threw him his wallet. Changkyun caught it right in midair.

Hoseok took his phone and started dialing a number.

«I'll call Minhyuk to tell him that I'm sending you there. He usually gives us lots of discounts, so--»

«Okay, see you later!» Changkyun interrupted him and closed the main door at his shoulders.

 

Both Hoseok and Jooheon could hear the fast tapping of his feet down the stairs. Hoseok sighed and Jooheon -who was breathing properly again- looked at him with a compliant smile.

«Now I see why you two get along so well,» he giggled.

«Hm? Do we?» Hoseok murmured, stealing his friend's beer while looking at the other way. «He's a messy dog, though.»

«Hyung, come on. He's so your type!»

Jooheon said it as fast as he regretted it. Hoseok's back slaps were one of the most awful things in his whole existence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changkyun was proud of himself, he could say. Despite the fact that he had never walked that far on his own since he had started living with Hoseok, he was able to easily follow the map that the older had sent to him on his phone. The weather was nice, sun was setting and painting the sky in beautiful, warm colors. For the first time in a while (one month could be defined as 'a while', right?), Changkyun was looking at those streets with no fear. Some of them had started to look familiar and that was enough to make him feel comfortable.

Thinking about it, it was a pity that he was enjoying all of that on his own.

If only Hoseok...

 

«What the fuck?!», he stopped and slapped his cheek and those sudden thoughts altogether.

 _“If only Hoseok”_ , what? They were together at almost every hour, every single day. Changkyun knew it was mostly his fault for not liking to stay alone at home but he was slowly starting to get used to it? He was getting better, he could take care of himself and he could enjoy a sunset by himself, too. That was it.

He shook his head, ruffled his own hair and walked again.

The store was only a few meters away.

 

«Uhm, hello?» he said while opening the door. The tingling sound of the bell above caught him off guard and he jumped on the spot.

In a matter of seconds, a blonde haired guy rushed to the counter. He was quite skinny and his features were so delicate that it wouldn't be wrong to define him as kind of 'feminine looking'. Changkyun immediately noted his big, cheerful smile and how perfect his teeth looked. That blonde hair simply added more light to an already extra-shining figure.

Was it even legal to look like that?

Changkyun pursed his lips but still tried to act cool.

«Hello there! Welcome to Hongdae's best Game Store!» the boy exclaimed as he hinted a bow and Changkyun did the same.

He started searching for the console in the pockets of his leather jacket that happened to be one of Hoseok's old ones. He wondered how many pockets a damn jacket could have?

«Yes, thanks, erhm – I came here for...»

«You must be Changkyun!», the boy interrupted him abruptly while still smiling. From a certain point of view, that could almost be definined as creepy.

Changkyun frowned as he looked at him.

«Yes, how did you--?»

The boy placed his arms on the counter and leaned a bit forward.

«Hoseok-hyung called me to let me know that you'd pass by! He told me to look for a short guy with a frowning face and light brown hair and, well, I could tell it was you from the moment I saw you walking to the door!»

« _Short_ guy...», Changkyun hissed while forcing a smile. Hoseok would be dead as soon as he stepped back home. «You must be Minhyuk, then.» He added after taking a deep breath.

«It's me! Game pro expert Lee Minhyuk at your service, Changkyun-ie,» he bowed again, just a bit more dramatically this time, but Changkyun was more confused by that unexpected term of endearment.

«Yes, errmh - nice to meet you... hyung?», he muttered and finally took the console out of the pocket. He showed it to Minhyuk who seemed to be surprised just by looking at it. «The battery of this is... “fried” or something, that's what Hoseok said at least. We know that they're hard to find but Hoseok said that you have – everything?»

Minhyuk nodded througout everything he said while turning the console in his hands and observing it carefully. He really seemed to be an expert, after all.

Changkyun followed him with his eyes as he saw him moving to the computer but sighed as soon as he saw him shaking his head.

«We do have everything, but that battery must be ordered,» Minhyuk explained with his eyes still glued on the computer screen.

«Ordered? And how long is it going to take?» Changkyun asked.

«A couple of days I'd say. Is it okay for you?» Minhyuk smiled again, in a more normal way this time. It felt kind of reassuring.

Changkyun nodded, obviously, and took out Hoseok's wallet from the other pocket of the jacket.

«So, do I have to pay you now or...?» He wasn't used to it or, to a better say, he just couldn't remember how such things worked. He was kind of embarrassed because of that, too. He should've asked Hoseok.

Minhyuk looked a bit confused too, but he still kept smiling and shook his head.

«Oh no, you can pay for it when you come back. No worries!» He leaned forward over the counter again and this time, he placed his chin on the palms of his hands that were cupping his face. «So, how do you know Hoseok-hyung?»

That came out of nowhere.

«Uh?» Changkyun took a little step back. That guy, with that smile, he kind of reminded him of the Cheshire Cat he saw in the Disney movie he and Hoseok had watched together. Definitely creepy.

Minhyuk tilted his head and nodded.

«Yeah, I mean – are you guys friends? Co-workers? Cousins, perhaps?»

He was way too talkative, even for Changkyun.

«No, we... actually, I'm living with him,» he muttered as he was scratching the back of his neck. It was probably his first time felling awkward about it? Normally, he wouldn't care, just because there was nothing bad about it for him.

Minhyuk, on the opposite, blinked his eyes that now seemed to be filled with wonder.

«Oh, so you guys are a couple! Damn that hyung of mine, he didn't tell me a thing,» he was too loud. Changkyun started sweating. «I mean, he has always been quite secretive about his private life but a boyfriend?! I'm going to drop-kick him as soon as we meet again.»

«N-no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No. No. Nope. No, wait. No,» Changkyun sounded like a broken record.

«What?» Minhyuk chuckled. To his eyes, Changkyun was kind of amusing.

«I'm not his boyfriend. We're not a couple. We just live together, like... like that. You know? I live with him because he allowed me to, and--,» it was obvious that he was getting nervous, running his words, and Minhyuk noticed it straight away.

«Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry I assumed things on my own. It wasn't right to step into things that have nothing to do with me at all,» he reached for Changkyun's arm and patted it softly and he was still smiling even while apologising. «But can I still ask you another thing I'm really curious about? It has nothing to do with Hoseok-hyung, I promise!»

Minhyuk looked like he was begging him. Changkyun, with his cheeks still tinted with a slight blush, nodded in agreement. He really just wanted to go home now.

«Do you have a job, Changkyun-ie?»

«No. No, I don't,» he looked away. Minhyuk was obviously harmless but for all the cheeseburgers in McDonald's, did he have a degree in “embarassing questions” or something?

«That's great!» Minhyuk exclaimed cheerfully. Changkyun frowned and pulled back a little when the other suddenly held his hand. «There's this club I work in during the night. It's a cool place where men and women can come and chill while enjoying good music and company from ...entertainers. I work there as a waiter and we're searching for new ones.»

Changkyun raised an eyebrow. Was he really offering him a job after just a few minutes that they had known each other?

«The owners are very picky when it comes to looks in the employees and let me tell you, you're really, really cute Changkyun-ie. I'm sure that if you come over for an interview, they'll fall for you straight away!»

Minhyuk's eyes were glistening in hope, but Changkyun wasn't convinced.

«And the reason why you're offering me to apply for the job is...?»

Minhyuk cleared his throat. «We're desperate. New night clubs are opening everyday while our part-timers resign right after graduating from univer--»

«So it's a night club,» Changkyun interrupted him, a nervous tick was playing with his brow.

«Yes,» Minhyuk stared into his eyes.

«Forget it,» Changkyun claimed and pulled off his hand from his grip.

Minhyuk sighed in surrender.

«At least think about it?» he asked, but Changkyun had already took back the console and he was walking to the door.

«Please call Hoseok when the battery arrives, perverted hyung!» he bowed and walked out of the door, leaving a shocked Minhyuk with a wide-opened mouth staring at his back until he disappeared behind the nearest corner.

 

For some reason, Changkyun felt that the way back home had been a little bit longer than before.

It was probably due to the darker streets, or maybe because he was still so stunned by the previous conversation that he had turned at the wrong corner a couple of times. The weather was still nice, just a bit colder and that's why he closed the zip of the jacket, biting softly onto the pull and holding it between his teeth.

As far as he hoped to enjoy that little walk on his own, his 'given' sixth sense was telling him that it was better for him to come back home as fast as possible.

 

Could it be that it was going to rain?

No way, with such a beautiful, clear sky?

 

But sometimes rain could come even when not pre-announced and totally unexpected, just like how the past can still be on your tail even when you think everything's over or definitely forgotten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“It's me.”_

_(...)_

_“Yes, I've found him. He's in Hongdae.”_

_(…)_

_“No, stay where you are. There's no rush. Let's see how our long lost puppy is doing first.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

«Your friend is a pervert,» Changkyun growled as soon as Hoseok opened the door for him.

«Well, welcome back,» Hoseok said sarcastically while looking at him literally throwing himself on the sofa. He closed the door and reached for Changkyun, his eyes running all over his body as the boy finally laid down. «What about the battery?»

«He had to order it and it'll come in a couple of days,» Changkyun had just thrown his head backward on one of the armrest but lifted it up almost immediately, like someone who had just remembered something very important. «Did you know that he works in a night club?»

Since the younger wasn't willing to change his position, Hoseok opted for the easiest method and nonchalantly sat on his legs. «Minhyuk-ie? Sure, he's been working there for three years now. Why?»

Changkyun lifted his whole upper part this time, his hands reaching for Hoseok's hoodie and holding onto it. Only then, Hoseok noticed the blush on his cheeks.

«He asked me to work with him in a place like that. I was there for my goddamn console and he offered me a job as a waiter in a freakin night club,» Changkyun pressed his forehead against Hoseok's and breathed in. «I swear to God, I'm not going back to that store on my own ever again.»

Hoseok, on the contrary, was finding it to be quite funny. He smiled a little and patted Changkyun's head with his right hand.

«There, there. It's like any other job,» but Changkyun was flashing him with his eyes already. Hoseok pressed his forehead against his even harder. «Relax.»

One simple word coming from him, pronounced with calm and served with that illegible smile was what influenced Changkyun the most. He could be freaking out, and Hoseok's voice would still be a lullaby he could easily fall asleep to.

«My mom called earlier, right after Jooheon left,» he added all of a sudden. Changkyun was still mirroring his eyes.

«Your mom?», he murmured.

Hoseok hummed and closed his eyes, but he still wouldn't move. That wasn't an uncomfortable position, after all.

«She asked how I was doing, and I told her about you.»

«W-what?», Changkyun was already too nervous for that, or at least that's what he told himself. He raised his head but stopped when he almost bumped their noses together. «What did you say to her?»

«Sssh,» Hoseok kept his eyes closed. His breath was warm, regular and relaxed. Changkyun could feel it on his nose but it wasn't disturbing him at all. «I told her you're a friend who has just moved here from Gwanju and is in need of an accomodation until he finds an apartment on his own. She bought it and sends you her best regards.» He concluded, ironically.

Changkyun couldn't refrain from smiling a little.

«Gwanju,» he said.

«Your accent is quite similar to that, you know?» Hoseok half-opened his eyes and moved away his face only to rest his chin on Changkyun's head.

«You lied,» Changkyun muttered, now finding that new position not only uncomfortable, but also kind of awkward.

«I did,» Hoseok kept looking at the wall in front of him, absently.

«Aren't you going to get in trouble?»

Changkyun started playing with the centered pocket of Hoseok's hoodie.

«I'm not a baby like you. I can't get in trouble with my mom anymore,» the older teased with a cheeky smile.

«Fuck you,» Changkyun punched him softly in the stomach. «But still, why did you lie?»

Hoseok breathed in and moved his chin away from the younger's head. He bumped their foreheads together once again.

«Isn't it obvious? For the same reason why you're still here.»

«Because you'd probably be thrown into jail for kidnapping me?» Changkyun joked, that's what he used to do when feeling nervous about a specific topic. Hoseok had learnt that.

«I wonder if it's really “kidnapping” when I'm telling you that you can leave when you want to?», he looked at him with fake curiosity and the right answer literally engraved on his face.

Changkyun chuckled, smiling like he rarely did. One of those smiles in which one corner of his mouth would lift a little bit higher than the other, forming a dimple on that side only. A smile that showed his teeth and made his eyes into crescents.

That was also Hoseok's favorite smile.

«You're right,» Changkyun admitted when stopped shaking from that brief laugh, but still keeping that smile. He stared into Hoseok's eyes. «But I don't want to leave.»

«I know,» Hoseok blinked his eyes, and his sight became clearer than ever. «That's the whole point.»

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_My legs give up everytime I see you smiling._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a looooooooong chapter, guys! And things are going to get a bit more hectic from now on, yuhu.  
> A lot happened, there's clearly some development in wonkyun's relationship right? Yet NOTHING really happened, which is great. We still have quite a long way left!
> 
> Also, Minhyuk is finally here too and let me tell you, he's going to play an important role in the story so please don't forget about him! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I had a little bit more of a struggle writing it because of several reasons, the main one being the fact that I wanted many things to happen in this chapter but changed my mind over and over again. So yeah, I was a little bit confused lol. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments guys, each one of them gives me the push to keep writing for this story. <3
> 
> As always, you can find me on twitter by the username @wontokkii and on instagram by the username @icedllatte !
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	8. 08

 

 

 

_One night._

 

 

“ _Changkyun.”_

_Who was calling him? That voice sounded so familiar... why?_

“ _Come, Changkyun.”_

_Everything was white. What place was that? Why was everything so white? It's blinding, he didn't like it. Walls were white, the floor was white, the figure in front of him was wearing white. The light was too strong, his eyes could barely stay open._

_It hurt._

_His whole body hurt. His head felt like it was about to explode, his arms and legs felt numb, his back was aching against the cold wall behind him. His feet were cold, too. Why was he barefoot? No, not only that. He felt naked. Was he naked? He could only see his legs. Pale, skinny, bruised._

_And what was that thing around his right ankle? Something shiny, tingling as he slightly moved it... an anklet? An anklet with a nametag attached to it._

_'N°0126', was engraved on it._

_0126\. Why that number? Why was that thing on his ankle?_

“ _Who are you?”, he wanted to raise his voice. He was doing it in his head but his mouth was not moving no matter how much he tried. He had no control over his own body and it was driving him crazy._

“ _It's going to work this time.”_

_That was a man. A man dressed in white who was getting closer and closer, his steps echoing and the smile on his face becoming wider. A full-stretched smile that was clearly insane._

_Changkyun couldn't see his eyes, he couldn't see nothing but that spine-chilling smile about his face._

“ _Now, be a good boy and don't move.”_

_At that point he was sure: he had already heard that voice. Many, many times. And nothing good could come with it._

_He wanted to run, but to where? There was nothing but white around him. He couldn't see a window, he couldn't even see a door to reach for._

“ _Don't come any closer! Don't touch me!”, once again, his screaming seemed to be heard by no one but himself._

_And once he looked down at his feet again, what he saw was a pair of hands. Big hands covered in latex gloves. He saw the man dressed in white kneeling down in front of him, making room between his legs._

_One hand grabbed Changkyun's ankle, holding it tight, while the other one..._

“ _What... what's that?”_

_The other hand was holding a syringe and that syringe contained a blue liquid. The man's smile stretched even more, reaching both sides of his face and showing a mouthful of sharp teeth..._

_Something was wrong with Changkyun's mind._

_He was starting to see a monster._

“ _This is going to make you feel good, Changkyun. Don't worry. It's just a matter of seconds.”_

_That voice was dark, guttural, Changkyun could feel it scratching inside the walls of his head. He felt like his brain was being grabbed and smashed until nothing remained but his helpless and motionless body._

_His sight was shaking._

_He wanted it to stop._

_Why was that happening?_

_Why him?_

_The man came even closer. He could feel his breath was crashing, hot and heavy, against Changkyun's face._

_The smell of blood and latex was too strong. He felt nauseous._

_The syringe touched his left arm. The needle was long, way too long and thick and it hurt as soon as it started puncturing his skin._

“ _No!”, Changkyun was sure he was screaming at the top of his lungs, but yet again he couldn't even feel his own mouth moving._

“ _NO! LET ME GO-- IT HURTS! I SAID LET ME GO!”_

_His throat was burning, but no one was there to listen to him. No one would come and rescue him._

“ _Please!”_

_The grip around his ankle tightened. The man dressed in white kept smiling as he proceeded to hook the needle in the flesh of his arm. Brutal, aggressive, until his smile transformed into a screeching laugh._

_The man in white was excited. Excited to the point of laughing while Changkyun was screaming in fear and pain._

“ _It hurts!”_

_Blood was dripping, the white floor was now stained in red._

 

«Kkukungie.»

 

“ _IT HURTS! STOP!”_

_The man dressed in white was now standing again. He was looking down at him._

 

«Kkukungie?»

 

“ _I DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE!”_

_The man in white grabbed his neck. Changkyun couldn't breathe. His chest was on fire while his head was about to explode._

 

«Kkukungie!»

 

“ _Let me die.”_

_He wanted to disappear. He didn't want to feel anything anymore._

_No more pain, no more fear._

 

“ _LET ME DIE!”_

 

«CHANGKYUN!»

 

04:27 a.m.

 

Changkyun woke up with a jolt. He was panting, his whole body shivering while covered in droplets of cold sweat. His eyes opened wide but he wasn't able to focus his sight on anything for the first few seconds. Everything was blurry and definitely not white anymore. That place was dark, and warm. He was lying on something soft. A bed.

«Changkyun?»

He turned his head to the side from which that voice was coming from and immediately pulled away when someone tried to touch him.

What was going on? Where did that man in white go?

His mind was completely blank and every single sound, from that voice that kept calling him to the creaking of the bed echoed inside his head, louder and louder, to the point of confusing him even more.

«Uuh –...», with his eyes wide open, he was shaking so hard it was making his teeth rattle and he couldn't talk properly anymore.

«Hey,» Hoseok tried to call him again, keeping his voice as calm as possible. «What's wrong?» He tried to reach for Changkyun's face, but his hand was soon pushed away.

Something was wrong with the younger. Hoseok tried his best to catch his expressions without having to switch on the lights inside the bedroom. He didn't know what Changkyun's reaction could be and he had to be careful.

«Answer me,» but all he got in response was a push that almost made him fall from the bed.

Since when had Changkyun become that strong?

Hoseok stared at the other's figure and strived to shape his features in the dark. He saw him lifting his back, grabbing his own hair and pulling it. He could even see his chest rising and falling for how deep he was panting.

That was clearly some kind of very bad mental breakdown.

Hoseok grabbed Changkyun' shoulders with a quick move, his fingers were holding them tightly and pressing on his skin over the fabric of the over-sized hoodie Changkyun was sleeping in.

«Let-- let me go...», Changkyun finally spoke. His trembling voice sounded so weak between those heavy breathes.

His whole body felt so hot that Hoseok thought he could have a fever, but when he attempted to press his forehead against his, Changkyun gave him a strong head-butt.

«Fuck,» Hoseok hissed, squinting his eyes from the pain. «Changkyun, it's me!» He shouted. Not only was he starting to get worried, but all of that was annoying.

The idea of Changkyun not recognizing him, was annoying.

«Don't touch me! DON'T TOUCH ME!», Changkyun yelled back as he was shaking his whole body trying to free himself from that grip. He was hitting the mattress with his legs and making so much noise that anyone could assume he was being assaulted.

But he really couldn't recognize that person. Something in his head was telling him that he should, but he just couldn't. He felt like his brain was being washed and turned at high speed, his mind was a fuss full of memories, faces, voices, names, sensations, colors, showing up and flowing in front of his eyes without giving him the time to focus on anything.

With a sudden and strong move, he pressed his right hand on Hoseok's face and tried hard to push him away.

«Go away!», his voice cracked.

At that point, Hoseok completely lost it and realized he had to do it the hard way. He groaned against Changkyun's palm and mercilessly slammed his body back on the bed that bounced under their weight and creaked almost to the point of breaking. Hoseok moved his hands to grab Changkyun by his wrists. It was hard to tell, but he was pretty sure they were facing each other at that moment.

«Shut the fuck up, dumbass,» he murmured as he fastly leaned down, reaching for the Changkyun's left ear.

He bit the lobe, hard enough to feel a slight taste of blood on his tongue.

But the good thing was, Changkyun finally became quiet.

Even though he clearly was still having a hard time breathing, even though he was still shaking like a leaf in the wind, Changkyun had calmed down and Hoseok could let go of his wrists.

But he was still over the younger's body, and he had no intention of going away. Besides, he kept looking for a few seconds, his eyes pointed on Changkyun's face now that the moonlight was shinier and filtering from the slightly open window.

«It's me,» he murmured.

Changkyun was still confused, he was scared. But he could recognize Hoseok and he frowned while looking back at him. His whole face was so sweaty and his lips parted as he was trying to catch as much air as possible.

«I'm here,» Hoseok kept talking and he looked somehow exhausted, too. He sighed, kind of relieved even if his breath was trembling.

He laid down, slowly, and gently pressed his chest against the other's. Both of their hearts were pounding so hard it felt like they were trying to punch each other from chest to chest.

Changkyun closed his eyes as soon as his nose and lips touched Hoseok's shoulder notch. He could smell his scent, the cologne in the light blue glass bottle that he had learned to recognize even from the farest distance.

«You're safe. I'm here,» Hoseok wrapped his arms around Changkyun's bust and pushed him even closer. It hurt, almost, because Hoseok was strong, but more than anything, it felt good.

Those reassuring words, Hoseok's voice, the warmth of his body. All of that felt good and calming to the point that Changkyun allowed himself to cry. Quietly, in silent tears and soft sobs. He sniffed, hid his face in that safe, perfumed cradle that was Hoseok's neck and tried to go back to a normal breathing rythm.

But his heart, oh his heart. He had no control over it anymore.

That's right. Hoseok was there. He didn't know where those... memories?, came from but that, that was his reality at the moment. He wasn't alone, he wasn't in danger because he had Hoseok by his side.

He returned the hug, with not much strenghth since his body was still shaking and weak from the shock, but he was able to place his hands on Hoseok's back and held onto the fabric of his shirt.

Hoseok was breathing against his ear, his damp and soft lips touching it as he spoke again, and Changkyun sighed in relief. Those words were all he needed to know and despite his conditions, he hinted a smile.

«I'll always be here.»

 

 

 

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

 

_That afternoon._

 

«Are you really sure he never mentioned about a thing? How can such a thing happen in just one night, all of a sudden? “It hurts”? “Let me die”? That's not okay at all, Hoseok», Kihyun was standing on a chair, his arms crossed and eyes pointed at the open pantry in front of him, which was right above the stove. Lunch service had finished and it was the weekend, and so it was time for every single one of the restaurant staff, cooks or not, to check on the quality, freshness and expiry date of all the products. Even if boring and somehow tiring, that rule came out to be quite useful and Kihyun (who had been the one coming out with it), considered himself proud. Changkyun wasn't there with them. In fact, he had to go back to Minhyuk's store to finally get the battery that he had ordered for his console.

Hoseok, who was kneeling down in front of one of the refrigerators, raised an arm to hand Kihyun the foods register.

«I've told you already, it's the first time. Kkukungie has never shown any sign of discomfort since the first day he started living with me,» he sighed deeply and ran his finger through his hair in a slow motion until he grabbed it at the back after lowering his head. «He barely talked to me this morning after waking up. That idiot was probably embarrassed or shit like that and straight off left home to go to Minhyuk's store.»

Suddenly, he heard a crunching sound right beside his ear. He looked at his left and saw Hyungwon crouched down and munching on a slice of garlic bread. The younger wasn't even looking at him, he was just peeping at Kihyun to make sure that the chef wouldn't see him and using Hoseok's body as a shield. He had been paying attention to the whole conversation though, and spoke with crumbles of bread on his full lips.

«Isn't it typical of Changkyun? He gets really quiet when he's feeling annoyed or uncomfortable. Don't worry too much about it; besides, his state of mind is what's really important at the moment.»

Changkyun and Hyungwon had become pretty close, Hoseok was well aware of it. He raised a brow and gave a quick look at Kihyun who was probably still listening but too concentrated on noting down the expiry dates on the register. It was quite funny honestly, watching him tip-toeing on a chair with his head tucked in a pantry.

«I know, and I have no doubt that what he dreamed about is somehow related to his memory loss. That's what makes me the most nervous,» Hoseok closed the refrigerator and stood up, leaving a poor, still busy eating Hyungwon completely uncovered when Kihyun was done with the first page of the register.

«Seriously?», Kihyun looked down at him from his chair with a deep and disappointed frown.

Hyungwon fastly licked the bread crumbles away from his lips and stood up.

«What,» he faked a confused look and nonchalantly turned around. He walked with big and determined steps to the other side of the kitchen, where a Son Hyuwoo with his fatherly-like smile was waiting for him.

Kihyun attempted to open his mouth to serve Hyungwon with one of his lectures but gave up with a frustrated sigh as soon as his boyfriend Hyunwoo looked at him with a raised brow and an amused smile. It was better that way though. He could concentrate again on getting the work done and talking with Hoseok.

Hoseok who, in the meanwhile, had isolated himself to check his phone. Not even doing anything with it, but simply staring at the screen, waiting for who knows what to pop up.

«Listen, Hoseok,» Kihyun approached him and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. He took a deep breath before talking.

«I know you're worried... okay, no, don't look at me like you're about to shoot me right in the face – I know you, okay? You don't express much, in all honesty... sometimes I even wonder if you are feeling something at all. But Changkyun has been with you for more than a month now, you guys spend every single day together and considering your situation – I think you guys have bonded more than you both expected. And I know how I first acted towards Changkyun, I couldn't trust him at all and you can't blame me for that, okay? But now I know he's a good guy, a good guy that has gone through something bad that he can't even remember. It sucks. For him, for you and even for us.»

Hoseok didn't say anything, he just kept listening while still holding the phone in his left hand, so tight that even his knuckles turned white.

Also Hyunwoo and Hyungwon approached them and nodded at everything Kihyun was saying.

«Changkyun needs you, now more than ever. If what you just said about his past memories coming back is true, this might be a delicate moment for him,» Kihyun got somehow embarrassed by his own speech. He was so used to raise his voice and throwing lectures that he had thought that he wasn't able to talk like that anymore. But Hyunwoo, who was standing at his side, was obviously proud of him. So much that he felt the need to caress his light brown hair down to his nape, making the chef blush a little.

«It's not me guessing it. Kkukungie knows what's going on. I can read it on his face,» Hoseok had finally started to speak again. His eyes were misty as they were pointed somewhere behind the shoulders of his three friends. «He knows it's about him and he knows it's about his past. That's why he's so scared of even just talking about it. He's so stupid to think that it would be a burden for me, and it fucking pisses me off.»

«You're talking like that only because you're worried, hyung. You can't blame Changkyun-ie for avoiding the topic of his mental breakdown,» Hyungwon crossed his arms at his chest, leaning over the side of a machine with his shoulder. «I'd be reclutant too if I was in his shoes.»

«Let's not forget that Changkyun has become very fond of Hoseok. I may not know him that well, but I'm pretty sure Hoseok is his first and only worry in all of this. More than about his own past, Changkyun is probably afraid of causing troubles to Hoseok and making himself looking bad in Hoseok's eyes,» Hyunwoo stated in a very calm and rational way, drawning in even Hoseok's attention.

Something was telling Hoseok that Hyunwoo was right, and not only the fast nods coming from Kihyun and Hyungwon. He knew Changkyun didn't like to cause troubles, he knew how he felt about owning Hoseok his life even though Hoseok was the first one to tell him not to worry about it – but looking at it from Hyunwoo's perspective, Changkyun's behaviour wasn't stupid. It was similar to his own.

«You two are more similar than you realise,» Kihyun added, slapping his arm.

«You protect him, he protects you,» Hyungwon smiled even if his eyes were almost closing from the tiredness. «If Changkyun-ie's past was really that bad and it's about to come back, well - do your best to help him overcoming it. For good.»

 

  

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Hoseok looked upset,”_ Changkyun was standing with his head down, lost in thoughts, a pout on his face while looking at his own shoes. He was wearing a pair of black Converse All Star that he had bought with Hoseok at a second hand market in Namdemun a couple days before. The memory of that day made his stomach twist painfully, so much that he had to grab onto the fabric of his grey shirt.

“ _What happened tonight has probably disturbed him a lot,”_ he bit onto his bottom lip and frowned, starting to tap the floor with the tip of his right shoe. He felt confused, scared, pissed, worried, and probably the whole scale of bad emotions all at the same time.

“ _Should I pretend that nothing happened? I'm pretty sure he won't feel burdened if I'm the first one not worrying about it,”_ his brain kept on developing such assumptions, every single one of them was different but still coming for the same conclusion: Hoseok wouldn't have to deal with his problems.

Changkyun was motivated while thinking that, no matter what or how much Hoseok would have pressured him to talk, he would have never mentioned that episode again. And if it had to happen again during the following nights, if his memories were really coming back, he would've fought them on his own. So that Hoseok could've minded his own business in peace, so that Changkyun could have stayed by his side at least for a little longer.

«Ermh, hello?»

Someone called for his attention while waving a hand a few centimeters apart from his face. It was Minhyuk, leaning from the counter, who was waiting for him to pay for the battery he came for.

«Hellooo? Is anyone there? Knock knock?» Minhyuk mocked him with a sing-song voice, literally knocking his knuckles onto his forehead, softly.

When Changkyun had finally raised his head and looked at the blonde guy, a nervous yet troubled expression was already painted on his face. Minhyuk caught it straight away and frowned while tilting his head a little to the side.

«You are so mopey today, what's wrong?», he blinked his eyes and paused for a few seconds, then he raised both of his hands in the front as if to stop an answer that, anyway, wasn't about to come. «If it's still about that job offer at the night club, I'm sorry okay? I don't see it as a bad thing but I understand I shouldn't hav--.»

«It's not about that, hyung,» Changkyun interrupted him and proceeded to rub his nape. It was hard to look at someone's face while remembering such a nightmare. Fragments of it had been reassembling and deconstructing in his mind the whole day. All that white, the strong lights, the smell of blood and latex. That man and his crazy laughing. Changkyun sighed and started searching for the wallet in his pockets. «I'm just in a bad mood.»

Minhyuk pouted his lips and nodded, even though he was not convinced at all.

«I see,» he took a little plastic bag and put the battery in it before moving to the cashier. All of that while never taking his eyes off Changkyun. He raised an eyebrow. «Did something happen with Hoseok-hyung?»

Changkyun slammed the money on the counter, Minhyuk jumped on the spot in shock.

«NOTHING happened with Hoseok. Nothing's wrong with Hoseok. I'm in a very bad mood, hyung. That's it,» he muttered as he was on the verge of exploding. He needed to get out of there, he needed to get some air and go back home. The only indoor location were, he was sure, he wouldn't have felt like suffocating.

«Okay, okay. I'm sorry,» Minhyuk whispered while carefully reaching for Changkyun's money over the counter. He completed the payment and then handed him the plastic bag with the battery and the receipt. «Here you go, Changkyun-ie.» He said while showing a comforting smile.

«Thanks, hyung» Changkyun knew that Minhyuk didn't deserve to be treated that way, but he had soon discovered that controlling the emotions had never been his thing. He looked at the blonde only for a moment and curled his nose in a reclutant way. «And, I should be the one apologizing. Sometimes I just can't control myself.»

«Yeah, I figured,» Minhyuk joked around, shaking his head. «Don't worry about it. Besides, remember that you can always call me if you need, hm? Friends of Hoseok-hyung are my friends, too.»

With that, Changkyun smiled for the first time in the whole day and hinted a bow.

«Thanks again, Minhyuk-hyung,» he took the plastic bag and turned to walk to the door, but stopped half-way to look back at Minhyuk. He smirked. «Oh, right. Jooheon-hyung told me to say hello.»

Minhyuk jolted on the spot and his face suddenly turned red all at once. From his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

«I-I-I see,» he stuttered while pressing random keys on the cashier with a nervous speed, not daring to exchange Changkyun's glance. «Say he-hello to him, too – I'll... I'll call him later tonight after my shift at the night club.» He faked a cough.

Changkyun huffed a giggle: both Jooheon and Minhyuk were quite amusing to him. He wasn't an expert in relationships and such, but Hoseok had in fact told him something about those two and the two-years-long crush they had for each other. He waved at Minhyuk as he walked out of the store.

«Roger that. Bye, hyung.»

«Bye... uh?»

Minhyuk looked at the closing door and blinked his eyes, wondering if what he had just seen was wrong or not. Changkyun had just turned at a corner on the other side of the street when someone popped out of nowhere in front of the store's window.

A man dressed with a long, black coat was staring at Changkyun's direction. He was just standing there, hands in his pockets, but his eyes were deeply focused. Minhyuk kept looking at him from inside the store and moved a little bit closer to the door while pretending to be doing whatever.

«That man... isn't he...?» He murmured.

At that point Minhyuk knew he was right. He had already seen that face many times.

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

_That night._

 

«Lee Minhyuk!», the bar man called for him from the other side of the counter, sliding drinks and cocktails one after the other on the marble surface. Minhyuk, in his tight, total black waiter suit and blonde hair pulled back, rushed to him and immediately grabbed a platter. The bar man brushed him off with a hand as soon as he got there. «Orders for tables number 6 and 28, do it quickly!»

«Sure, hyung!», Minhyuk placed all the drinks on the platter and fastly walked back to the club's main lounge.

The night club was packed that night. Customers could be found at every corner: sitting, standing, smoking, drinking, chatting, dancing, making out. Private rooms were also all taken for those who had already decided to spend the night together. Music was loud, strippers and pole dancers were doing a great job on the stage, collecting money from drunk or just aroused men and women.

Someone could have told him that a night club wasn't the right place for him to work in, that it was not to be recommended, but Minhyuk actually enjoyed a lot. Having fun didn't seem wrong to him at all, and being a waiter allowed him to spend his time chatting with customers and listening to other people's stories. Being as nosey and loud as he was, a night club was his ideal environment.

He served customers at the table number 6 their drinks and made his own way to the next one. Table number 28 was one of the most hidden, placed in a corner of the lounge, quite far from the stage and customers would have usually complained about having to sit there.

There were three men sitting at that table, and none of them seemed to be interested about what was going on on the stage. They didn't even mind to look at Minhyuk as he quietly and carefully placed their drinks in front of them. Taking advantage of the situation, Minhyuk dared to give a proper look at the three mens' faces, and all his doubts were soon clarified: they were all regular customers at the club and one of them, the tallest one, was the man he had seen staring at Changkyun outside of his store that afternoon. He knew he was right when he told himself that his face was familiar.

Once conscious that standing there longer would have looked suspicious, Minhyuk walked away from the table and decided to look over those men from a more hidden spot. He leaned over a wall and held the platter to his chest, doing his best to isolate his ears from the loud music and concentrate on their conversation.

«We should take action as soon as possible,» one of them said, looking utterly nervous. «What's the point with letting him free to walk around like that?»

«That would've been easier if he was alone. Sources from the Hongdae disctrict reported that he's currently living with another man and that they barely separate from each other», the shorter one said.

But then, the man Minhyuk had recognized that day spoke.

«I've been following him for a couple of days, and he was alone. Therefore, it's not impossible to isolate him and make him come back to us.»

Minhyuk frowned and leaned a bit closer: something was telling him that he had to keep listening.

He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest, his hands started to feel sweaty.

«Are we going to kidnap him? I don't think it's a good idea: people who are close to him would immediately run to the cops if he suddenly disappears for no reason, and we wouldn't have the time to bring him back to Mr. Kim.»

«Everything must be done behind the scenes, Myunsoo. Our current situation is already that delicate, we can't fail.»

“Myunsoo”, so that was the man's name. Minhyuk gulped. That Myunsoo looked utterly relaxed and even smirked as the lighted up a cigarette for himself.

«Our Changkyun has always been an obedient puppy...», he blowed some smoke out. «There's no need to kidnap him, let's not be dramatic. The man he's living with... fits our case perfectly.»

The other two men seemed to get his point and smiled, the short one took a big sip of his drink.

«Hit that puppy where it hurts the most, am I right?»

The third one nodded. «According to the sources, those two got quite close. I wonder if our precious guinea pig is in love?»

«That would be a waste.»

“ _Changkyun? Kidnapping? Guinea pig?”_ , Minhyuk's mind was a hurricane of thoughts and didn't really know what was keeping him from panicking. Those three men had something to do with Changkyun's past and they somehow wanted him back. They had been following him for the whole time since the day Hoseok found him. They knew about Hoseok, they knew about everyone around Changkyun and now they were talking about threatening him so that he would be the one following their orders? They knew that hurting Hoseok would be the perfect way to get Changkyun.

 

That couldn't be. He had to do something before it was too late.

 

 

 

Text message ㅡ 호석형

_“Hyung, is Changkyun-ie with you?”_

 

 

Text message ㅡ 민혁

_“Hey, Minhyuk. Yes he's right beside me playing video games. Why?”_

 

Text message _ㅡ_ 호석형

_“That's good. Hyung, you can't leave him alone.”_

 

Text message _ㅡ_ 민혁

_“What are you talking about?”_

 

Text message _ㅡ_ 호석형

_“Just, don't let him go out on his own. Changkyun-ie's in danger, and you too!”_

 

 

Text message _ㅡ_ 민혁

_“Minhyuk, are you drunk? What's going on with you?”_

 

Text message _ㅡ_ 호석형

_“I'll explain everything as soon as my shift is over. Wait for me at your place tonight and PLEASE make sure Changkyun-ie's sleeping by the time I get there.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are with - finally - the 8th chapter! it took me way longer to write it, mostly because i'm back to work so I don't have as much time as before. So, it's clear that sh*t is about to happen and I hope y'all are ready for it! :) Hints of Changkyun's past have been thrown, what do you guys think? 
> 
> Let me know in the comments (srsly, there's no comment on the previous chapter and opinions is what keep me going, so -- I prefer not to lose my motivation)! Thank you for reading my story!


	9. 09

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Only God knows how fast Minhyuk had to run to get to Hoseok's apartment in such a short time. He hadn't even changed, but simply excused himself as soon as his shift ended and grabbed his coat and bag where he had abruptly shoved his casual clothes.

Hoseok had already texted him that Changkyun was asleep and since waking him up was definitely not a choice, Minhyuk decided to send him another text when he got in front of the main door. He had lost counts of how many times he felt the urge of looking around, checking every corner of the streets at night.

What he heard at the night club was not only something that Hoseok had to know as soon as possible, but also something not to be neglected by none of the people around both Hoseok and Changkyun. That meant that he himself had to be careful, too.

If it wasn't for the gravity of the situation, Minhyuk would have been quite excited, probably feeling like he was part of an action movie or some kind of thriller novel, but that was not the time to joke around.

Hoseok opened the main door for him and in a matter of seconds they were facing each other on the threshold of his apartment.

Minhyuk was panting heavily, Hoseok was staring at him with a confused frown.

«So?», Hoseok said, his forearm resting on the doorjamb. «It's two in the morning. What's going on with you?»

«Hyung, this is... really urgent,» Minhyuk tried to catch his breath as he placed both hands on the older's shoulders. «Let's go in and get a seat.» He pushed him mercilessly and Hoseok almost tripped on his own feet as he was forced to walk backwards.

They sat at the kitchen's table, facing each other, but only after Hoseok fnally agreed to make sure Changkyun was really sleeping as Minhyuk insisted to ask him to.

«There was a man standing outside my store today, he seemed to be interested in Changkyun,» Minhyuk couldn't find a better way to introduce the topic, and honestly he didn't think that sugar-coating it was needed nor useful.

Hoseok's eyes, no matter how tired they looked, lighted up immediately at those words: Minhyuk looked serious, too serious even for it to be one of the younger's stupid jokes. Also, it was clearly about Changkyun. And that was all that mattered.

«What do you mean? Which man? Why Kkukungie?», he asked harshly.

Minhyuk ran a handful of fingers through his hair and pulled it back, his teeth biting onto the lower hip nervously as he was trying to sort out a proper summary of what he had heard. He didn't know what to expect from Hoseok at that point and needless to say, he was scared.

«I thought that his face looked familiar, and I was right. He and other two men have been regular costumers at the night club for quite a while now. They were there tonight too and I couldn't help but feeling suspicious after recognizing him. So I decided to eavesdrop their conversation,» Minhyuk looked up and immediately met Hoseok's keen eyes. «They know Changkyun-ie, hyung. They know who Changkyun-ie is and most importantly, who he was. They are not good people. In fact, it seemed to me by their conversation that Changkyun-ie managed to run away from them and they want him back.»

Hoseok inhaled some air and stood quiet, almost emotionless, and Minhyuk felt a knot forming in his stomach. He kept talking.

«They've been following him for a while now, they know he lives here with you. They know about you, hyung, and that you have other people around you. All they want is to get Changkyun-ie back, and they'll do anything to make it happen. They know that hurting you would hit his weakest spot. If you leave Changkyun-ie alone, they'll get him. If you keep staying by his side, they'll come for you to persuade him to follow their orders. You're both in danger, hyung – and I'm worried. They... they called Changkyun-ie a “guinea pig”, they talked about bringing him back to a certain “Mr. Kim”-- they didn't go into details about Changkyun-ie's past, but at this point it's clear that we're talking about something bad, something dangerous.»

The atmosphere got tense and a veil of frost fell over their heads. The entire apartment became awfully quiet, with Minhyuk on the verge of a nervous breakdown who kept staring eagerly into Hoseok's eyes, waiting for a reaction from the older.

In all honesty, it would have been easier and more reassuring for him if Hoseok had showed something more in terms of emotions than just that cold stare. His dark brown eyes were in fact pointed, glassy and distorted, at a random spot behind Minhyuk's shoulder as if he was aiming to set it on fire.

«Hyung--», Minhyuk tried to call him, but Hoseok immediately interrupted him.

«It must've been really hard for you, Minhyuk-ie. Considering what you just told me, you put yourself at risk by running here tonight», his eyes finally moved and laid on his younger's friend face. Minhyuk was confused. «Thank you. But promise me you'll never do something like this again.»

«This is not about me, hyung! Both you and Changkyun-ie are in danger!», the blonde raised his voice, his forehead sweating cold, and Hoseok gestured him to talk lower.

«I got that,» Hoseok answered quietly. «Don't worry, I know what to do. Besides, it would be awful of me to let you go outside all alone in the dark after what just happened.You can stay here for tonight, I'll get you a blanket and a pillow for the sofa.»

He said, hinting a smile as he stood up from the chair. Minhyuk on the other hand couldn't agree with such behaviour and fastly leaned over the table to stretch one arm out and grab Hoseok's wrist.

«Are you fucking out of your mind, hyung?!», he exclaimed, his ears getting red from the strong embarrassment of it being the first time he had actually talked to him almost informally. «I ran all the way here to warn you, but acting like this – it seems like you don't care about it at all! What about your safety? What about Changkyun-ie's safety?!»

Hoseok turned his head in a jealous rage and looked down at the other's hand disapprovingly. Minhyuk gulped but didn't give up on staring into the older's eyes as he saw something different into them.

«His safety is the only thing that matters to me. Kkukungie, is all that matters,» his voice was so deep. «Let me go now.» He pulled his arm and swatted Minhyuk's hand away.

«Sorry...», the blonde muttered, his hand still lifted in the mid-air while he was watching Hoseok quietly entering the bedroom to grab a blanket and a pillow for him to use.

Minhyuk let out a sigh. Even though he was still worried, he felt the weight in his chest getting a little bit lighter: he made it. Now that Hoseok knew about the plans of those three men, everything was going to be easier. He would take the right precautions and think about a solution so that both him and Changkyun could be safe again.

Yes, everything would turn out well.

Hoseok came back from the bedroom and handed him two blankets and a pillow.

«Thanks, hyung,» Minhyuk nodded as he took everything and moved to the sofa. «I'll make sure to wake up early enough to not be noticed by Changkyun-ie tomorrow. I know you'll handle the situation well.» He smiled softly, trying to sound reassuring.

«Minhyuk-ie,» Hoseok crouched over the sofa to help the younger tucking the blankets under the pillows. He was holding a serious expression. «Thank you for what you did. I'll make sure you won't get into any trouble.»

Minhyuk frowned, the ghost of the previous smile still on his lips as he parted them to speak, but Hoseok hadn't finished yet.

«I have to ask you to not tell anyone about this. Kihyun-ie, Hyungwon-ie, Hyunwoo-hyung, not even Jooheon-ie. They have to stay out of it,» he looked at him with the side of his eye. «Please.»

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

The house was dark, everything was quiet. Minhyuk was sleeping on the sofa in the other room, his soft snoring breaking the silence. Hoseok had an hard time convincing him to let go of their discussion and just sleep. Minhyuk in fact was sure that telling their friends and asking them for help would have been the best choice, but Hoseok had other plans in mind and involving other people would have been not only dangerous, but also a waste of time. Things had to be done, and they had to be done fast.

He went back to the bedroom where Changkyun had been sleeping soundly for the whole time. Hoseok found him in the same exact position he had left him in the beginning, all curled up to his pillow. He was breathing slowly, warm air puffing out of his slightly parted lips. His face was so relaxed that it was hard to tell that he had just spent a whole day being utterly nervous after a mental breakdown.

Hoseok walked to the other side of the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible. He laid down, the bed creaked a bit and he curled his lips in annoyance at the sound: the last thing he wanted was for Changkyun to wake up. He rested his right cheek on the pillow, facing the younger as usual.

He would have liked to fall asleep immediately, but something was keeping him wide awake.

Changkyun was there, right in front of him. Sleeping, vulnerable, but healthy and safe. Hoseok couldn't help but asking himself how different things would have been if he wouldn't have found him or better, if he wouldn't have decided to pick him up from his dirty hole and take him home.

Many things were now different: the fridge was always filled with fruit juices and vanilla ice-creams, because they were Changkyun's favorites. Pantries were full of junk food and chocolate bars, because Changkyun couldn't resist on buying it everytime Hoseok sent him to the supermarket. Tv was always tuned on the cartoons channel, because Changkyun didn't like watching stuff that could make him sad or angry. A lot of things had doubled. Slippers, pajamas, tooth brushes, towels, clothes. Some of them were new, they would buy them together, others were Hoseok's.

The whole atmosphere inside the apartment was different. Changkyun was loud, talkative, needy. A true puppy and exactly Hoseok's opposite. When Changkyun was awake and around, everything would light up and come to life.

That was what Hoseok could notice, that was how he felt, and thinking about it had been easier than he expected.

He stood there, his eyes not leaving Changkyun's figure not even for a moment. They were wide open, focused, and suddenly glowling at one simple thought that had just made his way through his mind: there was no need to think about how things “could have been”. Changkyun was there because of Hoseok and Hoseok only and with that being said, Hoseok had to take the whole responsibility.

“I'll always be here”, that's what he said the previous night. That was right.

Everything that had changed in his life since Changkyun arrived, he would have preserved it. All the experiences he had shared with him, he would have cherished them. All the things that Changkyun was and he had never been, all the things they didn't have in common but still kept them together, he would have protected them.

He reached for Changkyun's hair and touched it as he scooted a little bit closer. He kept looking at him, even if he couldn't see his face properly. Changkyun was warm, soft, and tiny. Even in his outer appearance, he was his complete opposite. Hoseok was cold, or at least that was how he felt, and he mentally apologized to the other when he decided to wrap his arms around him.

Just a little.

He wanted to keep him close just a little.

He finally closed his eyes, but he knew he wasn't going to sleep anyway. He lowered his head and dipped his nose through that soft, raspberry-scented hair and breathed in. Changkyun's didn't even flinch, he just kept sleeping, and his soft breath started crashing onto Hoseok's skin.

A little bit more.

Hoseok wanted to hold him a little bit tighter, and ended up pressing his chest against the other's.

He opened his eyes again, only for a moment, and looked over the clock. It read 4:23 am.

He had never cared about time before. But as he was holding Changkyun in his arms, as his decisions about what to do finally became clear, he found himself asking for that clock to tick as slow as it could.

 

 

 

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

_The next day. Early afternoon._

 

 

«Okay, now push them deeper into the boiling water. They have to be completely soak-- no, hey. You'll break them this way.»

«Arrgh! Who the heck thought that making these things so thin was a good idea?!»

«It's not that hard, you're just putting too much strength in it.»

«Tell me again why it's me who has to do it. You know how to cook, Hoseok! Do it yourself!»

«Haven't we talked about the fact that you have to learn how to do the basic things on your own? Now, turn down the flame a little.»

«How am I supposed to do everything at once?!»

«Because you got two hands right there, Kkukungie. Come on.»

Changkyun pouted and did as he was told by turning the dial of the stove with his right hand while the left was still busy stirring the glass noodles inside the pot. It was lunch time and Hoseok had come out with the idea of making him cook with the excuse that it was the weekend and he could do everything with no rush. Changkyun had never used the stove before and the only time he had tried to he ended up burning himself. He wasn't scared of it though, he just.. couldn't deal with the fact that he was having a hard time attempting something and that Hoseok was right there as the only witness.

Hoseok was right there, staring at him while sitting backwards on a chair.

«Very good, now take a pinch of salt between your fingers,» he said, nodding towards the jar of salt that had been purposely put next to the stove.

Changkyun frowned as he carelessly shoved his hand in it and grabbed a totally random amount of salt.

«Like this?», he turned to the other and showed him his fist.

Hoseok frowned and hinted an amused chuckle.

«That's not a pinch, but a fistful,» he said. Changkyun rolled his eyes and puffed his cheeks. He turned back to the stove and threw the excess salt back in the jar.

Hoseok kept smiling without even noticing, his eyes laid on the younger's figure and never left his side, following him in every move. Changkyun was struggling with the texture of the noodles as he was trying to pick up one of them to taste, and when the hot water splashed on his hand and he jumped back in shock and pain, Hoseok laughed.

Changkyun was about to blow cold air on the back of his now injuried hand when that sound caught his attention. He turned his head to look at Hoseok and he saw something he had never seen before and that was Hoseok's laughing face. He felt like being in front of a whole new frame. Hoseok's smile was so big, his teeth were so white and perfect, his gums showing a little. His eyes were a pair of crescents and his cheekbones lifted, looking soft and smooth. Changkyun was mesmerized by that sound. He had never heard his laugh before, he had never heard something so crystalline and beautiful to the point of making his jaw drop.

«Gosh.You sure are something,» Hoseok pulled back his hair with a hand and tried to pull himself together. «You have to be careful.» He loooked at Changkyun and found him staring with the most dumbfounded expression.

At that point, they were just looking into each other's eyes. Hoseok raised a brow and tilted his head to the side, not being able to understand what was going on with the other.

«Again,» Changkyun murmured, his expression not changing.

«Hm?» Hoseok hummed.

«Your laugh,» Changkyun replied and started scratching his nape. He was blushing. «I want to hear that again.»

That was new, for Changkyun to be this serious. But Hoseok wouldn't have said a thing about it. Besides, what happened was that Hoseok himself got caught off guard by those words.

His eyes dropped down, the corners of his lips curled up into a smile that was more bitter than amused. In such a situation, he started to think that it would have been better for him to not be dragged away by emotions.

That was bad. Because Changkyun was oblivious, and Hoseok had to deal with the knowledge that he was going to hurt him.

 

_I'd show you more laughs. I'd show you the whole world if I could._

 

 

 

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

_Later that night._

 

 

«Hey, Hoseok! It's your turn now,» Changkyun called him from the other room. He was sitting on the floor, cross legged with a joystick in his hands. The tv was on and an old 90s videogame scenario was showing on the screen.

They'd been playing that game together for days, and Changkyun had grown really fond of it.

Hoseok was in the bedroom, standing beside the window. He had closed the shades but left small, thin gaps between them, so that he could look at the street in front of the apartment without being noticed. Everything was dark outside, because it was late in the evening but the streetlights were enough for him to see.

«I'm coming,» he replied absently, but he knew at that point that there was no way he could focus on the videogame again.

He saw them. Two men dressed in dark but casual clothes standing next to a corner on the opposite sidewalk. A short, chubby one and a taller one with a beard. Minhyuk's description turned out to be accurate enough for Hoseok to recognize them. There was a car parked not too far from there, a car that was definitely too expensive to be owned by one of the residents.

They were talking, sometimes while looking at each other, other times while staring at Hoseok without knowing, because all they could see was a closed window. At that point, everything felt even more real. Those men were there, they knew Changkyun was with him, they knew where they lived. They were just waiting for the right time to come and it was only a matter of days, maybe even hours.

Hoseok stepped back and rushed to pick up his phone.

«I'm using the toilet,» he blurted out as he popped his head out of the door, not even waiting for Changkyun's response and immediately closed himself in the bathroom.

He locked the door and walked to the other side of the small room while holding the phone. He sat down on the cold floor, right under the window and started dialing a number.

He rested his head against the wall and breathed in, closing his eyes.

Yes, that was the right choice.

 

phone call _ㅡ_ 기현

 

“ _Kihyun-ie? It's Hoseok. Sorry for calling you this late.”_

“ _Hoseok? No, it's fine. Don't worry. Is everything okay? Your voice sounds strange...”_

“ _Yes, I might have caught a cold. By the way, Kihyun-ie. You and Hyunwoo-hyung are living together now, right?”_

“ _...yes – it's been more than two months now. Why?”_

“ _Because actually, I have a favor to ask you both.”_

“ _Hm? What is it? Also, are you sure it's just a cold? Is your phone not working properly?”_

“ _Just ignore my voice, okay? It's about Kkukungie.”_

“ _Changkyun-ie? What's with him?”_

“ _I need you and Hyunwoo-hyung to take care of him for a while in my place.”_

“ _...uh? Take care – what? I mean – why?”_

“ _It's just that something's up and I won't be at home for a couple of days.. or more? I don't know yet, but I can't leave him on his own.”_

“ _Something's up? What is up? You're too vague, Hoseok. I know you.”_

“ _My mom is sick and I have to assist her for a while.”_

“ _... oh my God. I'm sorry, Hoseok – is... is it bad?”_

“ _No, nothing too bad. But she's living on her own and she can't go to work, so I'm going to stay with her to be sure she doesn't get hurt or something. She doesn't know about Kkukungie, and I don't think I'd be able to take care of everything.”_

“ _I see... well, I guess it can't be helped, right?”_

“ _Is it a problem for you?”_

“ _No, no. Obviously it's not! We can take care of Changkyun-ie easily, we have a spare room anyway, but – Hoseok, you sure you don't need help?”_

“ _Don't worry about me. So, I was wondering if you can come and pick him up tomorrow morning?_

“ _Well-- yeah, I guess. I'll come with Hyunwoo.”_

“ _Great. Thanks, Kihyun-ie.”_

“ _Does Changkyun-ie know?”_

“ _Not yet.”_

“ _He won't like it.”_

“ _I know, but there's no other way. Also, Kkukungie must not go out on his own, not until I come back.”_

“ _...what? Are you saying that we can't let him out? Hoseok, I don't think we'll be able to--”_

“ _Do your best. I'm begging you. I'll tell him anyway, but you know how stubborn he can be.”_

“ _Sure I do. Okay then. And I guess you won't come to work either, right?”_

“ _I'm sorry.”_

“ _It's fine, do your thing. I'll just make you work extra shifts when everything is solved.”_

“ _That's my Kihyun-ie. Then, see you tomorrow. Thank you.”_

“ _That's what friends are for, right? See you tomorrow, Hoseok. Good night.”_

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

_The next morning._

 

It didn't go well. The moment Hoseok told Changkyun that he was going to stay with Kihyun and Hyunwoo for a while became the start of an argument. Changkyun would raise his voice and not listening, Hoseok was trying to keep it cool for the sake of both of them.

«Just tell me a good reason why I shouldn't be coming with you,» Changkyun said, walking around the bedroom as he was following random lines and circles. He was keeping his head down, arms crossed at his chest, and a deep frown engraved on his forehead.

«I told you. I won't be able to take care of you,» Hoseok replied, looking at him from the bed where he was sitting. He had been standing next to the window the whole time while introducing the topic to Changkyun: there was no one outside at that time, no car parked anywhere. That had helped him feeling a little bit more at ease.

«Well, you don't need to?! I can take care of myself, Hoseok! I may have lost my memory, but I know how to live! I understand I can't stay here on my own, but why are you assuming that I'm going to be a burden?», Changkyun was yelling, but his voice was not firm. It was shaking, just like his heart. «You're just making random excuses, aren't you?»

«That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth,» Hoseok sighed, his eyes pointing at the little luggage laying on the bed for a moment.

«Why don't you just admit that you're tired? Just tell me that you don't want me here anymore!», he was throwing a tantrum and Hoseok wouldn't have dealt with it. Not that day.

«Correction: this, is the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth,» he messed his own hair and got up from the bed. He walked towards Changkyun, but the younger started backing up, still not looking at him in the eyes. «Kkukungie,» he whispered.

«I don't want to listen,» Changkyun muttered. He was angry, probably hurt too. «If you don't want to tell me the truth, just don't speak to me at all.»

Hoseok wasn't stupid, he had been expecting things to turn out like this since the very moment he came out with that plan. He looked down at Changkyun with dead eyes, because it was better not to let any thought nor emotion to be shown. But as he was looking like an unbreakable marble statue on the outside, something inside of him cracked. It hurt.

«I've told you why you can't come, and you can't blame me for that,» he said. He would have preferred not to, tough. «It's none of your businness, Kkukungie. Just go with Kihyun and Hyunwoo-hyung and stop acting like a child.»

 

_Stop. You hate it too._

_Stop. He's hurt._

_Stop. You don't want to lose him._

 

The doorbell rang, both of them jumped a little at the sudden sound.

Changkyun pushed Hoseok's arm and shoved him away as he rushed to pick his luggage from the bed.

«Fine,» he whispered and finally raised his head. The eyes he showed Hoseok, those eyes were cold and full of resentment. «But it's you who's treating me like a child.» He added before wearing his jacket and moved to the other room with his lagguage.

Hoseok sighed and went for the main door, scratching his nape with his left hand while opening the door with his right. In front of him, Kihyun and Hyunwoo were smiling.

«Hey,» Hyunwoo said, his arm holding Kihyun by his shoulders.

«Is Changkyun-ie ready?», Kihyun asked, stepping in and looking around.

«I guess so,» Hoseok replied, moving to the side to let them in. He glanced over Changkyun who was standing in a corner, dark and gloomy.

Hyunwoo frowned as he had figured out the atmosphere and let go of Kihyun to approach Hoseok. They didn't talk but just looked into each other's eyes. Hyunwoo gave him a little nodge, Hoseok nodded and with that they were just fine.

In the meanwhile, Kihyun had walked towards Changkyun.

«Should we go?», for the first time since they met, he was being really careful with his words. That couldn't be helped, since the tension could be felt everywhere in the apartment. It hadn't been hard for him to figure that something went wrong between Hoseok and Changkyun and honestly, it was kind of expected.

Changkyun just gave him a nod and moved away from his spot to walk to the main door. He greeted Hyunwoo with a little bow and the older ruffled his hair. He was smiling and showing his fatherly-like aura as usual. He had to do it. For both Changkyun and Hoseok.

«Give me your luggage, I'll take it to the car,» he said.

Changkyun hummed and did as he got told. Hyunwoo smiled again and held Hoseok's shoulder for a few seconds before going for the stairs.

«Are you going to see your mom tonight?» Kihyun asked, looking slightly concerned.

«Yes, I'll start getting ready soon,» Hoseok said.

«Give her my best regards, then. It's been a while since the last time we've met.»

«I'll do it, thanks Kihyun-ie,» Hoseok hinted a smile.

Kihyun turned to Changkyun, but the boy was too busy staring at the tips of his shoes to notice.

«I'll go first, hm? Come down to the car when you're done,» he patted his back, but gave a strong smack to Hoseok's arm instead, to which the guy responded with a jolt and a pair of wide opened eyes. «Do well.» Kihyun murmured, smiling at him.

As soon as Kihyun left, silence fell.

Hoseok was holding a straight face, somehow relaxed, but Changkyun wasn't as good as him at covering his feelings. What else could have been said, after all? Parting their ways had never been a plan before. And more than that, knowing that Hoseok needed him to leave so that he could concentrate on someone or something else, made Changkyun feel like nothing more than a burden. A puppy, as Hoseok liked to call him, a stray dog that had nothing to do with him. Changkyun owned him his life, Hoseok probably enjoyed his company but nothing more than that. Nothing, could have ever been more than just that.

Changkyun turned to the door and started walking away, but stopped as soon as he felt Hoseok's hand catching his. One second later, Hoseok had placed his forehead against his nape.

«Trust me,» he murmured.

He could have said many more things. He probably should, but before he could come out with something deeper and maybe more useful, Changkyun was gone.

And it felt like being so close to the Sun. Almost touching it, feeling its warmth, but losing sight of it one second later, only to be thrown back to the dark and cold wormhole he had been used to live in for so long.

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

_That same night._

 

 

«Good. Gas and electricity are off,» Hoseok murmured to himself.

He was standing in the right middle of the room, hands on his hips, checking every corner. The apartment was dark, tidy, looking almost untouched.

They say you have to clean your house before leaving for a while, right?

 

It was 10:35 p.m.

 

Someone knocked on the door and the sound echoed through the walls.

Hoseok stretched his arms, cracked his neck and moaned as he did so.

Somone knocked again. Now the sound could not only be heard, but also perceived in the pit of his stomach.

«Okay, okay. I'm coming,» Hoseok said carelessly as he walked to the door.

He opened it slowly, and smiled as soon as he faced the only people he had been expecting to get there.

«You're late,» he looked at the three men standing in front of him, faking a disappointed expression. «He's not here.»

 

Next thing he saw, were his shoes as his body was being pulled and dragged on the floor.

His head hurt, he was quite sure he was bleeding from somwhere, but he had peace of mind.

Saving his own ass was something he had to think about, too.

 

_Trust me._

_Or what I'm doing will have absolutely no meaning._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... oh my gosh.  
>  I can't believe this chapter is finally here, and it didn't take me that long to be honest. Wow.  
> So, I know many of you were anticipating this since chapters 7/8, you guys gave me so much support both here and on twitter that I COULDN'T HELP but to work hard and deliver this new, challenging chapter as soon as possible. When I say that you guys motivate me, that's the truth. 
> 
> So, SOME OF YOU TRIED TO GUESS WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. This is it for now, hehe. Hoseok may not show his feelings but he got drastically dragged by them. To make sure Changkyun is safe, he's going to do anything. Changkyun is oblivious, and even Minhyuk who knows about the situation hasn't been informed of his plan. 
> 
> Hoseok and Changkyun have parted their ways like this, but what do you think it's going to happen now? I LOVE YOUR THEORIES SO COME ON, FIGHT ME! lol
> 
> As always, thank you so much. I'm so grateful for everyone who's reading this story. 
> 
> I'll see you on chapter 10 guys! 
> 
> Ily. <3


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls remember you can find me on twitter by the id @wontokkii !
> 
> ALSO!! WARNING: this chapter may contain sensible topics for some people. Please read it with this knowledge. Thank you.

  
  
  


_Kihyun and Hyunwoo's apartment, 9:57 a.m._

 

«So, what do you think?», Kihyun asked in an unusual quiet voice, looking all gloomy while stirring his coffee. Him and Hyunwoo were sitting at their dining table, still in their pajamas, having breakfast or at least trying to.

«About what?», Hyunwoo replied, still half asleep, his strong arms resting on the perfectly cleaned wooden surface and holding a cup of warm white rice in his hands. They had different tastes about morning meals: Kihyun was the type to choose a more western style of breakfast over a korean one, since coffee was the only thing capable of properly waking him up and a couple of crunchy toasts with his home made strawberry jam was enough for him to eat. On the other hand, Hyunwoo would have never given up on his special set of rice, kimchi and warm soup. He was a big boy and needed to be fed, after all.

Too bad that none of them was in the mood to enjoy his meal that morning.

«About Hoseok and Changkyun-ie, what else?», Kihyun looked at his boyfriend with a frown. «I know we've both been trying to avoid this topic since yesterday but you've seen how tense the atmosphere was when we went to pick Changkyun-ie up. I wonder if...»

«They didn't say their goodbyes with a light heart, that's for sure,» Hyunwoo said calmly and took a sip of his soup, then he sighed. «Hoseok looked hurt.»

«Well, it's hard for me to say this but I think he's surely not as hurt as Changkyun-ie right now,» they were both trying to speak with low voices. Kihyun glanced at the empty seat at his right, the one Changkyun was supposed to occupy.

«You can never be sure when it's about Hoseok, you know that. Whatever it is,» Hyunwoo rubbed his still sleepy eyes and hinted a smile. «But I think he's well aware of his own feelings, he's just trying to ignore them.»

At that point, Kihyun pulled out an annoyed expression and crossed his arms at his chest and his legs under the table, a clear sign that he was damn serious.

«But at what cost? He's way dumber than I thought if he thinks that hiding his feelings from Changkyun-ie and treating him coldly would be for the best,» he pouted.

Hyunwoo chuckled.

«Well, isn't that what you used to do with me, too? Before we got together,» he brought a hand to his mouth as if he was trying to hide his smile. «You used to treat me so bad and always tried to avoid me to the point I started thinking you really hated me.»

He was right, Kihyun knew that well and so reacted in the most natural way: he leaned over the table and smacked Hyunwoo's broad shoulders, not really getting any kind of reaction from it. For Hyunwoo, that felt like being hit by a bug, and Kihyun's flushed cheeks and ears were enough for him to feel defeated anyway.

«Do not even try to compare me with that stupid ass head!», he yelled. But as soon as Hyunwoo gestured him to keep quiet and nodded towards the spare bedroom at his back, Kihyun coughed and sat back on his chair. Changkyun was probably still sleeping or just hiding in there.

«Hoseok really cares about Changkyun-ie,» Hyunwoo murmured. Kihyun nodded. «Probably too much, but I think he's finally growing out of his shell. He surely has to learn how to control his feelings, he has to learn that Changkyun-ie needs to be protected but also to be trusted, but – I mean...» Hyunwoo started scratching his nape in confusion.

«It'd be for the best if Hoseok falls in love again,» Kihyun stepped in, knowing where Hyunwoo was trying to get. «As far as I know, it's been more than four years. Only Minhyuk used to know him at that time, so it's probably not right for me to say this, but I still want Hoseok to feel something deep, something real, again.»

Hyunwoo looked fondly at his boyfriend and a natural, proud smile grew up on his face as he tilted his head to the side.

«You're really a good friend to him, Kihyun-ie,» he said calmly. «I'm sure it's going to happen. Even if we shouldn't assume things on our own, it's still our duty to help those two making up their heads, and their hearts.» He reached for Kihyun's hand over the table and squeezed it softly.

No one else was able to reassure Kihyun like Hyunwoo did. They were at the opposites, with Kihyun who could barely control his anger and Hyunwoo who had way too much of patience.

But they were both smart, mature, and understood each other perfectly. That's what had been keeping them together.

Kihyun held Hyunwoo's hand and played with his long, warm fingers for some seconds, then suddenly got up from his chair, pushing it backward and so causing a loud noise. Hyunwoo frowned and closed an eye in a reflex reaction.

«Then I'm starting from the dumb pup that's been avoiding us and our food since yesterday,» he announced and straight forward made his way to the spare bedroom. Hyunwoo followed him with his eyes and sighed deeply.

«Okay, but be nice to him,» he begged. «I'm going to the restaurant as soon as I'm done eating this.» He pointed at his breakfast.

«I'll be as nice as possible,» Kihyun smirked at him from the door and opened it right after, carefully making his way inside the dark bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

Changkyun had been hiding in the spare bedroom since the very minute he got there. He took his luggage, muttered a “thank you” to both Kihyun and Hyunwoo, walked in, closed the door and never got out. He had no lunch, no dinner, no breakfast, no matter how much his hyungs insisted.

He wouldn't speak, simply because he had nothing to say.

To be completely honest, the only thing he wanted to do was screaming at the top of his lungs, but the knowledge that that was Kihyun and Hyunwoo's house was refraining him to do so.

He was sitting on the floor, in a corner, hugging his knees and staring deadly at random points inside those four walls. His clothes were the same as the day before, his hair a complete mess, his eyes probably red and puffy for the lack of sleep. He wouldn't care less, because he had so much to bear with already.

His heart, it hurt. His stomach was twisted into a knot. His brain was out.

Like the half-moon that had been keeping him company during the whole night Changkyun couldn't feel complete, because what he considered to be the best part of him had pushed him away. And now he was left with a sense of abandonment devouring his guts.

When Kihyun stepped in, it took him a few seconds to notice Changkyun but as soon as his eyes laid on him, he couldn't help but thinking that he looked terrible. Not only for his trashy look, but for the look and the expression he had on his face.

That Changkyun, was not the Changkyun he used to know.

«Hey,» Kihyun murmured. He closed the door behind his shoulders and walked towards Changkyun with a slow pace, in the same, careful way you approach a stray animal found on the street. He hinted a smile and kneeled down in front of him. «You haven't eaten anything since yesterday, are you okay?»

That was a stupid question. It was clear that he was not okay at all.

Changkyun, still all curled up in his fetal position, lifted his head a bit and looked at the older with a pair of tired and dead eyes. Kihyun sighed as he couldn't stand such a sight. He used to not really approve Changkyun's presence around them at the restaurant when they first met, but as time had passed by he finally came to understand Hoseok's behaviour towards that young boy.

Changkyun was someone you couldn't help but want to take care of. He had this sort of aura going on around him, a way of making _people feel close to him_.

Moreover, Changkyun was important to Hoseok and that was enough for Kihyun to offer him his help.

«I know you're angry at him,» Kihyun spoke again and moved to a sitting position. He didn't know how long that would have taken so it was better to make himself comfortable. «But trust me when I say that Hoseok didn't mean to hurt you.»

Changkyun fastly turned his head to look at him. For a second, Kihyun felt the shivers through his spine. What kind of stare was that?

«You're wrong,» Changkyun said coldly. «He did it on purpose.» His voice sounded just as empty as his eyes looked.

Kihyun wanted to understand.

«What do you mean with that? Why would Hoseok hurt you on purpose?»

«Because he knows that's the best way to get rid of me without much effort,» Changkyun replied.

Those words slipped out of his mouth so fast that even Kihyun didn't know what to say. So Changkyun really saw himself as nothing more than a burden to Hoseok. That was too sad to think about. Also, Kihyun knew it wasn't the truth. How were they going to mantain a good relationship that way? They were both so stupid.

«Maybe that's true,» Kihyun muttered in response. He brought a hand to his head and started massaging his own, left temple with two fingers. His eyes were closed and he was trying his best to keep a cool attitude. «But it really shocks me how naive you are. Or you're probably just blind, I don't know.»

Changkyun thought he couldn't have been more annoyed than he already was, but Kihyun's words proved him wrong. He looked at the older with a serious and clearly pissed expression.

«What are you talking about?», he groaned, but then his brain got hit by a sudden wave of anger and so he started raising his voice. «This situation has nothing to do with me being 'blind' or that shit. Hoseok made it clear enough that he doesn't see me as a reliable company at all. He has to take care of his mother, I get that, I understand that, because I'm _not_ stupid! I also know that I can't stay in his own house, but the real reason why he didn't want me to go with him is that he still sees me as something to take care of and takes out his precious time. I'm nothing more than a stupid ass dog for him! Ignorant, irresponsible, untrustworthy – he told me that “it's none of my businness”.» His voice cracked. Changkyun was holding his head in his hands, his eyes squeezed because he didn't want to let those stupid tears fall. He wasn't going to cry. He was not a baby.

But oh damn, it hurt.

«Changkyun-ie...», Kihyun knew something like that was going on, but being front of Changkyun at that moment, seeing him in such a state, also knowing that everything the younger just said was totally not the truth, worried him a lot. He raised his right hand and patted Changkyun's hair gently. «I can't tell you what to think or not to think, but I've known Hoseok for a couple of years now, and I swear – look, I swear on my love for Hyunwoo that things are definitely not as you think. I've never seen Hoseok being so caring towards someone as he does with you for a long time. I've never seen him smiling this often but since the day he found you. You're right when you say that he probably tried to hurt you on purpose this time, because he knew you'd leave on your own that way. Being the one kicking you out... I think he could have never been able to do it. Changkyun-ie, I know you're feeling betrayed, bitter... and it's totally understandable in your situation.»

«My situation?» Changkyun sniffed and looked at the other in confusion. His eyes were teary but finally focused.

Kihyun's lips stretched into an apprehensive and loving smile. A smile that Changkyun had never seen before but inevitably found himself being drawn to. Just by looking at it, he felt at ease. Kihyun was good-looking, and a kind person after all. Changkyun suddenly felt guilty for being so bias against him at first.

«You actually love Hoseok, don't you?»

His ears started ringing.

His eyes were drying because he couldn't close them.

What was that? His head felt empty but his chest... oh, his chest was so painfully heavy.

He wanted to get angry.

That was the moment when he was going to get angry and punch Kihyun in the face, right?

Then why couldn't he move at all? Why couldn't he say nothing at all?

Deep inside he knew only a few seconds had passed by, but that moment felt like an eternity to him. Kihyun was still there, still smiling, his hand still on his head. It was warm, and soft. Just like Hoseok's, but smaller.

He probably should have said something. Anything, to deny it. He wasn't in love with Hoseok. “Love” itself was something Changkyun knew nothing about, so how could he even know if he was in love or not in the first place?

The only things he knew, were that Hoseok had saved his life. That he was a pervert, a loner, with the worst personality and a terrible sense of humor. That he was secretive, barely talking about himself but yet so careful around the others. Because Hoseok would have never admitted it, but he was kind. Not only because he took Changkyun with him without even knowing who he was, but for many little things that Changkyun could count in his head and remember.

Hoseok had cooked for him many times, he had lent him his clothes, his games, he had taught him so many things about life that feeling like a new born baby didn't seem to be that bad after all. Hoseok was a good listener. Changkyun could have talked for hours about anything and Hoseok would still give him his whole attention. Hoseok's presence was reassuring, and he was very good at reading people while he himself was so hard to read. He could easily tell all the times Changkyun needed to talk or to be left alone, he could tell when it was the right time to speak or when it was not. Hoseok liked to do skinship, but had never asked permission to do so. He would hold Changkyun's hand in total silence, or wrap his arms around him. Then he started doing it in bed, too. Every night, Hoseok would slowly scoop closer and hug him very tight. Changkyun didn't know if he was concious while doing it or not, but he was sure that Hoseok wasn’t aware of the fact that Changkyun would have waited, wide awake but still pretending to be sleeping, for it to happen. Hoseok's body was warm, softer than it looked and when he was sleeping his face seemed so relaxed. They both had come to the point where they wouldn't fall asleep without hugging each other and they wouldn't have said a word about it the next morning.

Hoseok was the first person Changkyun saw after opening his eyes and losing his memory. Nothing had remained from the past, and even if it would have come back, Hoseok had still become his one and only, irreplaceable present. A reality that was worth living.

Hoseok knew that and Changkyun too. Theirs was a silent deal, a promise that didn't need to be spoken.

But now that Changkyun was left alone with Kihyun and Hyunwoo, he had started to wonder if that promise was still supposed to be considered as valid.

While doubting it, his heart almost broke into tiny pieces. He clutched his shirt right at the middle of his chest.

«Kihyun-hyung,» he said with a weakness in his voice, as if he was lacking of oxygen. «Is love supposed to hurt you?»

In front of so much innocence, even Kihyun had lost all of his defenses. He sighed, and crawled closer to the younger so that he could put an arm around his shoulders. But he kept smiling, because there was actually nothing to be sad about.

«It does hurt, sometimes,» he answered softly. «But if you've ever felt incredibly happy, if you've felt complete just by looking at the other person without even knowing the real reason, if you ever felt like you want to share everything with that person, even when you have nothing... well, that's love, too.»

Changkyun breathed out, his head fell between his knees. Without him noticing, his ears had turned vibrant red, and Kihyun had to hold a chuckle.

«Don't worry. I'm sure Hoseok is thinking about you right now.»

They heard the main door closing. It was Hyunwoo who was going to work.

 

 

 

[…]

  

 

  

_Somewhere on the same day, 9:32 a.m._

 

There was a sound of dripping water. It had been hours and started to get annoying.

That place was cold and humid. He was going to get sick, for sure.

Also, everything was white. You would expect to wake up in a dark, small, cramped hole after being kidnapped from your own house but that was totally not the case. That room was huge, white as said, so clean and bright that the light could have burned your eyes to ashes.

«Shit,» Hoseok hissed as a sharp pain hit his head. He was kneeling on the ground, hands tied at his back with something that felt like a band, and he could barely move his bust. As he looked down, he noticed that his clothes were already quite dirty, stained in blood.

Hitting him while he was unconcious? How lame.

He felt a warm liquid sliding down his right cheek, and the sensation was disgusting. Starting from his temple, down to the cheekbone, reaching the middle of his chin. Little crimson red stains slowly started forming on the ground. Hoseok lowered his head and looked at those drops falling one by one as if they were following a rhythm. He realized he was dripping blood.

«Look who finally decided to wake up,» someone said, and the raspy voice echoed between the walls. Hoseok looked up and saw two men sitting on shining metal chairs, the one who had just spoken had his legs crossed. He was tall, with a bit of beard. Then there was the shorter and chubbier one, and Hoseok recognized them: those were two of the three men who went to his house searching for Changkyun. He looked at both of them and shrugged: there's no way he was going to show them that he was in pain.

«You know, you people came and got me straight from my own house so late in the day...», he frowned. «I needed some sleep.»

The chubbier man grinned in fake amusement and started tapping his stubby, little sausages fingers on the metal table's surface.

«Poor thing,» he said in a sing-song voice. He was looking at his collegue with complicity. «And to think we almost killed you tonight.»

Hoseok raised a brow, then hinted a smile. He was not being brave. Braveness had nothing to do with everything he had done to that moment. Changkyun, was his only priority. His well being, and to make sure those people would have never tried to search for him again.

Because his own life wasn't that meaningful, and Changkyun deserved a second chance.

«You should've put more effort into it,» Hoseok coughed, trying to mimick the man's tone.

The two shared a laugh, then the taller one spoke again.

«Oh no, Shin Hoseok. Killing you now would bring us nothing but troubles. You still have something to do for us.»

They both got up from their chairs, almost simultaniousely, and walked in front of him. They were looking down at their feet as if there was nothing but a stinky bag of garbage all crampled on the floor.

Hoseok lifted his chin to look at them in the eyes, but as soon as he tried the chubbier man pushed his head down with his right shoe. Everything had happened so fast and the man used so much strenght in that only gesture that Hoseok's face almost slammed against the pavement.

He gnashed his teeth as the pain in his head got worst.

«Where is number 0126?», the taller man asked.

Silence fell, cold and heavy, and those numbers sounded so wrong in Hoseok's head that he felt the need to pull out a disgusted expression. So that was it. Changkyun had always lived as nothing but a number. That was insane.

«I don't – know what you're talking about,» he fatigued to speak as the wounds on his head kept giving him fits. But no matter what, he would have never referred to Changkyun as a number. Never.

The taller man hit his stomach with a kick, so strong that Hoseok's body fell on the side, lying on the cold pavement. He coughed, a splash of blood came out of his mouth. It tasted bitter.

But yet, his face would express no pain whatsoever.

«It'd be better for you to not fuck with us,» the chubbier man crouched down, sitting on his knees. He was looking at Hoseok's face from up close. His breath was hideous, with the horrible stench of cigar and alcohol. «The boy named Changkyun. You two faggots have been living together until now. Where is he.»

Hoseok smirked weakly at such appellation and looked up to meet the man's squinting eyes.

«I have no idea where he is. He ran away right after this 'faggot' here took away his candid virginity,» he mocked him. He knew he was cutting it close, but teasing and keeping them busy was the best way to distract those two from their main goal.

He had no fear, after all.

«This bastard...», the chubbier man groaned. He grabbed Hoseok by his hair, pulled it hard, and Hoseok found himself with his face an inch away from the other's. «You like playing the role of the hero, huh?»

Hoseok said nothing, because his eyes were already focused on the taller man on the way back. He was walking at a slow pace towards a second table. Some unidentifiable objects were there and the man pulled out a metal bat. Hoseok could see him smiling as he came back, holding the bat with his right hand and tapping it on the left's palm.

«Let me be honest,» he said as he stopped, looking down with a smile. He outlined Hoseok's face shape with the tip of the bat, slowly. A sudden grin formed on the chubbier man's lips too. «I feel that it's a great pity, to deform such a pretty face.»

Hoseok kept staring at him, his chin lifted up by the bat.

«As I said, killing you is not an option as of now,» the taller man kept talking. The tip of his bat had started sliding down Hoseok's body. He looked definitely amused by the view. «But what we can do is not only fixing you up so bad no one can even recognize you, but making you feel so much pain that you're going to scream all the answers we need while weeping for mercy. What do you think?»

The chubbier man got up and stood beside the other. He started laughing.

«I think that you both need a girlfriend,» Hoseok answered almost immediately, with a fake frown and a grin. He spit some blood. «Or a doctor, to be more precise. You're clearly disturbed-- UGH.»

A strong, heavy hit on his hip, the metal bat had fractured his bone, to say the least. The pain was almost unbearable, and his back arched in a jolt.

«WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HUH?! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!»

The bat was being pulled into the air once again. Hoseok didn't look away.

The door opened, someone walked in and the metal bat had been left in the mid-air. Hoseok's eyes slowly moved in the direction of those slow steps, and rested on a man's figure.

A man dressed in white.

«Now now,» the new-comer said in a clear, deep voice. He was walking with his hands behind his back, his bust moderately bent forward and a outstretched smile on his face. He looked quite old, probably in his fifties, and he was wearing a long, white lab coat. A doctor? «Luckily I've arrived in time. Let's all relax now.»

Hoseok noticed how the two man immediately bowed. The taller man carefully placed the metal bat on the ground, while the chubbier one had started sweating.

«Mr. Kim,» they said, still bowing. Hoseok frowned: he had heard that name somewhere already. Minhyuk. Minhyuk told him that night.

The doctor gestured them to get up and nodded, his feet stopped just a few centimeters away from Hoseok's head. A stain of blood had been spreading beneath it, slowly filling the floor's grout.

«So,» he spoke again, that smile never leaving his face as he looked down at Hoseok with fake symphathy. «You're the young man who took precious number 0126 away from me.»

Hoseok had quite an hard time turning his head but he still managed to. His body wouldn't move for that moment, but his mind was still there, fully aware, focused. He looked back at Mr. Kim with a glare in his eyes.

«I know no number, so you can stop talking like that. We're not in a science movie,» his speech had started to slur, but he wasn't going to mind it.

Mr. Kim seemed amused by those words and pulled out a brief laugh. In the meanwhile, the two men had walked back in silence to their spots on the chairs, like a couple of obedient children.

«You're funny, Mr. Shin,» Mr. Kim said and then sighed. «Okay then. Let's do it as you like, since you're my guest after all.»

He lifted his lab coat to help himself kneel down and Hoseok could get a closer look. His black hair had been obviously dyed, his little eyes were surrounded by wrinkles and his mouth was large. Way larger than normal and looked creepy as he smiled.

«Changkyun,» he had suddenly started to talk with a low voice, as if he was a kid sharing a secret. «Tell me where he is.»

«I've told you already,» Hoseok hissed. «He ran away. He's gone.»

The doctor shook his head while rythmically clicking his tongue.

«Lying is not going to help you, Mr. Shin,» he tilted his head and looked at Hoseok with a frown. Something about that man was way creepier than his smile. He was clearly insane. «You know, Changkyun has been a precious member of this family for such a long time. We need him back to bring on our mission.» 

He was talking about 'family'. Hoseok knew that place, those people were something way different than that, and definitely worst.

«You're the one talking bullshit, Mr. Kim,» Hoseok marked that name with a tone similar to the man's. In all honesty, he was starting to feel dizzy. «Why is Changkyun this important to you? It's clear enough that you're not an average doctor... then, what are you up to? Human trafficking? Human experiments? Drug dealing?» 

«Oh dear!», Mr. Kim exclaimed with what seemed to be a true but still unhappy surprised look. He had a somehow childish way of acting that was terrific to look at. «I see you're pretty lucid at the moment. A good-looking and wise young man, for sure.»

He sat on the ground, bent his right leg to rest his arm on it and let out a dramatic sigh, stretching his neck.

«Since your mind seems to be working so well to elaborate such specific questions, how about we try to make it collapse, brick by brick?», Mr. Kim continued.

Hoseok said nothing but stared at the old man in confusion. His head was painfully pounding and the band around his wrists felt tighter than before and it had started to cut his skin. What Mr. Kim had just said was right: even with a body quite strong, his strenght of mind was his best weapon, and he had to rely on it. No matter what.

«I've been doing some researches about you, Shin Hoseok,» Mr. Kim bent a bit lower. Hoseok detected the smell of blood and latex coming from him. «I know your past, your present... and I know about something you've been trying to forget for such a long time.»

What was that?

Where was it coming from?

It couldn't be about that. How could he know?

«Or should I say, someone?»

Time seemed to stop at that very moment, but his head was spinning.

Spinning and spinning, he felt like throwing up.

«Park Hee Young was her name, wasn't it?»

 

  

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

  _Hongdae, Fall 2010._

 

_«Hoseok!»_

_Hee Young was running down the driveway. Her short, raven hair was styled into a pixie cut, bouncing softly in the air at each step. Her voice was cheerful, her smile wide and her eyes so big. She had a cute mole under her right eye. Despite her cute appearance and petite figure, she liked to wear 'boyish' clothes. Sometimes she would have asked Hoseok to lend her some of his, because her parents wouldn't allow her to buy them with their money. Hee Young was almost eighteen and confused. She couldn't understand why humans had to be so obsessed over gender roles and less focused on living peacefully on the same planet._

“ _Aren't we all the same?”, she'd say._

_She was special. Hoseok had always known it._

_He was waiting for her on the sidewalk in front of her house, as usual. Hee Young took a last, long step and jumped into his arms. Hoseok had just got in his twenties at that time, and life had finally started to look worth living._

 

 

_[…]_

 

 

 

_«Hey, Hoseok,» she'd often call him out of nowhere, as if she enjoyed breaking those rare and peaceful moments of silence between them. She liked to play with Hoseok's fingers, because her hands were so small compared to his._

_«What now?» Hoseok used to joke around with her a lot. He used to smile a lot, too, because her expressions filled with disappointment were priceless._

_«I was going to say something nice about you but I guess I'll keep it for myself,» Hoseok's sweaters were definitely too big on her and she looked like a cotton ball everytime she crossed her arms at her chest._

_A lot of guys at her high school used to make fun of Hee Young for her flat chest, but Hoseok knew there was no need for him to defender her, since she was mature enough to take no heed of them. Also, Hee Young was proud of her flat chest. She actually liked it a lot, because it was comfortable and most of all, because it fitted the image of “the Hee Young” she wanted to be._

_«Thank you,» she muttered one day. She was still pouting and not looking at Hoseok after one of his jokes, but her flushed cheeks were giving too much away._

_«What are you thanking me for?», Hoseok gave her a nudge._

_A second later, Hee Young appeared more beautiful than ever. As if all her warts and all had mixed together, casting on a canvas, in a breathtaking, enigmatic picture._

_«Thank you for accepting me the way I am.»_

  

 

_[…]_

 

 

_Hoseok and Hee Young had known each other since they were little. Their families were quite close, so Hee Young would visit Hoseok often and vice versa. At first, Hoseok was worried because he had no girls toys to make her play with, but he had soon discovered that Hee Young enjoyed boy's stuff more. They had so much fun together, playing hide and seek, wrestling, cops and robbers, robot machines, laser guns and so on._

_«I wish I could visit you everyday, Hoseokkie,» Hee Young chirped one day. She still had long hair, tied in a cute pastel pink bow. «Mom and dad never let me choose the toys I want. I have tons of dolls, dollhouses, plushies, girl accessories to play with... but I don't like them at all! Mom and dad says that I have to play with them because I'm a girl.»_

_«I think you can play with any toy you like, Hee Young-ie. You can come here everyday and I'll lend you mine, okay?», Hoseok just wanted to see her smile. It had always been like that since that day._

_«Thank you, Hoseokkie,» there it was. Her smile. «I feel so good being with you!»_

 

 

 

_[…]_

 

 

  _Hongdae, Winter 2010._

 

_One day, Hee Young didn't show up at their usual meeting point. Snow was falling heavily._

_«Hee Young is sick,» her mom came out of the house instead. She looked tired, woth sunken eyes and cheeks flushed red. Her hands were shaking while holding on a tissue._

_The door was open at her shoulders, but the house was dark and quiet inside._

_Hoseok knew that things were way worse than he could have ever imagined. Let's say he had a sixth sense._

_But how he wished he was wrong, for once._

_«It's cancer.»_

 

 

 

_[…]_

 

 

  

_Hee Young was soon hospitalized, and she started losing her hair. In Hoseok's eyes, she was still beautiful. Or better, she was even more beautiful because she was being strong like no one else. While people around her couldn't stop crying in commotion everytime they visited, she'd always smile._

_Hoseok loved her deeply. As a younger sister, as his best friend, as his first and only crush. He would've waited though. He would have told her once things had solved._

_Hoseok visited her every day, and Hee Young was so happy. Her smile was still the same. Once the chemotherapy took all her hair away, she started to wear a cap that was once Hoseok's._

_«Look. I'm like one of those american baseball player!» That was her way to cope. She'd look at the mirror and make fun of herself. And Hoseok would play along, no matter how difficult or painful it was._

_He vowed to stay by her side always and protect her 'till the very end, even when doctors said there was nothing else they could do for her._

 

_Early Spring, 2011._

 

“ _It's now stage IV. We did everything we could. We're sorry.”_

“ _How long?”_

“ _Two weeks.”_

_Something in Hoseok died that day. He had lost it completely, forever, impossible to get back. Hee Young's family and Hoseok's mom decided that it was better not to tell her, to let her live that short time she had left peacefully._

_Hoseok wasn't okay with it and he knew damn well that Hee Young was going to find out on her own. She wasn't stupid and just like Hoseok, she had a very strong sixth sense. He liked to tease her by telling her that she took it from him and because of that she had to be thankful._

_One day, Hee Young begged him to take her outside on her wheelchair despite doctors' prohibition to do so. But she knew everything already and there was no reason for her to listen to them. At least at the very last days of her life, she wanted to do things in her own way._

_Hoseok broght her to the huge garden in front of the hospital. There she stood, quiet, pale, thin, exhausted, but still smiling and still beautiful. She admired the sky, the flowers, she took a breath so deep that she looked like she was about to fly._

_«Hoseok,» she was talking with a whisper of a voice. «I know you've been doing so much for me already. You've kept me company everyday, and I'm sorry you had to see me like this--»_

_«Don't,» Hoseok looked at her with tired yet focused eyes. The lack of sleep was engraved in every line of his face._

_Hee Young smiled again, like you'd do with a pouty, rebellious but yet so cute child._

_«These are going to be my last two wishes, and they're both requests for you, Hoseok.»_

_For the first time since that Winter day, her eyes got teary. But Hoseok was sure those were not tears of sadness, nor fear._

_«Please promise me that you won't be haunted by my memory. That you'll find someone who's worth being protected and loved, and who will also love you in the same way. If you have to remember me, I want it to be a happy memory that you can look back to with a light heart.»_

_At that time Hoseok thought that it was impossible. Finding someone he'd want to protect more than he'd always done with Hee Young... it just didn't sound right at that time. He didn't want to._

_«Lastly, and this may sound a little selfish but --», her voice cracked. A single tear rolled over her cheek, over that little mole under her eye. «Please, promise me you're going to be there when I'll leave.»_

_A knife thrust to the gut, and he felt like his soul could leave his body anytime. Hee Young's words had brought to reality, but he wasn't going to let it railroad him. He was going to cry later._

_«Trust me,» he said. They holded hands. «Trust me, I will.»_

 

 

 

_[…]_

 

 

 

_02:13 a.m._

 

_A time he was going to remember forever._

_He had left. Only for an hour. Only because his mom wasn't feeling well and had started having one of her panic attacks. He had accompanied outside, only to take a walk around the hospital._

_He did nothing wrong. He'd been there and stood by her side since the very first time the doctors told them that the time was coming, that they should've given her their farewells._

_Only an hour._

_His phone started ringing in his pocket. It almost felt like it was panicking too, together with his mom who was still grafted to his arm, shaking like a leaf._

_«Hoseok-ah...», Hee Young's dad was talking between the sobs. «Please-- come back as soon as you can. Hee Young... Hee Young is...»_

 

_Everything vanished._

_Sounds, people, objects._

_Everything around him was swallowed up in a dark, deep, cold vortex somewhere in his head._

_And then, Shin Hoseok vanished too._

 

 

_━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━_

 

“ _Trust me._

_I won't let it happen again.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... it's finally here. This has been the HARDEST chapter so far. I don't even know what to say, I'm having a mix of emotions right now. This chapter is important, essential I must say. Changkyun seems to have finally cleared his mind a bit, thanks to Kihyun. Hoseok is in trouble but more than that, the torture Mr.Kim has chosen for him is the worse. A lot of you asked me about Hoseok's past, an here it is. A very important part of it. What had made Shin Hoseok, Hoseok. 
> 
> But talking about something HAPPY, SHOWKI ARE COUPLE GOALS.  
> By the way, don't worry about the other side characters! They'll be back too! 
> 
> Oh, and as always. Thank you so much for your support everyone. Here, on twitter especially -- many of you are really enjoying this story and you can't imagine how happy I am just by knowing it. Your love for the plot, for the characters... I would have never imagined it. Thank you, really. 
> 
> I'll be waiting for your comments and please, don't hate me too much! I swear you'll be happy! 
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls remember you can find me on twitter by the id @wontokkii !

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Please promise me that you won't be haunted by my memory. That you'll find someone who's worth being protected and loved, and who will also love you in the same way.”_

 

 It was like being stuck in the middle of the process that goes from sleeping to waking up from a nightmare. Hoseok felt like that. Mr. Kim's voice became nothing more than an echo in his head, while images from the past kept flowing in front of his eyes.

Was that some kind of punishment? He wasn't the type to believe in fate, nor in the existence of a stronger power above, but karma could still have been considered a possibility. He wasn't aware of his surroundings, as if he wasn't phisycally there anymore. He was damn sure that driving him crazy was Mr. Kim's first and only intention, and so he tried to latch on that thought so that he wouldn't let his mind fall in total insanity.

He needed to stay lucid.

Even though those memories felt so real, even though the Hoseok from the present felt like being thrown back to the past, projected not only with his mind but with his whole body in places he could still remember so clearly... he had to keep everything under control. Just like he had done everyday for more than four years.

Hee Young was there, looking healthy and well, but still bringing the stench of death on her body. Hee Young's face, he wanted to touch it. One last time. He wanted to tell her he was sorry.

Sorry because he couldn't keep his promise, because he wasn't by her side when she closed her eyes and left.

Sorry because even though he would have always been haunted by her memory, he had now found someone he loved more.

Even though she would have surely said that it was the right thing for him to go on, it still felt wrong. In some way.

But Changkyun.

Changkyun.

“ _Someone who's worth being protected and loved”_ , she said. He had found it.

Literally, he was the one who found Changkyun. He, was the one who saved him. He, was the one who was going to take care of him. Until Changkyun himself wouldn't have decided to leave, there was no way Hoseok would have abandoned him. What was happening at that very moment had to be considered nothing more than a setback, something that had to be solved as fast as possible. No matter how many bruises he was going to collect from that, no matter if he got killed.

Changkyun was with Kihyun and Hyunwoo, probably mad at him. But at least he was safe, and that was all that mattered.

«It'll do you no good to resist,» Mr. Kim's voice came back, dissolving from the start to the end.

Hee Young's image started to get blurry, fading and then her colors mixing with the background. Hoseok could still define her smile with his eyes, until the very last moment when a strong jolt brought him back to reality, a loud whistle piercing his ears, and she was gone. Once again, and for good.

«Mr. Shin, you have lost someone so important for you already,» the doctor grabbed his right shoulder and squeezed it, the strenght he was using contrasting with the fake fatherly-like smile on his face. «Don't waste your time over an orphan you know nothing about.»

Hoseok glared at him with the same intensity he had the moment he woke up in that place. His deep black eyes were bright, focused and didn't transmit a single weakness.

“Wasting his time”, he said.

«I'm sorry,» Hoseok finally spoke. His voice sounding deeper than usual and his troath hurting so bad, as if he had just swallowed some kind of poison. «But I don't give a single fuck about what you're saying.»

A matter of seconds. Literally three seconds, more or less, before his face became the target of one of the men's right shoe. Hoseok spit blood on the white floor, once again. His left cheekbone was probably broken at that point but he had to endure the pain.

Stay lucid, Hoseok.

«Language, Mr. Shin,» Mr. Kim was looking at him disapprovingly, but every single expression he made was nothing more than a caricature. He then raised his right hand and gestured the man in black to stand back. Hoseok saw him and his chubbier partner going back to their muttering.

Mr. Kim clicked his tongue, leaning closer to stare at the bleeding wound on Hoseok's face.

«Such a beautiful face, what a waste,» he murmured as he pursed his lips. «Tell me, Mr. Shin. Why do you care so much for number-- oh right, for our Changkyun, hm?»

He marked that name with the same stength he started rubbing his thumb on Hoseok's wound.

Hoseok flinched, half closing his eyes, while Mr. Kim frowned as if he was confused. The wound was now burning a lot.

«You could easily give him back to me, and go back to your life,» he murmured and Hoseok let out a spontaneous giggle. That conversation, in fact, had strangerly started to get funnier than he had thought.

“Giving Changkyun back to him”.

Mr. Kim was still frowining when Hoseok looked up at him and smiled.

«Once again, I'm sorry,» he said under his breath. His tongue reaching for a tear of blood running from his cheek to his mouth. «But that's never going to happen.»

Mr. Kim's expression hardened and looked like he was made of stone. His eyes were wide open and pointed in Hoseok's as if they were ready his every single blinking.

«You're going to lose him, Mr. Shin,» he hissed. «Just like you did with that girl.»

Hoseok knew his game at that point. He knew he was trying to play with his mind.

But insanity, sorrow. Those were all things he had already experienced on his own skin. He was not going to fall into something like that ever again.

Hoseok kept smiling, even if his head was slowly turning.

«If I'm going to lose him, then it'll be his own decision.»

Mr. Kim groaned loudly, the two men in the back stood up again and fastly approached his sides. Hoseok was playing with fire and he knew that damn well. If that person was as insane as he thought, then his mind was probably weaker than he wanted to show.

The doctor's hands were shaking as they moved to grab Hoseok by the collar of his shirt. The smell of latex suddenly became stronger and the creepy smile on Mr. Kim's face grew wider.

«You're going to die, Mr. Shin,» he said, and he sounded quite pleased while doing it, sing-songing those words like a child. Hoseok didn't reply.

«This is your last chance,» Mr. Kim warned him. The chubbier man behind his back pulled out a gun and pointed it towards Hoseok. «Think wisely.» The doctor whispered and tightened the grip on his shirt.

Hoseok, with his eyes glued to that gun, shrugged.

«I'm afraid that that isn't really my thing, Mr. Kim,» he said and while talking, he tasted so much blood in his mouth for the first time. It was so disgusting that he almost felt like throwing up. 

That was when Mr. Kim had reached his breaking point. Someone with such a strong mind and with such a weak will to live... he had never experienced it before. 

«Why are you acting like this?» he asked, finally letting go of Hoseok's shirt to stand up and look down at him who was embarassingly covered in blood and bruises, yet so strong that he seemed unable to die. «That boy, he's nothing more than a number. He's worth nothing.»

Hoseok looked at him for a second, raised an eye brow at both of the men at the back before closing his eyes. He still had a soft smile, and his mind fully focused on the sound of the trigger getting pulled.

 

«Me neither,» he said.

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

  

 

«I can't help but thinking that this is weird, Hyungwon,» Minhyuk was walking at his friend's side, hands in the pocket of his black, tight jeans and nose up, facing the sky. His blonde hair was a little bit messy due to the soft wind that had been blowing since that morning.

Hyungwon looked at him only for a moment before rolling his eyes. That was the third time they were touching that topic since they left Minhyuk's store.

«Once again, Minhyuk,» Hyungwon sighed, running his fingers through his burgundy hair and pulling it backwards. His voice was low and sounded a bit sleepy, probably due to the fact that he had been working at the restaurant for almost the whole night. «There's nothing strange about being invited by Hyunwoo-hyung and Kihyun-hyung. They want to have lunch with us, where's the problem? Also, it's for free since Kihyun-hyung will be cooking. Another reason to go.»

Minhyuk pursed his lips, not convinced at all. He kept holding that expression until they had to cross another street, then he let out a loud sigh and shook his head. Hyungwon groaned softly since all he could do was counting how many steps were left before they finally arrived at Hyunwoo and Kihyun's house.

«But seriously, listen,» Minhyuk raised a hand and placed it on Hyungwon's shoulder. «For all this time I've been sure that Kihyun-hyung didn't like me. He has made it obvious for a while now, right? Then why has he suddenly decided to call me and invited me to have lunch at his house with his group of friends? This smells suspicious Hyungwon, I'm telling you.»

“ _Still five minutes left.”_ Hyungwon thought, keeping his eyes focused on the street while his body had already stiffened in nervousness under Minhyuk's touch.

«One, you can bet that Kihyun-hyung doesn't like you,» he said with a calm voice. «Two, you're exaggerating. Remember that he lives with Hyunwoo-hyung now, and for what I remember Hyunwoo-hyung likes you a lot.»

«It's still going to be awkward,» Minhyuk whined, shaking Hyungwon's shoulder with enough strength to almost make him trip.

At that point, Hyungwon slapped his hand away and fixed his long, perfectly ironed dark grey coat.

«It's not. Because unlike someone else, Kihyun-hyung may be a dickhead sometimes but he's mature enough to know how to come to compromises even with people he doesn't like.»

«Did you just call me immature?» Minhyuk smacked his friend's arm and looked at him in disbelief. Hyungwon could be a pretty straight shooter when he wanted to: he had never once minced a word but always stated that things had to be said the way they were. This way it could be easier to avoid misunderstandings.

«I did, because you are,» he yawned again and shiny, tiny pearls of tears formed at the corners of his eyes. He had already decided to ask for a cup of coffee as soon as they arrived. Damn Kihyun and his extra-shifts. «But you should be happy to go, since Jooheon is going to be there too.» He hinted a smirk this time.

Minhyuk flinched like a cat who seems to get scared out of nothing and almost stopped walking. Hyungwon, who couldn't resist the temptation of looking, saw both of his cheeks going on fire.

«I-I-I know that! Jooheon sent me a message and asked me if I was coming, too,» he was talking fast and slurring his words, just like the baby Hyungwon had just compared him to.

«See? Now you have another reason to shut up and stop whining,» Hyungwon giggled, rubbing his nape trying to give himself a little massage. His body really felt stiff. «Changkyun-ie is going to be there too, I'm quite happy about it. It's been a while since the last time we got to see each other.»

Minhyuk's expression changed as soon as Changkyun was named.

Thinking about it, he hadn't heard anything from Hoseok nor Changkyun since _that_ night. He, on his own, had assumed that Hoseok was probably too busy with coming up with a plan to deal with the situation and since he got asked to not to tell anyone about it, Minhyuk had just tried to go on with his daily life as always.

“ _If Hoseok needs help, he's going to tell me. For sure.”_ That had been his thought for the past few days. And maybe he was right. Since Changkyun was going to be at that lunch too.

He noticed Hyungwon staring at him in confusion and so he gulped, trying to get his usual smile back on his face.

«Obviously Changkyun-ie's going to be there! That puppy would follow Hoseok-hyung everywhere,» Minhyuk exclaimed as he crossed his arms at the back of his head. «And let me tell you – I'm pretty sure those two have something going on. Like, the way they look at each other. Have you noticed? Jeez, my gay radar short-circuits just by thinking about them!» He laughed, but that moment of such acted up joy didn't last long since he got no reaction in return.

In fact, Hyungwon was still staring at him, frowning.

«Don't you know?», he asked. The fact that someone as Lee Minhyuk wasn't actually aware of the situation honestly surprised him.

For some reason, Minhyuk's heart had already started skipping a couple of beats. He surely wasn't having a good feeling. On the contrary, a voice inside his head was telling

him that something unexpected had happened, and it wasn't good.

Hyungwon apparently knew something he wasn't aware of, and at the same time Minhyuk himself had to keep the secret about Changkyun's stalkers as Hoseok asked him to do.

Everything was about to turn into a whole mess.

«What should I know?», he turned back and looked at Hyungwon.

«About Changkyun-ie and Hoseok-hyung,» Hyungwon replied, crossing his arms at his chest. The weather Hongdae was pretty cold that day. «Kihyun-hyung didn't go much into details but for what I know, Hoseok-hyung's mom is sick so he had to go stay with her for some days and he asked Hyunwoo-hyung and Kihyun-hyung to take Changkyun-ie with them since he had no time to take care of him.»

«'Take care of him'?» Minhyuk repeated, looking almost pissed. He meant, obviously Hoseok had been taking care of Changkyun for that whole time, but using those words in such circumstances... it didn't sound good, and in his heart he was hoping that Changkyun didn't have to hear something like that in person.

Hyungwon nodded and gestured Minhyuk to move and keep walking. Kihyun wasn't the type to be patient while waiting for his guests. He still decided to walk at his friend's side, just to make sure to keep things confidential.

«So, to make it short, Hoseok-hyung won't be with us today. And Changkyun-ie has been living with Hyunwoo-hyung and Kihyun-hyung for a couple of days now.» he shrugged. «I don't know how things went between Changkyun-ie and Hoseok-hyung, but Kihyun-hyung told me that they came up with the idea of this lunch to cheer up Changkyun-ie in some way.»

«This means that something did happen with Hoseok-hyung, right? Or Changkyun-ie wouldn't need to be “cheered-up”...» Minhyuk sighed, staring at the tips of his shoes with a gloomy face. The last thing he wanted to know was about those two fighting and parting ways.

«That's what I thought,» Hyungwon said. «I can't blame Hoseok-hyung for taking this decision, though. He must be worried for his mom. We all know how close they are.»

Minhyuk really wanted to agree with him, he had to force himself to, but Hyungwon didn't know about the latest events and telling him was certainly not an option. He didn't think that leaving Changkyun with other people, as reliable as they could be, was a great idea. No, it was a terrible one. But he had to trust Hoseok.

Hoseok knew what he was doing, for sure.

«I guess the only thing we can do for now is doing our best to make Changkyun-ie happy again, right?» Minhyuk stretched his lips into a smile and looked at Hyungwon only to find out that his friend had been staring at him for some time already. He gulped.

«That's for sure, but,» Hyungwon raised an eyebrow. «Are you okay, Minhyuk? You're acting a little bit... just not like you, you know.»

He was not okay. Not at all. He was worried, anxious, and he couldn't help but having a bad feeling. It was too much to handle, the responsibility, the awarness that he was hiding something from his friends... maybe he should have called Hoseok later, just to check if everything was okay.

Minhyuk smiled again, wider this time, and hinted a laugh.

«“Not like me”? I'm perfectly fine, dude! Come on, let's hurry before Kihyun-hyung starts pondering the idea of ripping our throats out.»

That said, he fastly grabbed Hyungwon by the wrist and literally dragged him along the sidewalk, not listening to the other's complaints about his arm getting ripped off. They were now only a few steps away from Hyunwoo and Kihyun's house, and Minhyuk really hoped to find Changkyun in an at least decent mood.

 

 

  

 

 

[…]

 

  

 

 

 

«It was about time, you two!»

Kihyun welcomed them on the door in a full dark grey apron, hands on his hips and a disappointed look painted on his face.

Hyungwon shrugged, Minhyuk sighed, both of them panting and all because of the latter who, caught in nervousness, made them run up the stairs instead of stopping by the elevator.

Hyunwoo then appeared at Kihyun's side like the saviour he was and placed a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, squeezing it gently. He smiled at the two and made himself and Kihyun move away from the door to let them in.

 

«It's been a while, Minhyuk. How are you?», he asked, smiling at the blonde haired boy who seemed quite distracted.

«I – uhm, I'm good, hyung. It's so nice to see you again,» Minhyuk murmured while looking around, clearly searching for something. But before he could even focus on a specific corner of that dining room, someone approached him up close.

«He – hey, Minhyuk-ie,» Jooheon stuttered as he greeted him, showing his dimpled smile and hinting a bow. He had an adorable, light blush on his cheeks and looked almost younger in his comfortable clothes, with that over-sized white sweater.

Minhyuk blinked his eyes and looked up at him, but unexpectedly didn't even flinch. He frowned, then hinted a little bow himself too. «Hey, Jooheon-ie. It's been a while,» he replied, but his expressions were so plain that it didn't even seem like he meant it.

Jooheon, needless to say, got caught off guard by that reaction but still managed to smile and nodded, backing up to approach Hyunwoo to help him arranging the table for the lunch.

But he wasn't the only one who noticed Minhyuk's unusual behaviour. Kihyun, in fact, fastly grabbed Hyungwon by his arm to the nearest corner and started whispering into his ear, suspicious.

«Now you tell me what the hell is wrong with that bleached head,» he hissed, then nodded towards the table where his boyfriend and Jooheon were busy chatting and placing the various bowls and dishes. «Jooheon is right here and he just acted like it's no big deal. This is nothing like the Minhyuk we all know!»

Hyungwon, who at that point was pretty sure that his friends had agreed to tear his limbs off for the day, let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

«How am I supposed to know, hyung? He's been acting strange since we met at the store and on the way here,» Hyungwon murmured, pulling his arm away from that grip. «There's something bothering him, that's for sure.»

Kihyun groaned in annoyance and patted his apprentice's shoulder before nodding towards the kitchen.

«Come, help me with the meat,» he said, throwing a last glance at Minhyuk who was just walking around like a lost puppy, not speaking a word. Hyungwon rolled his eyes and did as he was told: even out of the restaurant, Kihyun was still his hyung and superior. There was nothing he could complain about.

 

Meanwhile, another person came out of one of the bedrooms and made his way through the dining room. It was Changkyun, in an all wrinkled black shirt and grey sweatpants, looking tired, almost sleep deprived. His dark ash blonde hair was messy, he had dark circles marked under his eyes, yet he still managed to smile at Minhyuk as soon as he reached him.

«Minhyuk-hyung, nice to see you,» he said in his usual deep voice.

Minhyuk turned so fast that Changkyun almost got scared. His face lighted up in what it seemed to be a relieved expression and he placed his hands on Changkyun's shoulders, squeezing them tight.

«Changkyun-ie!» he exclaimed, a wide smile forming on his lips as he leaned lower, closer to the younger's face. It felt utterly strange, because they were looking into each other's eyes and somehow could feel that something was bothering both of them. They were both smiling but at the same time Minhyuk was struggling under the weight of the responsibility pounding on his back, and Changkyun just wasn't capable of dealing with his conflicted feelings.

«How are you? Are you eating well? Isn't it awful to live with that pocket-sized demon? I know Hyunwoo-hyung is here, but still--»

«Kindly reminder that this is MY house and I can kick your flat ass out any second!», Kihyun could be heard shouting from the kitchen, causing Hyungwon at his side to choke on his well deserved cup of coffee as he started laughing.

Hyunwoo and Jooheon seemed to be having fun too, which somehow helped Minhyuk in releasing a little bit of anxiety. Jooheon looked at him and showed an amused smile, to which Minhyuk replied by doing the same.

«Don't worry, I'll protect you,» Jooheon mouthed to him, making Minhyuk jolt on the spot and show a pair of bright flushed cheeks.

Changkyun, who was still standing right in front of him, hinted a small grin: he remembered the time when Hoseok told him about Minhyuk's crush on Jooheon and vice versa. At that time, he didn't even know what “having a crush” could actually mean, so he just took it as it was, not really caring about it that much.

But the day after Hoseok left him with Kihyun and Hyunwoo, Kihyun talked to him and made him open up and realize his true feelings. Little he knew the nagging short chef he used to dislike so much was going to be the one to comfort him in such a situation.

Changkyun was in love with Hoseok, but for some reasons he felt guilty because of that.

He was in love with the guy who took him off the street. He was in love with the one who had been taking care of him for that whole time, offering him a place where to live, food to eat and clothes to feel warm in without asking anything in return.

That was why Changkyun felt guilty. Because being in love with someone you're so close with, someone you care about so much, doesn't it mean putting too much weight on their back?

 

If Hoseok knew, what would he say? How would he feel?

Probably burdened.

Annoyed.

Pissed.

Worried.

Stressed.

 

Changkyun didn't want that. Even though he was hurt by Hoseok's recent behaviour, even though he was so angry at him, he couldn't help but care for him. Because after all, once again, Hoseok was Changkyun's irreplaceable present, his one and only reality he wanted to jealousy protect. And he would do that. He would do that over and over again, even if it meant to hurt himself waiting for him, or to fight against thousands and thousands of people. Like the stray dog Hoseok kept telling him he was, Changkyun would have showed his fangs and claws in order to protect the only thing precious to him.

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

  

That was quite a pleasant lunch, after all. They laughed, whacked conversations back and forth, enjoyed a very well-cooked meal. Hyunwoo would insist on being the one to get up everytime one of the guys needed something that wasn't on the table because Kihyun had worked 'so hard already'. Jooheon and Hyungwon would make chores calling them names like “newlyweds” and such. Jooheon himself seemed to have collected enough confidence for that day, wrapping Minhyuk's shoulders in his strong arms thus making the blonde one blush and stare awkwardly in his plate. That was strange, since it was usually Minhyuk being the loudest and touchy one. Changkyun, on the other hand, didn't really speak that much. He showed some reactions at his hyungs' jokes, muttered some compliments at Kihyun for every dish he'd taste.

Yes, that was quite a pleasant lunch, after all.

But something was off.

Everyone around that table noticed it, but no one dared to speak. To be fairly honest, every single one of them except Changkyun had been warned by Kihyun to not bring the 'Hoseok' topic out during their time together, so that the youngest could be distracted.

And so they did, but it didn't seem to be working out. And when one of those numerous moments of awkward silence happened, one of them would try to do or say something out of the blue, just for the sake of saving the situation, and the atmosphere would go back to its chaotic origin.

Hyungwon was the one who tried to talk with Changkyun the most, sometimes just to drag him out of the loud chatting and asking him random questions like “Have you watched the latest Marvel's movie?”, “How's it going with that videogame you were playing?”, “Do you want to hear something funny about Kihyun-hyung? I have so much material we could go on for days”.

Changkyun was thankful. Because unlike what the others may have thought, he was pretty aware of what they were trying to do and it didn't feel right. It wasn't right at all. 

He didn't even know who to blame anymore. Hoseok, for leaving him like that and with such words? Himself, for being so hurt with no real reasons since he had in fact nothing to do with Hoseok's choices? Himself, because he was making his only friends worried.

That was it. It was not Hoseok's fault.

«Kihyun-hyung,» he called and it felt almost funny how all the others turned to him almost at the same time, just like robots. «I'm taking a shower, if that's okay.» He said while hinting a smile.

Kihyun nodded.

«That's fine. Just be quick so that we can eat the dessert together, okay?»

«What? There's dessert too? After all of this?!» Jooheon exclaimed in admiration.

«But hyung –,» Hyungwon started to whine. Kihyun pointed a knife at him.

«Don't you dare,» he threatened the younger. Hyunwoo immediately stretched his arm and took the knife off his hand in complete silence.

«...i'm full.» Hyungwon completed his sentence, and Kihyun groaned a frightening “He said it.” between his teeth.

Minhyuk was caught chuckling, but his eyes were still focused on Changkyun who, still smiling, was making his way to the bathroom.

  

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

A shower would do him good. Since he and Kihyun had that talk, he couldn't really have any sort of 'me-time' in that house. That was okay, he wasn't in the position to complain because everything Kihyun and Hyunwoo were trying to do was making sure that he was doing okay and keeping him company. But at the same time, he couldn't even remember the last time he went out on his own without Hyunwoo driving him everywhere.

It really felt like they were following Hoseok's orders.

Changkyun sighed, ruffling his own hair before opening the water inside the cabin to let it warm up. He was about to take off his sweatpants when he noticed that his cellphone was inside one of the pockets. He took him out and placed it near the sink.

And do you know those awkward yet quite scary moments when you find something you haven't used for a long time, and two minutes later you realise that you actually need exactly that thing?  
  
That's what just happened, because his phone started ringing.

 

 _'_ _엄마_ _(mom)'_ , it said on the screen.

«Mom?», he muttered.

Well, obviously there was no way his mom would call him, right? But other than that, there was no way he could have saved someone's number under that name.

«Oh, right,» he took the phone in his hands. «This is Hoseok's old phone –»

Wait. What was it?

How was it possible that Hoseok's mom was calling her son on his old number?

More than that, Hoseok said...

...he said...

«Hello?»

 _«Hoseok? Hoseok, dear?»_ , that was definitely a woman speaking. Her voice was soft, and gentle.

Changkyun's heart skipped a beat. Why was he starting to feel so bad?

«I-I-I'm sorry, ma'am... this is Changkyun. I'm using Hoseok's old cellphone and – his old number at the moment,» he frowned, holding the phone tighter. «Is everything okay, ma'am?»

 _«Oh, Changkyun-ah!»_ the woman exclaimed. She sounded kind of relieved. By the sound of her voice, Changkyun could tell she was smiling. _«Yes, yes. I'm fine, dear. I'm so sorry we have to have our first talk like this. You know-- Hoseok is always talking about you... but, Changkyun-ie, sweetie, since we're here– could you please put Hoseok on the phone? Is he with you?»_

There it was. His deepest fear, that knowledge he had always been aware of but tried so hard to ignore. A voice so obscure that kept telling him he was being made fun of.

That Hoseok. His Hoseok, lied to him.

He fastly reached for the bathroom door and leaned against it with his back, because his legs suddenly felt too weak. Once again, he held the phoen tighter, but this time both of his hands were sweaty and shaking.

«No, he-- he isn't. Ma'am, I'm sorry...»

How was he going to do it? How was he going to tell Hoseok's mother that he, just like her, had no idea of where her son could be?

«... he's out right now, and he forgot his phone at home. He's probably going to come back quite late, but – I'll make sure to make him call you back as soon as I see him, ma'am.»

He felt horrible. Telling a caring and kind mom such lies.

What kind of situation was that? Why was he the one finding excuses for Hoseok with his mother?

Something was definitely off about all of that, and Hoseok was the mind behind it.

Hoseok's mother kept quiet for a few seconds, until Changkyun heard her let out a soft yet exhausted sigh.

_«I see... at least I know that my reckless son is okay. I've been calling him for hours now but he wasn't picking up, so … I thought I should try with his old number since I remembered that he was still using it. I didn't know he lended it to you, Changkyun-ah, I'm sorry I disturbed you dear.»_

He wanted to sink.

«No, that's... You're not disturbing me at all, ma'am. I'm sorry you got worried. It – it's been a pleasure talking to you.»

She laughed. Even her laugh sounded kind, not too loud, almost like chuckle. Just like Hoseok's.

_«You really are a sweet boy, just like my son told me. Changkyun-ah, since I know I have your number now and you have mine, let's talk to each other often, okay? Please call me anytime if you need anything. I'll gladly treat you as my son as well, hm?»_

It was such a warm feeling, but it hurt so much.

Changkyun was sure that in other circumstances, another time... he would talk to her for hours and enjoying every single moment of it. For the first time, hearing a mom's words.

But that wasn't the case. It couldn't be. For how sweet, every single word coming out from that conversation felt like a punch in his stomach, and he needed to let go.

«Thank you so much, ma'am, I will. You too, please take care. I'll call you again soon.»

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

When Changkyun opened the door of the bathroom with a slam, the group around the dining table all jumped on their seats. Hyunwoo got up, frowning, immediately catching the youngest's blank yet cold expression.

«Changkyun-ie, what's wrong?» he walked towards him.

Hearing no response, but seeing Changkyun rushing to his bedroom without even giving them a look, Kihyun and Hyungwon stood up from their chairs and walked away from the table to reach Hyunwoo. The light inside the bedroom was off, but loud noises could be heard together with Changkyun's heavy breathe.

«Hey, what's going on? What are you doing?» Kihyun attempted to walk in, but got shoved away as soon as the younger came out while throwing a backpack on his shoulder.

In all of this, Jooheon and Minhyuk were still sitting at the table, the first one looking worried and confused, while the latter was paler than ever and petrified.

«Changkyun-ie!», Hyungwon shouted and fastly grabbed Changkyun by the wrists, pulling him closer to have a better look of his face. How he wished he didn't, though. Because Changkyun didn't look like Changkyun at all.

Kihyun, anyways, with his not-so-graceful manners, freed himself from Hyunwoo's grip and rushed to grasps Changkyun's shoulders with his hands, pushing Hyungwon to the side. Changkyun wouldn't look up at him, and that made Kihyun even more pissed, if possible.

«Where the fuck do you think you're going, huh? What's wrong with you?! I thought you were taking a goddamn shower?!»

«Kihyun...», Hyunwoo murmured, placing himself back at his boyfriend's side.

But soon enough, Changkyun pushed all of them away with an unexpected strength. He looked up with a pair of angry eyes and gritting teeth, but there was nothing scary about it. Just by looking at him, anyone could tell Changkyun was hurt.

«He lied, okay?!», he growled back.

Hyungwon looked at him in confusion.

«Who, Changkyun-ie? Who lied?» he asked.

Kihyun and Hyunwoo though, seemed to have it all figured out. Minhyuk, too, stood up from his chair as if he got caught by a sudden jolt. Jooheon, at his side, looked up at him with a worried expression, and held his hand.

«Hoseok,» Changkyun hissed. His voice started shaking. «His mom called me, his mom-- he's not with her, he never went to visit her! She has no fucking idea of where that jerk is!»

And with that, the whole was buried in a shroud of ice cold. No one dared to move, because it felt like if they did, that precious standstill they had just reached, with Changkyun on the verge of exploding and all the others trying to contain him, could break apart.

But after all, was there something else to break after you take notice that one of your dearest friends suddenly disappeared?

Apparently yes, because Minhyuk, now shaking a little, opened his mouth.

At that point, it was obvious that everything was connected. Changkyun's situation and those three men going after him, Hoseok taking knowledge and telling Minhyuk not to tell anyone about it, Hoseok suddenly leaving Changkyun with Kihyun and Hyunwoo...

… how naive of them. How could they fall for that?

How could he, with everything he knew, fall for it?

«Hoseok-hyung... we must find him,» he muttered from his spot, and all eyes were on him. Changkyun, was looking at him. «I don't know how to say it, but – he's probably in danger right now.»

«Minhyuk-ie?» Jooheon called him, finally getting up, but still not letting go of his hand.

«What are you talking about?» Kihyun asked him with a serious look, already making his way back to the table. «What do you know that we don't, Minhyuk?»

Minhyuk didn't want it to happen. Maybe it was too naive of him, but he really didn't. He had no idea.

«Hoseok-hyung probably... he probably went to find the three men who wanted to kidnap Changkyun--»

«What?!» Hyungwon turned to him. He dropped the towel he brought with him from the table without notice. «What do you mean “kidnap Changkyun”? What the fuck is going on?»

«Minhyuk, if you know anything, please tell us. Is Hoseok in trouble?», Hyunwoo, who was now clearly as worried and nervous as the others, still tried to make everyone reason. The first thing he did was reaching for Changkyun, who was not moving and didn't even flinch when he placed his hand on his shoulder.

«I—I don't know... he – he asked me not to tell any of you, guys. I told him about the man following Changkyun from my store, and then about him and other two men at the night club talking about kidnapping Changkyun and bring him back to a certain Mr. – Mr. Kim or something... I ran to his house and told him everything I heard, but he – he said he would handle it... he asked me not to tell anyone!» Minhyuk, for the first time in his life, was having a hard time talking. With trembling voice and hands, he was lucky to have Jooheon at his side who was fast enough to place himself in front of him when Kihyun stepped forward with the obvious intention of grabbing him by the collar.

«And you really thought that it was the best idea?! Aren't you Hoseok's oldest friend? You should know how fucked up his mind is! You should have known that he was going to do something about it! It's Changkyun's safety we're talking about, for fuck's sake! You hid such a serious thing from all of us, with that dumb face of yours?!» Kihyun was fuming, not even controlling his tongue anymore.

But soon enough, Jooheon took the lead and stepped in front of him.

«Minhyuk has no fault in this and you know that. You're just mad and worried right now, aren't you? Or you wouldn't dare to say such things to his face, hyung.»

«Jooheon,» Minhyuk grabbed Jooheon's shirt and pulled it, shaking his head. «Kihyun-hyung is right. It's my fault.»

«It's not!» Jooheon raised his voice.

«This is a huge mess,» Hyungwon muttered to himself, now leaning against the wall, his right hand covering his face. «Who the fuck is this Mr.Kim, then? What does he have to do with Changkyun? How do we find him?»

«Changkyun...» Hyunwoo called his name softly, his hand gently pressing against the fragile shoulder.

But Changkyun wasn't listening. He had stopped listening to all of them since Minhyuk pronounced that name.

Mr. Kim.

It echoed in his head over and over again until something cracked. It was like a huge, thick wall of glass that had surrounded his mind till that day had slowly started to fall apart, breaking from every angle.

 

“ _Changkyun.”_

 

“ _Come, Changkyun.”_

 

“ _N° 0126.”_

 

Everything was white. In that place, and in his mind also. It still wasn't that clear, but... he knew who that Mr. Kim was, he knew where that place was, and he knew how to get there.

The place where blood stains looked redder than ever, the place were the smell of latex was too strong. There was no good feelings related to that place, no good memories. All of a sudden he felt like throwing up, his head was turning and Hyunwoo's broad chest got so appealing to lean onto, but that wasn't the time. There was no time for being weak, not now that the one he promised himself he would protect no matter what was in trouble.

Because of him, once again.

And now, because of that past he had started to remember.

«I'm going to get him back,» Changkyun murmured and placed the backpack back on his shoulder, so fast that it was a miracle that Hyunwoo could pull off his hand.

«Excuse me?» Kihyun looked at him with a frown. «Where do you think you're going?»

«I know where Hoseok probably is,» Changkyun replied. «I know who Mr. Kim is.»

«Changkyun, those three men... they looked dangerous. You can't go out searching for Hoseok on your own,» Minhyuk said.

«Then come with me,» Changkyun replied and started making his way to the door. «Come with me, because I'm going right now.»

«You can't just go like this. If these people are as dangerous as Minhyuk says, we need a plan!», Hyungwon walked fast, his long legs reaching for the same spot in a matter of less than two seconds.

«Taking back what's mine and punching him in the face,» Changkyun answered, his hand already on the doorknob. «That's my plan.»

The last thing he heard after opening the door and started walking down the stairs was Kihyun shouting his name and swearing.

But he knew they'd come.

He was just longing to hear the door closing a second time.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. Guys, I know. It's been a month, actually more than a month? I lost the count, ugh.  
> First of all, I'M SO SORRY. For those of you who follow me on twt, I've tried my best to keep you updated about this chapter.  
> This has been the hardest, definitely. For many reasons. One, because while writing this I got back to my job, I was busy with packing and moving, and also stressed because of the Monsta X world tour ahhajkds ( also, I'm going to the London date and I got my VIP ticket so PLEASE if any of you guys it's coming to the same date as well LET'S MEET! I'd be so glad ;; ). Two, this is one of those chapters that are just right "in the middle". When many things happen but not too much can happen because you have to keep it real and create the right atmosphere for what's coming later. So yeah, I've struggled also because of that. I'm so sorry I kept you guys waiting, I know you're used to me being quite fast with updating haha 
> 
> I hope you can forgive me and that you enjoyed this chapter!  
> The next one is going to be even more exciting asejdwi 
> 
> thank you so much for those who waited, I LOVE YOU ALL!
> 
> 'till the next chapter, bbye! <3


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls remember you can find me on twitter by the id @wontokkii !

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Kim.

Mr. Kim.

Mr. Kim.

 

That name kept echoing in Changkyun's head from the moment he had left Kihyun and Hyunwoo's apartment to run in the streets with his backpack thrown on his right shoulder.

His mind woke up right when Minhyuk talked about those men in black and pronounced Mr. Kim's name. Everything, one second after the other, was coming back to its shape in Changkyun's memories.

He was an orphan, raised in a group home before someone picked him up from there. He couldn't remember how nor when exactly, but Mr. Kim had kept him in his white room for a long, long time. So that was why; that was why he was so ignorant about that many things to be considered 'normal' in life. He had never seen any of them, nor talked to anyone, not before he managed to run away and Hoseok found him.

Why did it have to be like this? For him to be alone, and for someone to pick him up?

Changkyun wanted things to be different. This time, he was going to be the one to reach for Hoseok's hand. He was going to be the one to save him.

He would throw a few glances at his back to check if he was being followed: in all honesty, it wouldn't have been bad to get some help from the others, but the last thing he wanted was for them to be in danger for something they should have never been involved in. But as soon as he noticed the figure of Hyunwoo, followed by Jooheon, Minhyuk, Kihyun and Hyungwon coming from behind a corner and running towards him, he would have lied to himself if he said he didn't feel relieved.

He stopped running and started walking instead, so that all of them could get to him in no time. While heavy breathing, he was standing in the middle of the street, holding tight onto his backpack and to the belief that together, the six of them, could do anything.

«Changkyun!», Kihyun shouted his name. His face was a little flushed already, but Changkyun couldn't tell if it was due to the fast run or the huge amount of anger boiling under the skin.

«Guys,» Changkyun mouthed, staring at them, guilt slowly growing inside his chest as they all surrounded him. «You all came.» He had treated them so badly, running away like that. Yet, they all came.

Hyunwoo smiled with that fatherly-like aura of his, and put a hand on Changkyun's shoulder.

«Obviously we did,» he said. «If Hoseok's in danger, it's our duty as friends to help him.»

«Then we'll think about kicking his ass later,» Hyungwon added, giving him a wink from behind Jooheon's shoulders.

«Changkyun-ie...» Minhyuk's voice was low, definitely different from usual, and Changkyun looked at him with a frown. «I'm – sorry for what happened. I swear I had no idea Hoseok-hyung would have acted like this, I could have never imagined... he asked to not to tell you guys, and it was so stupid of me to think that it was the right thing to do.» Minhyuk looked devastated, his eyes were shaking together with his whole body. That, until Jooheon silently slid his hand between their bodies, and tightly held onto Minhyuk's left one.

«You don't have to apologize, hyung,» Changkyun muttered. «If it wasn't for you, both me and Hoseok would be in danger right now and no one here would have known. Hoseok acted on his own, but at least we're together, and we're going to get him back. Safe.» With that said, he felt Hyunwoo's hand massaging his shoulder and shaking it softly, as if he was silently trying to praise him.

«Okay then, what to do now?» Kihyun was a nervous wreck and just couldn't stay still. It was odd of him to loose his composure like that. But it was Hoseok they were talking about.

«I think the best thing to do right now is to come up with a plan,» Hyunwoo took the lead as expected, and Changkyun couldn't help but feeling drawn to that image of his. The older boy was surely as worried and scared as them, but he still managed to keep it down and project such calm only for the sake of rest of the group. «If all of us go with Changkyun to find Hoseok now, it would be a reckless move. If something dangerous happens, if we all get in trouble, there's no way we're going to get help from each other.»

«So, what you're saying is it would be better to part our ways, hyung?» Jooheon asked. Hyunwoo nodded.

«I hate the idea to be honest, but in this way we're still going to have chance,» he scratched his nape and looked down at the cement that was boiling under their feet. Changkyun could notice his right temple was pulsing, showing that he was nervous and trying so hard to think about the best thing to do.

«Just let me go search for Hoseok, hyung. Please,» Minhyuk spoke again, but he clearly wasn't that lucid. «This is also my fault and he is my only childhood friend, I-- I need to...»

«No, Minhyuk-ie. I'm sorry, but you are going to the police station with Kihyun,» Hyunwoo seemed to have finally come to a point. He looked at Minhyuk with a frown. «You're way too involved into this. Emotionally, I mean.»

«Aren't we all...» Hyungwon muttered.

«Sure we are, but Minhyuk is clearly not in the right state of mind to face a dangerous situation and Kihyun-ie,» Hyunwoo turned to his boyfriend who was already staring at him with a disappointed expression. «It's the same for you too, and you know that. Also, Minhyuk-ie is going to need your firmness if things get bad.»

Minhyuk was trembling in anger, to the point that it was difficult even for Jooheon to calm him down. On the other side, a strong wave of trust was flooding between Hyunwoo and Kihyun, and the latter simply nodded as he took a deep breath.

«Hyung, I – Minhyuk...», Jooheon just couldn't find the right words to tell him he wanted to go with Minhyuk, but there was no need. Everyone had already figured it out and Hyunwoo had to play the role of the bad once again.

«I'm sorry, Jooheon, but you're the one we're going to need the most. Hoseok could be in any kind of state right now. You're a doctor, and we're going to need someone who'll be ready to assist him on the spot.»

Those words came out of the older's mouth slapping all of them right in their faces with realization. That was true: while they were all there discussing who was going with who, Hoseok's life could be at risk any second.

Changkyun wanted to punch a wall so hard.

Anger, fear, terror he would say, concern. He was a pillar of all those emotions and dangerous thoughts. Because at that very moment, if he only could... he would have not only aimed to save Hoseok, but to erase Mr. Kim's existence once and for all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Kihyun and Minhyuk, you two will be going to the nearest police station and wait for us to send you our position as soon as Changkyun figures out where that Mr. Kim is operating. If things get dangerous, if Hoseok's conditions are too bad to deal with the situation on our own, Hyungwon is going to be the one letting you know. It could be a text message, a ring, if any of that gets to you after we sent you the position, immediately show it to the police and come searching for us. Ask for an ambulance, too.”_

Hyunwoo's plan was simplistic but, with no doubt, effective. After all, there was no point in telling the police about the situation straight away, not without the knowledge of where Hoseok was.

Also, call them reckless, call them irresponsible kids, but the satisfaction of kicking that Mr. Kim's ass with their own hands... oh, they couldn't give up on that. After all he did to Changkyun, which they still knew only a little about, after taking their precious friend away... they just couldn't leave it to the police only.

It had been aproximately ten minutes since the two groups parted ways. Minhyuk and Kihyun had already texted them about reaching the police station, while Changkyun, Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Hyungwon were still running from one road to the other, the younger leading them all on the way, his mind transforming into a mess of pictures, voices, noises. Slowly, buildings and signages started to look familiar, pictures of a lost and injured Changkyun limping on those same streets flashed in front of his eyes.

«It's here,» Changkyun huffed as he stopped and looked up at the building at his right. It was a factory,or at least it looked like that. Huge, but cracky and clearly abandoned. At the main entrance, the writing “C&E P.H.” was almost faded. Some windows were broken, but everything inside, that little they could see from outside, was untouched.

Hyunwoo and Hyungwon arrived at his sides, Jooheon slowed his path behind them. He looked petrified, swelling chest as he took a couple of deep breathes.

«Guys, I-- I think I know this place,» Jooheon muttered, and the others immediately turned to him.

«Are you sure?» Hyunwoo asked.

«Yes,» Jooheon pointed at the main entrance. «Do you see that writing? It says, “C&E Pharmaceutical Company”.»

«Wait,» Hyungwon furrowed his brows, his already big eyes got even wider. «Isn't it...?»

«That's it,» Jooheon nodded, both Hyunwoo and Changkyun were staring at them in confusion. «It's the company that has been charged and then closed for performing illegal experiments on animals more than ten years ago.»

«How come it has not been demolished yet?» Hyunwoo asked.

«That's what I'd like to know, too,» Jooheon scratched his nape, and before he could even lay his eyes back on the street, both him and Hyunwoo were looking at Changkyun and Hyungwon running towards the building.

«What the heck?!» Jooheon shouted, feeling a strong pat on his shoulder that almost made him move a couple of steps further. «Jeez...» He shook his head. Hyunwoo was running after them already.

They ran round the building, walked on dead grass and chunks of plaster, reached a few steps of stairs and went down. Changkyun's eyes were focused on the white, small door hidden behind some bushes but before he could reach for it, Hyungwon pulled him back by the wrist.

«Hold on, don't rush,», he was talking with a low voice, right in Changkyun's ear. He was sure that, from that point on, every single move or little noise they made could be dangerous.

«First of all, why are we entering from here? You're literally doing things on your own without telling us, Changkyun-ie. I know that you want to take Hoseok-hyung back, we all do, but if you don't share your thoughts in advance, we can't help you no matter what comes out from behind that door.»

Hyungwon was right. Every word echoed in Changkyun's head like one of those audio tapes that are supposed to reconcile your sleep. He needed to get a grip on himself. He needed to ignore all those memories playing with his mind, for how hard it could be. Even if they were helping him in that research, that didn't mean he had to let them win on his ability to reason.

Come on, Changkyun.

Think. Elaborate. Breathe.

Hoseok is there.

You're going to get him back.

He's there.

He's safe.

He's yours and no one's going to take him away.

«Do you remember this place, Changkyun-ie?», Hyunwoo approached them, lowering his back so that he could be heard. «And more than that, are you feeling okay? We don't know how much you remembered until now, and if you feel insecure or scared, we can--»

«No,» Changkyun interrupted him abruptly, turning his head to the older in a jealous rage. «No, hyung. There's no need. Even if I was about to loose my mind, I wouldn't stop. Not here, not now.»

«I see,» Hyunwoo nodded calmly. Maybe that wasn't the right place nor the right time to think something like that, but seeing Changkyun being so brave, so strong, was making him proud beyond words.

«This is the door where I escaped, and the only one I can remember,» Changkyun explained, and new memories flooded into his mind as he did.

When it all started, when he was only a child with only a name and Mr. Kim took it away, replacing it with something so meaningless and inhuman: a number.

Changkyun became a number before he could even learn what an actual number was. And after that, as if it wasn't enough, his whole body had been used and treated like cannon fodder. As if he couldn't feel anything, as if all the screams and tears that had been ripped off of him didn't mean a single thing.

They would provide him food, water, proper hygiene, only to keep him alive for the time he was still needed. And almost everyday a man in white would knock at the cell he was confined in and take him out to lay him down on an ice cold metal board, tying his fragile body by both ankles and wrists, and...

… and....

«Mr. Kim has been... running experiments on me. On my body, since I was only a child,» Changkyun was talking in a cold way, as if the audio tape playing in his head was simply using his mouth as a repeater and nothing more than that.

But those expressions on his friends' faces, how he wished he couldn't see them.

Hyungwon looked so hurt, and his face went pale.

«Changkyun-ie...»

«BE CAREFUL!» Hyunwoo shouted.

There was a gunshot, the four of them crouched down and covered their heads but as soon as they looked up, a strong kick hit Hyungwon right in his face, making him fall backwards on the ground.

«Hyungwon!», Jooheon threw himself on his friend's body, and felt relieved as soon as he saw him holding his nose and shaking his head to tell him not to worry.

Two men were standing in front of them, dressed in black and armed. None of them spoke a word but simply pointed their guns at the group once again. The man on the right was staring at Changkyun.

«This was the first and last time,» Hyunwoo hissed, every feature on his face hardened. He took a step further, and in the blink of an eye he was standing behind the two men, holding them by their necks with both of his arms. His biceps were tense, and he put enough strength in that grip to make them fall on the ground, fainted. He would have never gone further than that. The line between self defence and going to jail was too thin.

Jooheon was shaking, helping Hyungwon to get up. Suddenly, the realization of what they were about to face once they passed through that door hit them like a truck. Changkyun, on the other hand, had already walked past the two bodies at their feet.

«Are you okay?» Hyunwoo asked, putting his hand on Hyungwon's shoulder.

Hyungwon, still holding onto his bleeding nose, was staring at the older in complete disbelief.

«What was that just now, hyung?» he muffled. Hyunwoo hinted a shy smile.

«Just some effective self defence move. I shall teach you when we get home.»

«... Yes. Yes, please.» Hyungwon fastly nodded. Jooheon murmured him to be careful and keep his chin up.

«Let's go,» Changkyun had started to feel uncomfortable. Those walls, that smell, that long and narrow corridor leading their way to the unknown... he had soon remembered how desperately he tried to escape from that place, and there he was again.

Hyunwoo noticed it and he immediately approached the younger.

«Jooheon, walk behind us and keep an eye on Hyungwon. You too will be in charge of sending Kihyun and Minhyuk our position from now on,» he said.

Jooheon and Hyungwon looked at each other for a moment and firmly nodded in agreement. They had to stay focused and push all their fears to the side. They were all in now.

The four of them were walking slowly down the corridor, avoiding the center as Hyunwoo suggested and being careful to not produce the tiniest sound. It was dark and they could barely see the floor under their feet.

They kept walking for at least three minutes, and in the meanwhile Hyungwon's nose had stopped bleeding. It was so swollen though, that he could barely feel it on his face anymore.

«Look,» Changkyun stretched his right arm in front of Hyunwoo and pointed at two lights coming down the corridor. Some chattering was starting to fill the place, it was barely audible but it was obvious that they weren't alone anymore.

«Keep your eyes open,» Hyunwoo whispered as he gestured Jooheon and Hyungwon to hide behind him.

Changkyun breathed in, trying his best to refrain from running all the way down and open every single door only to find Hoseok behind one of them. He wanted to get out of that place, and he wanted Hoseok back. The only thought that was keeping him lucid was to protect his friends. He wasn't on his own, he couldn't act like he wanted to.

 

«Now, now.»

«Look who's back.»

«Number 0126.»

They didn't see those men coming. Like shadows waiting in the dark, they came out of the walls right in front of Changkyun's eyes.

«Shit,» Hyungwon held tight onto Jooheon's left arm. Two men were also standing at their back, holding their guns.

«Be careful, don't panic,» Hyunwoo told them. Jooheon could still notice the older's hands shaking and he knew, he knew well he was scared too. That's why he glanced at Hyungwon, and no words were needed to know what was the right thing to do. Hyungwon's cellphone had been set on Kihyun's contact since they discovered that place and it took him nothing to press a button and start the call.

They had no time to send their position anymore. Kihyun had to pick up, and to listen to what was happening so that the police could find them throught the phone's signal.

“ _Please, please, shortie. Be smart.”_ Hyungwon was begging the friend in his mind, sweating and shivering at the hard and cold feeling of the gun pressed against his back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

 

 

«Mr.Kim, we found these guys walking in the corridor. The two members of the team who were supposed to stand guard at the door are unconcious at the moment.»

White.

Changkyun's body had been thrown on a white and cold floor, together with Hyunwoo, Hyungwon and Jooheon. The four of them were laying down, their hands blocked behind their backs and heads pressed against the hard surface by the hands of the same men who captured them back in that damn corridor.

Changkyun struggled to look up, he stretched his neck so hard that it felt so painful he was having an hard time to breathe. He gritted his teeth, eyes shaking at the sight of his friends being as trapped as him. They could look at each other. He could see the fear in all of them, the anger. There was no way he would have let those jerks hurt them.

«Number 0126 is here. We believe he came back to search for his friend,» Changkyun heard the man on top of him talking.

Number 0126... that was his name.

“His friend”, he said. That meant Hoseok was there.

«Ho-- Hos...», he couldn't talk. As soon as he tried to speak, his head was literally crashed against the floor. His cheek hurt and his mouth couldn't move.

«Here you are, finally!»

That voice.

Changkyun felt a chill down his spine. He could hear the sound of steps getting closer and he was sure he could have recognized it amongst thousands of others. Because that was the sound he had been so scared of for so long.

«My precious child, I knew you'd come back,» a pair of white shoes stopped in front of his eyes. The smell of blood and latex filled his nostrils.

Changkyun looked up as the man kneeled down, and in a matter of seconds, their eyes met.

«Tell me, number 0126... what made you think you could run away from me that easily?», the gauntleted hand of Mr. Kim reached for Changkyun's hair and grabbed it firmly. Hyunwoo, right in the back, was watching the scene and struggled and tried to be torn from the hands that were still keeping him down. In his case, two men were needed.

«Don't touch him!», Hyunwoo shouted and got kicked at the stomach.

«Hyung!», there was nothing to do. As soon as Jooheon dared to open his mouth, he got hit too.

Changkyun was petrified. He wasn't even shaking anymore but staring into Mr. Kim's eyes behind the glasses. The man on top of him moved away and Mr. Kim pulled his hair so hard that his whole torso was raised from the ground. He smiled weirdly as he glanced at the three guys who were still on the floor, attending the scene.

«You're such an egoist… coming all the way here with your friends and putting their lives at risk for your personal purposes. I thought I raised you better than this,» Mr. Kim said as he was truly disappointed. He smiled in the end, in a way that Changkyun had yet again started to remember. Every wrinkle formed on that man’s face, Changkyun could suddenly remember all of that.

«Gi—give me Hoseok…», Changkyun struggled to speak. «Give him back!»

«Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok!», Mr. Kim chanted in a high pitched voice, mocking him. He let go of Changkyun’s hair and threw him back on the floor. Changkyun groaned in pain as the left side of his body hit hard against the surface.

«You keep asking for him, but why?», he was gesturing with a deep frown, a huge question mark printed on his wrinkly face. The scariest thing about Mr. Kim was that, in fact, he was being his true self. That man was insane by nature, and he found pleasure in what he did like any other would. «You’re mine, number 0126. Don’t you get it?»

«He’s not yours, you crazy piece of shit—UGH!» Hyungwon got hit once again, and at his back this time. He coughed, spit on the floor, but was still able to breathe.

«I see that your friends are pretty brave...» Mr. Kim giggled. «But too much courage doesn't always lead to good things.»

«It's-- it's not them that you want. Just let them go,» Changkyun tried to get up and was soon grabbed by the shoulders by one of the men in black.

Mr. Kim pulled out a surprised expression. From Changkyun's perspective, it was like dealing with a child enclosed in a body that was way too big for him. Despite his outer appareance, Mr. Kim was nothing like a doctor. He had the knowledge, but not the capability to use it for what was right. He was a criminal.

«Let them go?», he raised a brow. «I thought you guys came to get your friend back? Your beloved Hoseok... is right there.»

Silence fell, cold and cruel.

One of those silence that precede chaos and drives you crazy by making your ears ring. Changkyun couldn't hear anything. At his sides Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Hyungwon were stretching and screaming but he couldn't hear their voices. He saw Hyungwon crying. He saw Jooheon slip out of the man's grip and running forward.

Changkyun followed Jooheon with his eyes and widened them at the sight of red stains contrasting with the candid floor. Suddenly, white wasn't the color that scared him anymore. Red was. That red that was flooding from Hoseok's crumpled shirt.

Hoseok was right in front of him now, kneeled down, hands tied, face swollen and livid. The corners of his mouth were stained in blood but the most alarming thing was the hole on his left shoulder. Changkyun kept watching as Jooheon hugged Hoseok into his arms, face as pale as the walls, sweating and shaking but still checking on him. Jooheon looked worried as he ripped Hoseok's shirt and took a close look of the gunshot he had on the shoulder.

Hoseok's eyes were slightly open. God knows how much he had to suffer yet he was still awake. Everything seemed to be moving slowly, even Jooheon's nervous hands were checking on Hoseok's body in slow motion in Changkyun's mind. He could hear his own heart beating fast, the sound echoing in his head.

Hoseok was hurt, but he was alive. And before Changkyun could even think about something to do, his body started crawling on the floor on its own. Or at least he tried to, since the man who was blocking him didn't seem to be of the same idea.

He wanted to talk to Hoseok, to touch him.

As Changkyun was trying to reach for him, Hoseok himself turned his head and saw him.

Changkyun was there and he was in danger, and Hoseok couldn't help but to think that everything he had tried to do until that very moment was now useless. He had promised himself that he would have protected the new most precious thing in his life, yet again he couldn't keep his promise.

Changkyun looked so strong, even with tears rolling down his cheeks. If Hoseok only had the strength, he would have told him. But they were looking into each other's eyes, and no words needed to be spoken.

 

“ _I'm sorry.”_

“ _Don't cry.”_

“ _I'm sorry.”_

“ _I love you.”_

 

“ _Why did you do this, idiot?”_ , Changkyun wanted to shout at his face. He wanted to know why, why Hoseok did all of that. Why did he have to lie to him, making him believe that he was only a burden? Why not telling him the truth, so that they could find a solution to all of that mess, together? And most of all, why putting his life at risk just like that, when nothing happening in that place had to do anything with him? Everything that was going on... their friends being in danger, Hoseok's life on the line, it was all because of Changkyun.

If only Changkyun didn't exist, Hoseok and all his hyungs, they would be happy and safe.

«Changkyun-ie!» Hyunwoo's strong voice brought him back to reality.

Changkyun blinked his eyes, Hoseok was still there.

He turned his head to the side and saw Mr. Kim approaching. The man stretched his arm and grabbed Changkyun by the shoulder, shoving him to the side so that he was lying down with the face up.

«What do you think you're doing?» he looked amused and put both hands on his waist. «You're grounded, my dear. You're not allowed to get close to your friend.»

«No one's going to get close to him anymore if we don't take him to an hospital!» Jooheon gathered all his courage to speak those words. He was still holding Hoseok, the palm of his right hand pressed against the bleeding wound.

«This is not my problem,» Mr. Kim said with a grin. He had just placed a foot on Changkyun's stomach when his attention seemed to be brought somewhere else. He was staring at Jooheon and most exactly at the identification card that was wearing around his neck. It was his badge from the hospital. «Oh... I see that you're a doctor, too.»

Jooheon didn't reply. He was staring at the man with fire in his eyes.

«Then we're collegues,» Mr. Kim said.

«No. No, we're not,» Jooheon growled. «You're no doctor. What you and other people did in this place until ten years ago is illegal. And what you've been doing to Changkyun for this whole time … is inhuman!»

Jooheon's voice echoed inside the walls, but Mr. Kim looked unbothered.

«Inhuman, you say. Human experimentation is nothing new, Lee – Jooheon? That's the name I read on your badge,» he pointed at it. «What I did with number 0126 was taking him out of a place where no one needed nor wanted him and gave him a major role in this world. Him, and all my precious children should be grateful.»

«Grateful for what?!» Jooheon's face was painted with anger and disgust. As a doctor himself, he couldn't bear with a single word of what Mr. Kim was saying. «You've been using the bodies of innocent orphan for your own purposes! Testing medicines, drugs on children... spending your whole life in jail wouldn't be enough to redeem yourself! You're no doctor, you're a criminal and a beast!»

Changkyun's head felt like it was about to explode. Everything Jooheon just said was true.

This is why he had never wanted Hoseok to leave him alone at home. This is why he was so scared of the medicines Hoseok had tried so hard to give him right after they met. And the memory loss? Was it due to the shock? Was it some kind of side-effect?

He remembered the pain, the strong white lights pointed at his face while he was laying on that cold board, needles and cables all over his body. He remembered all the cries. Not only his but the ones coming from others too.

Changkyun's life never had a meaning. Not until Hoseok found him.

«Hyunwoo-hyung!» Hyungwon's face lit up when, all of a sudden, Hyunwoo could be seen standing between the bodies of the two men that had been holding him down until that moment.

Hyunwoo had the coldest expression on his face, yet he was able to look in the direction of Changkyun, Hoseok and Jooheon with the warmest pair of eyes. The man that had been holding Hyungwon rushed to him, dukes up, but Hyunwoo was too focused to get caught off guard.

He got that man down with only a couple of moves, the body hit the ground with so much strength that Changkyun could feel the floor shaking under his back.

Mr. Kim stepped back, now that both Hyungwon and Hyunwoo were able to move it was going to be difficult for him to stop them all at once. Changkyun glanced at his friends: they looked fine. Lots of bruises, Hyungwon's nose was still swollen, but they were fine. For a second, Changkyun could feel relieved.

Mr. Kim's foot wasn't on his stomach anymore and Changkyun gathered all his mental strength to get up as fast as possible. He and Hyunwoo glanced at each other just one time before they sprinted forward, Hyunwoo locked his arm around the man's neck as Changkyun punched him in the gut.

«This is for Hoseok,» he whispered, eyes staring into the man's. How good it felt, to watch as the past and all the bad memories fell apart.

But he wouldn't let himself fall at that man's level. For how he wished to see him suffer as much as Hoseok did, Changkyun knew he was better than that. Mr. Kim was the one to hurt people, not him.

Hyunwoo was now holding Mr. Kim down on the floor, and Changkyun stood still, standing, his left foot positioned to move in Hoseok and Jooheon's direction. Hyungwon had reached for them already, and he was helping Jooheon in keeping Hoseok's head up.

«M-my son...» Mr. Kim couldn't breathe properly as Hyunwoo didn't have any intention of releasing his neck.

«I'm not your son,» Changkyun replied coldly.

«If I'm not your father, then who is?! I took you out of that place, I took you and all the others with me and gave you a home!» Mr. Kim coughed, his whole face wrinkled up and he looked like he was about to cry. Just like a baby, who couldn't get what he wanted.

«Every single day I spent here I wished I could die,» Changkyun said with a low voice, yet his body wasn't showing any sign of discomfort. «You didn't give us a home. You treated us like your personal guinea pigs and made us live a nightmare for years. And now you're going to pay for it, for everything you've done.»

Changkyun stepped away, his eyes pointed on Hoseok's face, and in that exact moment the room's door opened with a slam.

 

«Police! Nobody move!»

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

«Here, have some water,» a police officer approached him and handed him a plastic glass. Changkyun took it without saying nothing, nor even looking at him. He was standing   on the sidewalk, not moving, strong chattering and police sirens filling his ears.

Sitting on the ground, head down and hands grasping his blonde hair, there was Minhyuk. Minhyuk who, as soon as he arrived with Kihyun, fell knees on the ground when he saw Hoseok covered in blood. Since that moment, he hadn't stopped murmuring that it was his fault, and that he was sorry. Changkyun wanted to tell him that it wasn't, that if someone had to feel guilty, it was him. But Changkyun couldn't talk, because he was too focused in searching for Hoseok. When the police arrived, the place transformed into a chaotic battlefield. Mr. Kim got arrested, and so did his men.

The police checked every corner, from the corridor to every room, and what they found shocked those officers to the point that they stopped talking.

It was true that Changkyun wasn't the only one.

Other young people, boys and girls, were being accompanied outside, and their conditions weren't that different from Changkyun's when Hoseok found him. Changkyun looked at them but couldn't recognize their faces. But those eyes, oh, those eyes... he saw himself in them.

“ _Everything's going to be okay from now on. Be strong,”_ he told them in his mind.

«Changkyun-ie,» Kihyun placed a hand on his shoulder from behind. «Hoseok is there.» He said, pointing to a corner at their left, right beside an ambulance.

Changkyun turned to look at his friend. Kihyun's eyes were red, puffy, yet he was able to transmit so much strength, to look reliable like no one else. Changkyun nodded, hinted a smile and followed his directions, leaving Kihyun with a distressed Minhyuk. Because even though they were always bickering, those two could collaborate and support each other in the best of ways.

When Changkyun reached the ambulance, Hoseok was laying on the stretcher. Around him, there were Jooheon, Hyungwon and Hyunwoo, all of them with their injuries been treated. None of them was in bad conditions, and that was good.

Hyunwoo saw him, and immediately gestured the other two to step aside.

Changkyun hopped on the ambulance, one of the doctors tried to stop him but it was Jooheon who, showing his badge, told them it was okay, that Changkyun was... part of Hoseok's family.

How funny.

If Hoseok only could have heard it, they would have both laughed.

Family.

Changkyun sit on the little metal bench on the right side, facing the stretcher. His arms were resting lazily between his legs, his back slightly curved, a picture of fatigue. He was exhausted, mentally more than physically, but he wouldn't let himself to rest until he was sure Hoseok was going to be safe and well. Nothing else mattered. He just wanted him back.

«Changkyun-ie, we'll see you at the hospital,» Hyungwon looked out across the ambulance. He had a tape over his nose and his voice sounded nasal. His eyes shifted from Hoseok's figure to Changkyun's multiple times and rested on the latter in the end as a warm smile grew on his lips. «Everything's going to be okay.»

That said, Hyungwon had to move away and let the rest of the medical crew in. The doors of the ambulance slammed shut and the sirens went off, followed by a sudden jolt when the ambulance sprinted back in the main street. They were going pretty fast, because Hoseok had lost too much blood already.

His eyes were closed now, Changkyun couldn't tell for how long it had been like that. He was sure that Hoseok's eyes were open back in the laboratory, he saw him.

«Hey,» he murmured. He was staring at the older's face with arrogance, as if he was actually expecting him to wake up right on the spot. The medical crew couldn't care less about what Changkyun was doing: they were too busy make sure that Hoseok wouldn't die.

«Hoseok,» he breathed out.

Please.

«What are you doing?» it was just like cards had turned. From the very first day, when Hoseok found him injured in the streets and intimated him to get up, Changkyun was now doing the same.

«I'm talking to you,» he got choked up. His body, for how exhausted it was, started shaking and all the heat from being stuck in such a small place with other five people suddenly vanished.

He felt cold, so cold.

«Wake up, idiot,» his head fell forward, eyes closed, his forehead was now resting on the fabric that covered the stretcher. Without him noticing, the tips of his hair were touching the back of Hoseok's hand.

Changkyun breathed in, he breathed out. How painful it was, to breathe and live, when your whole fucking life was laying down in front of you, and looked like it was about to disappear in a cloud of smoke at any minute.

 

«You promised.»

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes IT'S BACK.  
> I have no excuses but you can guess I've been pretty busy. Moving, the concert (guys, it was great), the writer's block... my confidence dropped down like a rock in a lake. But I love this story and I love you guys for being so supportive so I HAD TO bring Stray Dog and I'm going to finish it. We're almost there, also. But I guess you can tell. 
> 
> Thank you so much for every comment, for every post and like on twitter, and sorry if this chapter is not that good. I'll try my best to do better.


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls remember you can find me on twitter by the id @wontokkii !

 

 

 

 

 

 

The doctors told them not to worry. 'The boy is going to be okay', they said. 'He was lucky, though'. Most of his injuries were bad but superficial, and the gunshot on his left shoulder... if it was a couple inches up and to the right, it could've killed him.

 

Hoseok could have died.

 

That was the only thing Changkyun could think about.

 

It had been almost two whole days since they got to that hospital, the one in which Jooheon was working as surgical apprentice. In a flash, Hyungwon, Hyunwoo and Jooheon got their injuries treated for good; Hyunwoo had his right wrist in plaster. 'A fracture', the doctors said, and Kihyun was mad. He was mad at the people who hurt his boyfriend, his friends. He was mad at Hyunwoo for not being careful enough, but Changkyun saw them sharing a kiss the second after Hyunwoo came out of the radiology room. Kihyun was mad at Changkyun too, because the younger refused to eat. But Changkyun couldn't help it, his stomach was tied in a knot and he was pretty sure that any kind of food he'd eat, he'd end up throwing it up.

 

«You can't go on like this, Changkyun-ie,» Kihyun told him. He was holding a tray with a soup and a bottle of water on it. «I mean, I know the food here isn't even remotely comparable to the one I prepare but...» He was trying to be sarcastic. Actually, he was just trying to eradicate any kind of reaction from Changkyun.

«I'm not hungry,» Changkyun said. He was sitting on a little chair, his shoulders were hunched, his face was pale and his eyes on Hoseok who was lying on the bed.

Kihyun frowned and looked in the same direction. Hoseok seemed to be resting peacefully. His face was scratched, his bottom lip was split, not to mention his left arm in a sling and blocked against his chest – so that he couldn't use his injured shoulder, probably? -.... but he still looked like their Hoseok and he was there, alive and safe. Wounds could be treatened, they would heal with time, but a friend's death was not something nor him, neither any of the others would have been able to deal with. Every single one of them was like family to the other, and now Changkyun was part of it too.

He was no “stray dog” as Hoseok liked to address him. Even though, Kihyun had to admit, that seeing Changkyun being so quiet, sitting still like an obedient dog waiting for his owner to wake up for breakfast got him almost off guard. That boy was truly affectionated to Hoseok. Even with the latter being in coma, the connection between them was so strong that Kihyun felt like his own presence was becoming smaller and smaller and even more irrelevant. The bond Hoseok and Changkyun had built in such a short time couldn't just be explained with words. Kihyun knew Changkyun loved Hoseok, he heard it with his own ears, and only god knows how worried and sorry he was feeling for the younger at that very moment. But it wasn't just about that. It was not only because of Changkyun's feelings that they had such relationship. Kihyun wasn't the type to believe in fate; in all honesty he had always been quite skeptical about it, but thinking about everything that had happened in those almost two months... the way Hoseok found Changkyun, how easily he decided to 'keep him' and how fast Changkyun started to trust him. They had been living together for something that would seem like such a short time for anyone, but their way of dealing with it was so natural, so calm that it looked like they had known each other for years.

 

Got to that point, knowing about Hoseok who put his own life at risk for the “stray dog” he was so proud of, now that he was looking at such a strong, mature and devoted Changkyun Kihyun knew that those two could never be parted again. They'd probably not even know how to go on in their lives without the other at their side.

With the thought that Hoseok had the audacity to put such a special thing at risk by acting so carelessly on his own, Kihyun looked at his friend and collegue on the bed as if he wanted to pierce him with his own two eyes.

 

«This idiot,» Kihyun hissed, and Changkyun's lips curled into a tiny, bitter smile.

«He really is,» Changkyun muttered, ruffling his front hair and pulling it backwards. He was a total mess but there was no way he would leave that room. If Hoseok was going to wake up, and he surely was, Changkyun was going to be there.

«I'm going to check on Minhyuk and Jooheon,» Kihyun said with a sigh and placed the tray on the little table beside the bed. He looked at Changkyun one last time and patted his shoulder before leaving the room.

«Still nothing?», Hyungwon whispered, popping up at the friend's side from behind the door.

Kihyun jolted and brought a hand to his chest.

«You scared the shit out of me,» he hissed, turning to Hyungwon in a jealouse rage. Then he let out a deep sigh and shook his head. «Nothing new, by the way. Hoseok is still asleep and Changkyun doesn't have any intention to leave him nor to eat.»

Hyungwon frowned and gave Kihyun an apprehensive stare. Sure, Kihyun and Minhyuk weren't the ones to face the men who had kept Changkyun locked in the past and tortured Hoseok to almost death. But them not having any physical injury didn't mean they weren't as hurt as him, or Hyunwoo, or Jooheon. They were all on the same boat, worried, scared as hell but still trying to act cool for the sake of Changkyun.

«I'm okay,» Kihyun added, feeling the weight of Hyungwon's eyes on him.

«None of us is, hyung,» Hyungwon took a step back and leaned against the wall. A couple of nurses walked by the corridor and the both of them hinted a bow. «Minhyuk's already crying on Jooheon's shoulder. You can use mine if you want. Holding it all in is not going to help anyway.»

Hyungwon was right and Kihyun was aware of it. The last thing he wanted was Hyunwoo to see him falling apart, and letting go of all the weight he's been keeping in his chest. Hyungwon was going to keep the secret anyway, and Kihyun decided to take advantage of his offer, placing his forehead on the younger's shoulder.

 

 

 

 

  

 

[...]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

«How many times do I have to say this, Minhyuk-ie. It's not your fault,» Jooheon was at a loss. Minhyuk didn't seem to calm down no matter how tight he was going to hold his hands nor how sweet his words could sound.

«What if he doesn't wake up,» Minhyuk's whole body was shaking and so was his voice. He was scared to the point of insanity, and he was the only one who still hadn't visited Hoseok's room since they arrived. He knew that he would have lost control if he saw his closest friend in such conditions.

«I told you, he's going to wake up,» Jooheon insisted. He placed his right hand behind Minhyuk's nape and started massaging it gently.

«I should have told you guys straight away. I shouldn't have listened to him, I – I...»

«You did what you tought was right, Minhyuk-ie. You did so much just by putting your own life at risk spying on those three men at the club and immediately running to Hoseok. You did all of that because you were worried for your best friend and Changkyun-ie. If that's the matter, what you did wasn't wrong. It was brave,» the Jooheon from two days before probably wouldn't have the courage to say such things while staring so deeply into Minhyuk's eyes. He would have started stuttering, he would have blushed and scooped away on that bench they were sitting on.

But seeing Minhyuk, a friend, the guy he's been having a huge crush on since the day Hoseok introduced them to each other in such a state of mind, also after all that happened... well it made Jooheon change. From that moment on, he would be strong enough to protect and take care of Minhyuk no matter what. Even if his feelings weren't returned, he would have done it.

Minhyuk himself got caught off guard by Jooheon's behaviour. His eyes were piercing his resolutely, his face so close he could feel his breath tickling the tip of his nose.

«There's no way I'm letting you feel guilty for something you didn't do. There's no way, Minhyuk-ie. Hoseok-hyung is going to be okay, Changkyun-ie too. All of us. And I'm going to stay by your side until you feel better, and until you finally realise how great of a person and of a friend you are,» Jooheon leaned forward until his forehead touched Minhyuk's. People walking by the corridor they were sitting in threw glances at them, but Jooheon couldn't care less. Minhyuk was the only relevant one, he had always been, and how he wished he could tell him.

 

Maybe, maybe he could.

 

But that was not the right moment, was it?

 

Minhyuk's eyes were shaking, and he opened and closed his lips a couple of times, trying to find the right words. But they never came.

«Jooheon-ie, I-»

«Go out with me,» Jooheon said.

«What?» Minhyuk frowned. He started wondering if his mind had finally decided to go nuts, once and for all.

«Once everything settles down, let's go out together. Would you, Minhyuk-ie?» Jooheon hinted a smile, one of those that Minhyuk deeply loved because not only it made his eyes form a pair of perfectly shaped crescents, but also because of that pair of dimples showing on his cheeks.

Oh, how he loved those dimples.

And how he wished he had more control on his reactions. He could feel his cheeks burning and for some dumb reason he was also hoping that Jooheon wouldn't notice.

«I – I would, I mean. Yes, sure,» he gasped, stuttered, and avoided Jooheon's eyes as he answered.

Jooheon's eyes glistened in a mix of joy and relief, and he held Minhyuk's hand even tighter.

«Then, cheer up. And let's look forward to it because I promise, we're going to have so much fun.»

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five hours.

 

 

Five hours later Changkyun allowed his body to find some rest and fell asleep with arms crossed and head resting on Hoseok's bed. It was crazy, for how long he had been sleep-deprived without even noticing. His body was probably stronger than he thought or most probably, his mind wouldn't give him a break. Thinking that, without any doubt, Hoseok would disappear if he closed his eyes even for a few seconds.

 

Because honestly, after everything that happened, after all they went through, having Hoseok safe and alive and only a few inches away from him still felt like a dream to Changkyun. And he was still so scared, terrified he would say, because at the end of the day who was Changkyun without Hoseok?

Sure, because now that most of the memories of his past were back, engraved in his mind, he was also ready to forget about them. Not denying who he had been, or 'what', to say it better, or how he survived, but ready to write a whole new chapter over them. “Time heals everything”, Hyungwon told him once, actually, but he was pretty sure he was quoting someone else.

 

Time heals everything.

 

But Changkyun didn't want to be healed, because his cure was right there, sleeping and covered in bandages.

What an egoist he was. Considering Hoseok his “cure” when he perfectly knew what that was all about. The talk he had with Kihyun on the day he and Hyunwoo took him in their house, he was aware that the topic would have been brought back someday.

 

And at that point, what would Hoseok say?

 

Once he found out that the stray dog he had rescued fell in love with him.

 

So fast, so deeply, so awfully.

 

It was dangerous and Changkyun knew it. It was scary and he felt it. It was new and he didn't know what to do. But if he was going to give up on those emotions? Not at all.

 

“ _You'll have to tell him one day, and you know that,”_ Kihyun had told him. _“He may be a shithead sometimes, arrogant, hard to read, but he's a good guy. And he has gone through a lot. You two may have suffered because of different reasons, but you know how it feels right? Hoseok's lonely.”_

 

“ _Hoseok is lonely.”_

 

Even during his sleep, Kihyun's words were echoing in his head. And Changkyun, during one of those phases of sleep in which sensations can be perceived on the skin as you dream, wished to be the right person to put an end to that solitude.

But little did he know that as he was struggling, sinking in such thoughts, with his eyes closed and face relaxed and arms resting on Hoseok's lap over the candid sheets, something was actually happening.

With the same pace of who slowly perishes and closes his eyes, Hoseok was opening his.

First thing he saw were the white lights on the ceiling, he squeezed his eyes, annoyed, but opened them again as soon as he heard soft hummings coming from the bed.

 

Bed?

 

Oh damn right, he was in an hospital.

 

Still alive? That was unexpected.

 

He lifted his neck, just a bit because his whole body was stiff and hurt. He was confused, but not to the point to feel worried about it. He couldn't remember what happened, but if he was there with his ass still glued to his body that meant Changkyun and –

 

Changkyun.

 

“ _Kkukungie”_.

 

He got up, cursed between his teeth because his whole back felt like it was about to break and his left shoulder to fell off.

And there he was, his Changkyun, sleeping quietly with his face hidden beneath the sheets, his right cheek in touch with the small hills formed by Hoseok's legs underneath the greenish cotton veil.

Changkyun was safe. His nose was scratched, he had dark circles under his eyes and oh wow, his hair was a total mess. He definitely needed a shower.

But he was safe, Hoseok got back to him just with the only, huge difference that it was not Hoseok's merit. If it wasn't for that sleeping boy right there, and for his friends who helped, Hoseok would be dead and that thought made his blood boil in his veins.

What was he supposed to do? Or to say. He was the one who asked Changkyun to put his trust on him when they parted ways. He was the one who came up with the whole plan without telling Minhyuk, nor Kihyun, nor anyone else. He basically put everyone around him in danger, just because...

 

...because?

 

Because he didn't want to feel useless again.

Because once again, he was about to loose the only one thing that mattered to him. And he didn't want to be weak that time.

 

But it happened anyway. He disappointed Hee Young once, then himself, and now Changkyun too.

How worse would he get? A person like him, whose emotions were usually slumbering, enclosed inside a little box placed somewhere in his heart, and who didn't know how to properly take care of something, someone, when he finally tried to remove the lid.

 

“ _I love you.”_

 

How do you say it?

 

«Hey,» Hoseok said.

 

“ _I love you.”_

 

Was it even right to say it?

 

«Hey, sleepyhead,» he continued. He used his right hand to pinch Changkyun's cheek softly.

Then he noticed something. How come he had never seen it before?

 

“ _Thank you.”_

 

«I've finally woke up and you dare to sleep. What a brat,» he saw a mole on the right side of Changkyun's neck. It was quite small, maybe that was why he didn't notice it.

He felt the urge to touch it, and that's what he did. Hoseok placed the tip of his index finger right there, and pressed a little. It was really small. Probably everything about Changkyun was.

Then he pressed again, maybe a little too much that time, because Changkyun flinched in his sleep, and Hoseok smiled.

«I thought Kihyun would train you to get up fast and early, but I guess you're too stubborn even for him,» he said. He couldn't help but using a warm tone of voice. He couldn't resist the teasing, but seeing Changkyun right in front of his eyes after a time that seemed to be forever couldn't be ignored.

Changkyun moaned in annoyance, stretched his arms forward like and yawned softly, just like dogs do. Hoseok snorted, and pressed against the little mole once again, as if he was playing with one of those squishy toys you buy at the discount for five hundred won.

Changkyun turned his head, and everything was suddenly in slow motion. How his eyes opened followed by his mouth, how he lifted his head from the bed and stretched his back up straight.

He looked so lost, but his eyes were shining.

Hoseok looked back at him, then at that mole he was still playing with-

«You have a mole here,» he murmured. Changkyun frowned.

«What?», he mumbled in a sleepy voice.

«I didn't notice it before,» he continued as he slid his hand down, brushing against Changkyun's chest in the process.

Then silence came, and a whole whirlwind of words and sentences started up in their minds.

Hearts pounding, chests heavy, choking up. Hoseok's eyes were relaxed, almost half-lidded while Changkyun's were wide open, pupils shaking, almost sparkling with tears on the verge of falling.

«You're an idiot,» he whispered. Not because he wanted of course, he just ran out of breath.

What a great start.

«I've missed you too,» Hoseok replied, raising a brow. He hissed in pain as he touched his left shoulder, feeling a strong twinge.

Changkyun saw it, and his face darkened.

«You could've died,» he murmured. «How are you feeling?»

«I almost did, I guess,» Hoseok wasn't looking at him, and so Changkyun leaned forward, one hand on the bed, his forehead an inch away from the other's. «And I'm okay. What's a hole in the shoulder, after all.» He joked around, perfectly aware of how stupid it was.

Changkyun sighed in frustration, then smacked their foreheads together. Hoseok flinched.

«You lied to me,» Changkyun said accusingly.

Hoseok slowly turned his head until their noses touched. Their faces were so close he could count Changkyun's lashes and oh, there was another tiny mole on his left browbone, hidden under the hair locks.

«I didn't like it either,» he replied. «It was necessary.»

«I could've lost you,» Changkyun almost cut him off. «I could've helped.»

And he was right. He could have lost him. They could have lost each other for good.

Hoseok kept quiet for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts probably, or maybe just focusing on those chocolate brown eyes that he'd learned to read so meticulously. Everything that was going on inside Changkyun, he could see it. He could feel it. That was how it has always been working for them. That silent promise they made, all those words they shared even when talking was not necessary.

«I would never let it happen,» Hoseok said calmly. «Without me, you're doomed.»

He strongly pressed his forehead against Changkyun's on purpose, and the latter almost lost his balance. But their eyes, their eyes didn't move even for a second. They were staring at each other as if they were hungry, for each other. As if those few days in which they had been separated and had both of their lives put at risk felt like an eternity. And they did.

Hoseok hungered for Changkyun's eyes as he hungered for his presence beside him, and viceversa. They were so hungry, to feel close again, for a touch, because that would be the only real way for them to put an end to the agony of the past few days.

 

«...don't cry,» Hoseok hugged Changkyun's neck with his right arm, and pulled him close. Changkyun lost balance, his knee slipped on the sheets and he ended up with his chest against Hoseok's and his chin in the crook of his neck. He jolted at the contact, scared that he hurt Hoseok right where he was most injuried.

But Changkyun didn't know, it wasn't that shoulder to hurt Hoseok the most.

 

«Don't cry,» Hoseok repeated, whispering in his ear.

Changkyun looked down at the pillow behind them.

«I'm not crying,» he said, words a little muffled against Hoseok's skin.

«Yes you are,» and with that said, Hoseok slowly let himself fall behind. Very slowly, so that they could comfortably lay o the bed, which creaked under their weight.

 

Just like how it used to be, they were laying on a bed, hugging like their life depended on it.

 

Changkyun wasn't crying, though. He really wasn't, right? There were no tears on his face, no evidence of what Hoseok was talking about. But yet, now that he heard those words, he started wondering.

Maybe, crying wouldn't be too bad. Kihyun once told him that it helped to relieve the stress.

But in front of Hoseok? Never.

 

«We'll have to go grocery shopping when I get out of here,» Hoseok murmured, his right hand caressing Changkyun's hair. He moved his legs and hinted a smile when they linked with Changkyun's under the sheets.

It was a warm feeling.

«Uh?» Changkyun looked up at him with a frown.

Hoseok looked back at him.

«The apartment has been without power for almost a week, stuff inside the fridge must be rotten as of now.»

«Even my fruit juices?» he gasped, jaw dropped. Hoseok nodded and curled his nose at the sight of a boy who seemed so desperate over something so trivial. But he was not surprised, and he would never judge Changkyun for being himself.

«Even your fruit juices,» he affirmed, and Changkyun squinted his eyes.

«Murderer. Then we'll buy twice of them this time.»

Hoseok laughed with a snort, shaking his head. God, how he missed him.

«You're such a spoilt dog,» he poked his tummy. The atmosphere seemed so light, as if their surroundings didn't really matter anymore. In Hoseok's eyes, they were at home, in their bedroom, with the sound of the tv coming from the other room because dang it, Changkyun forgot to turn it off again. They were on their bed, covered in sheets with the scent of that detergent Changkyun bought at the minimarket after picking it randomly, and that Hoseok didn't really like because it was “way too sugary”. He wanted things to go back as they used to be.

«I've told you already, I'm not a dog,» Changkyun huffed and flinched a bit under Hoseok's touch. And Hoseok hummed, then clicked his tongue.

«Yes you are. You even have a nickname and oh, I was thinking about buying you a collar. You know, those with the tag, just in case you get lost,» he grinned at the younger, moving his finger from the tummy to his nose, and booped it lightly. «“If lost, please return to Hoseok!”, and my phone number right under that.»

But Changkyun could read Hoseok's eyes just as good as him, and he knew that, somewhere way far below the surface, those words were hiding much more meaning than Hoseok intended to express.

 

This time, he was going to dug deeper. His eyebrows rose slightly at an incoming thought.

«You said I could go away anytime if I wanted to,» there it was. Changkyun had just threw the rock in the pond, and now it was waiting for it to make a ripple on the surface.

 

Come out. _Come out._

 

«And _you_ said you didn't want to,» Hoseok replied, his lips moving fast.

Changkyun looked at him in the eyes.

«I know,» he said. Hoseok suddenly became quiet.

One, two, eight, ten, thirteen seconds.

Changkyun was impatient, Hoseok blinked his eyes and parted his lips. For a second, he didn't look happy at all.

«Is it still so?» he asked, in a hushed tone despite the silence.

«Mh?»

«Are you going to stay?»

What a stupid question, Hoseok. Changkyun glanced at him almost coldly, but it wasn't on purpose. Just, he was trying to conceal any possible emotion that could shine through his eyes as he was going to talk again.

«Ask me,» he said. «Say it out loud.»

In front of such an unexpected, stern behaviour, Hoseok exhibited a deep frown. How long has he been asleep for his Changkyun to grow up that much, looking all serious and mature?

«The heck?» he spoke his mind out, literally. But how was he going to explain that weird feeling in his stomach? Probably his sixth sense, showing off, like an alarm ringing on a loop.

«Ask me to stay with you,» Changkyun wasn't going to give in to his feelings. He moved his arms, so that he wasn't hugging Hoseok's chest anymore. His left arm reached under his head, while his right hand went for Hoseok's face, cupping his left cheek. He caressed it with his thumb, and breathed from his nostrils when he noticed that Hoseok's skin, once so smooth and blemish-free, was now covered in cuts and bruises.

«Ask me to stay with you,» he repeated. «But do it only if you really mean it, because once you do, I'll never leave.»

 

“ _Don't leave then. Never.”_

 

Hoseok tilted his head towards Changkyun's gentle touch. For the first time, the younger was touching him without trying to annoy or play with him. It felt different, it felt intimate, and safe, and it was.

With Changkyun, Hoseok was safe.

From the bad thoughts, from the boring, overwhelming routine. From himself.

He closed his eyes, breathed in, and his nerves calmed as soon as he filled his nostrils with Changkyun's scent. He could have bottled it, that will do, and just let Changkyun go. He could have said “Okay, you got your memory back. Everything is solved, you don't need me anymore.”

But the point was that, even if Changkyun wasn't the one to need Hoseok anymore, Hoseok still needed Changkyun more than he could've ever imagined.

Changkyun was waiting, impatience was painted all over his face. Hoseok opened his mouth, turned his head a little to the side, faced Changkyun's palm, and bit onto it softly.

«Stay with me,» he whispered against the skin, and Changkyun shuddered at the feeling. Hoseok noticed it, he hummed, and licked that same spot. «Do you want me to say it again, Kkukungie?»

Changkyun nodded.

«Yes,» his voice sounded way too weak. Damn it.

Hoseok locked their eyes together.

«Stay with me,» he murmured. «And you won't need to make promises. From now on, I'll be the one not letting you go.»

Changkyun didn't even blink and replied so fast that Hoseok almost couldn't end the sentence.

«Okay,» he breathed.

 

“ _Okay.”_

 

“ _Okay?”_

 

That was everything he was going to say and he already knew it. It wasn't much, it was nothing, but it was enough for them. He didn't even think about it, honestly. Changkyun knew what he wanted, and he wanted Hoseok to ask him to stay, and as soon as that happened words finally spilled from his lips. His chest exploded, and he felt lighter.

Hoseok's head fell on Changkyun's shoulder as he suffocated a chuckle. He couldn't expect nothing less from that puppy and frankly, it was fine.

«Okay,» he mimicked Changkyun's tone as he smiled.

That was a promise, but it wasn't new. That was _their_ promise, something that had existed since the day Changkyun first opened his eyes to Hoseok's bedroom. Maybe that was why Changkyun's heart didn't skip a beat how everyone would expect. Rather than that, its pace slowed down.

Everything was really going to be okay from that day on.

«You should rest a bit more,» Changkyun said, but immediately fooled himself by letting out a soft yawn.

Hoseok noticed it, and smirked.

«Says who.»

«Shut up,» Changkyun whined and pinched his nape. «You were almost nicer when you couldn't talk.»

Hoseok glared at him and blinked.

«“Almost”,» he remarked.

«Yes, almost. I was bored,» Changkyun looked away and filled his left cheek with some air. Hoseok rushed to press his index finger on it.

«Did you miss me, Kkukungie?»

«You already know the answer,» Changkyun murmured, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. Quite a useless and unexplicable behaviour, if you will. And he knew it perfectly, since he himself was the one who waited in that room for days, never leaving Hoseok's side if not only when it was strictly necessary.

«“Say it out loud”,» Hoseok repeated his words once again, and his grin still lingering on his lips.

 

Changkyun groaned in exhaustion as he went back to look at the other. He decided to ignore the playful wink Hoseok gave him, and bit his lower lip from the inside.

 

«I did. I missed you.»

 

«Thank you,» Hoseok said, looking at him good-naturedly. «But I still think you should sleep, too.»

«I guess so,» Changkyun huffed, and nuzzled the tip of his nose against Hoseok's shoulder, very lightly, careful not to hurt him. He closed his eyes. «But you better get off your ass and feel better soon. I want to go home and catch up with that videogame I was playing before moving to Kihyun and Hyunwoo-hyung's apartment.»

Hoseok hummed, placed his right hand on Changkyun's head and carefully started to mess up his hair. He enjoyed every second of Changkyun's annoyed moaning, and wasn't going to stop until he fell asleep, or at least calmed his nerves. Because althought being good at dealing with physical pain, he had started to have a hard time due to the wound on his shoulder.

 

«I'll try my best.»

 

After all, he had a more than valid reason to.

 

 

 

They probably should have talked about what happened. They should have told each other how worried they were. Hoseok should have been heroically speaking his reasons for doing something so brave yet so stupid, he should have revealed Changkyun of his past and Changkyun himself, he should have talked about his feelings now that all the memories were back, clear and sad.

But they were not going to do that, at least not for a while. What happened then was nothing but the chisel served to carve their actual selves. There was no reason to pretend it didn't happen, but it would have been way more damaging to live while still looking back.

 

There was no reason to be cautious. Nothing was left to do but to look forward.

 

 

 

 

 

_Be my legs, my lungs and my eyes._

_Now that we've got here, right here._

_Take me away._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys know what i'm about to say:  
> this is coming to its end. and i don't know how to feel about it. 
> 
> stray dog is... precious to me, because of many reasons. 
> 
> i'm sorry if i'm not that good, sometimes i wish english was my mother language because damn, things would be way easier for me and my vocabulary would be way more extended, but this is not the case. i'm also sorry because i've kept you waiting for some time on these last chapters especially. i hope it was worth it. 
> 
> i don't know how many chapters are left, maybe one, maybe two. but i'd like to thank you all, already, for showing so much love and support to this story. it wouldn't have gone further than chapter 2, if it wasn't for you guys.  
> i'm truly thankful and i treasure you all so much.
> 
> 'til the next chapter, bbye!


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls remember you can find me on twitter by the id @wontokkii !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

«So, is it today?», Hyunwoo was standing at the right side of the bed, his right wrist was still plastered but he had his arms crossed at his chest. He was smiling, proudly and clearly relieved, looking at his friend who, day after day, seemed to be going back to his old self.

«Yes, they will check me out today» Hoseok replied as he tried to sit up on the bed and rest his back against the headboard. He gritted his teeth in pain as it was difficult to do so with an arm that was completely out of use.

In a matter of seconds, Minhyuk rushed to him.

«Careful,» he murmured, wrapping his arms around Hoseok's waist. «You shouldn't be making such moves on your own. Don't push yourself too hard.»

His voice was soft and shaky, and Hoseok noticed that he wasn't even looking at him. Actually, Minhyuk had been acting weirdly since he walked into the room with Jooheon by his side. Hoseok wasn't sure about the reason behind such behaviour, because the 'usual' Minhyuk would have tried his best to brighten up the general mood and blow a couple of jokes only to see his friends laugh.

That Minhyuk, who was wandering around the room looking as pale as a ghost, was not _his_ Minhyuk. And Hoseok started wondering what he might have seen, what could be going on inside that bleached head to make him look so devastated.

«It's okay, Minhyuk-ie,» Hoseok hinted a smile at him. «Thank you.»

But Minhyuk didn't say a word, he just went back to his spot, right beside Jooheon, keeping his head down. Jooheon frowned, placed a hand on Minhyuk's back and then turned his head to Hoseok.

«I'm glad that they are letting you out this fast hyung, but please remember that you have to take care of yourself. You can't move your arm, no matter what. You also have head injuries, so you better stay in bed.»

Jooheon had shifted his eyes to Changkyun has he spoke, and the younger nodded firmly in agreement. Hoseok whistled.

«Look at my Jooheon-ie, being so professional,» he smirked, but Jooheon didn't seem to be in the right mood for plain sarcasm, and frowned.

«I'm serious, hyung,» he sighed. «I know Changkyun-ie is going to take proper care of you, but if there's any doubt you have or if something goes wrong just call me, okay?»

 He looked extremely concerned. All of them did, and Hoseok's smile finally softened.

«Got it. I can't afford any more medical expenses anyway,» he shrugged, throwing a glance at Changkyun, who never left his spot on the chair at the left side of the bed, and the younger responded with a chuckle.

 

That was such a lame thing to say, but it was true: money was not something they could boast of.

But it was okay. They couldn't care less.

 

«So,» Kihyun joined the conversation after clearing his troath. He was standing next to Hyunwoo, shoulders against the wall and a huge sweater, definitely not his, was dropped on him like a sack. «How was it? Waking up with Changkyun-ie by your side? I hope you've at least thanked him properly.» He said pulling out a somehow scowly expression.

An awkward silence followed, during which everyone in the room turned their heads to Hoseok who, in return, pouted his lips and looked at Changkyun again. Changkyun who, on the opposite, had already started panicking on his own, with nervous hands touching each other and flushed cheeks.

«W-what kind of question is that!» Changkyun's lips were trembling as he spoke. The flush on his face expanded from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

«A very precise one,» Kihyun replied, ignoring the frowning face of his boyfriend who was staring at him in total disbelief.

«A very inconvenient one, hyung... if you will,» Hyungwon muttered from his spot, arching his eyebrow. The right corner of his plump lips lifted though, showing an amused smirk. He knew what Kihyun was talking about, but he would rather let the older be the “bad guy” in this.

«It's not inconvenient at all,» Kihyun rushed to say, sounding almost offended. He nodded towards Hoseok and Changkyun. «They both know what I'm talking about.»

«Do they...», Hyunwoo questioned his boyfriend's remark in a low voice, but Kihyun heard him and gave him a light kick.

Oh, Changkyun knew for sure what Kihyun was talking about. And he also knew that him asking certain questions to Hoseok was only because he was concerned about Changkyun's feelings towards the older. After all, Kihyun was the one to know everything. He was the one who saw him crying out of confusion and guilt.

 

In other words, Kihyun was just trying to help. But the unexpected embarassment caught Changkyun off guard.

 

Hoseok, quite the reverse, wasn't looking affected at all.

«I didn't thank him properly, that's true,» he said, and hearing those words Kihyun's hands fastly moved on his waist, a clear sign that he was ready to give him the worst-case lecture. Hoseok smiled. «But I'll do it as soon as we get back home, you can count on it.»

«Uh?» Changkyun fastly turned his head to look at Hoseok as he was quite confused: why was he smiling like that? Why was he, most of all, looking at him with those eyes? _“Thanking him properly as soon as they get home?”_ What kind of answer was that?

 

Changkyun gulped.

«There's no need to do anything like that,» he frowned. «Besides, you should think of healing fast. You're annoying enough when you're healthy, I don't want to deal with the convalescing version of you for too long!» He stuttered a few words, nervousness strongly growing in his body like flowers in spring time.

 

But Hoseok wasn't offended, not at all. More than that, he was glad. And thankful. Looking around himself as he was sitting on that hospital bed, seeing his closest friends' faces, gratitude was the only feeling he was able to perceive.

And to Changkyun mostly, he was content with his heart heating up and his whole body melting as he could see that smile again. That smile he liked so much to the point of putting his own life at risk to preserve it.

“ _My legs give up everytime I see you smiling.”_ How many times did those words come to his mind when Changkyun was right next to him, and during those moments when he wasn't. Even when those men in black were beating, kicking, shoving his body from a wall to another inside that white room, it was Changkyun's smile Hoseok kept focusing on. It was _that precious thing_ that made evey little pain, every second during which he thought he was about to die, worth it.

 

«Don't worry about that, Kkukungie,» he used his right hand to pinch the youngers' cheek. Changkyun opened his mouth and attempted a bite, but Hoseok was faster than him and he slid his hand back under the sheets. «Bad puppy,» he hissed.

 

Their friends all smiled amusingly at the sight. Even Minhyuk hinted a chuckle from his safe spot in Jooheon's arms. Needless to say, the fact that Hoseok and Changkyun were back together, bickering and name-calling each other like they used to, made all of them feel more at ease. Now they really were sure everything was going back to normal. Or to a better path, no less.

 

«You two...» Hyungwon sighed loudly, placing both hands on his own hips.

«It's nice to see you two back together, guys,» Hyunwoo spoke his friend's mind as he held Kihyun's shoulders tightly with his good arm. Kihyun who, with a funny smirk of his, peeped at Changkyun and winked at him, causing the younger to choke on his own breath. Changkyun's cheeks flushed in red, but his eyes were steadily sending a threatening glance at the other. 

  
Hoseok smiled at his friends' words but still couldn't notice Changkyun's reaction, because his eyes were now resting on Minhyuk's figure. His all time best friend, who despite being more relaxed than before, still looked like he was carrying so much weight in his chest. Jooheon was right there telling him with his eyes that he was going to take care of it, and Hoseok nodded.

 

He knew that Jooheon would take care of Minhyuk splendidly, yet he was also aware of the fact that he was the one who needed to talk to the blonde guy and apologize.

If Minhyuk was in that state, it was Hoseok's fault and no other's.

 

«Minhyuk-ie,» he called him. Minhyuk blinked his eyes and raised his head from Jooheon's shoulder.

«Thank you for what you did,» Hoseok continued. Minhyuk frowned, and no one in the room dared to speak a word. «I know I put you in so much trouble by asking you not to tell the others about my plan. I was selfish, and I'm sorry.»

Minhyuk bit his lower lip, so hard that he could somehow taste the metallic hint of blood in his mouth. Hoseok really was all set to address the issue right there, in front of all the others?

Jooheon patted his back while still smiling.

«But I also want you to know that if it wasn't for you and your guts when you did your best to warn us, we would probably be in so much trouble as of now,» Hoseok kept talking; he breathed in and started scratching his nape, looking almost nervous for the first time in a while. «Thank you for letting me save Changkyun. Even if he and you guys were the ones who ended up saving me instead.»

And he really meant that. Minhyuk gulped, or probably choked on some air or both, and lowered his head only to stare at his own feet. He felt better though, he was just embarassed and overwhelmed with relief and various other emotions he couldn't even describe. He peeped at his friends around him through the locks of his hair, and saw them all smiling.

 

Everything was going to be okay.

 

«I'm... just glad you're both safe,» he muttered and suddenly felt warmth running from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He heard a chuckle coming from his side, and a second later Jooheon was pinching his right lobe.

 

«If I may dare to change the subject for now,» Jooheon turned to look at the others. «I wanted you guys to know that I've asked Minhyuk-ie out just a couple of hours ago.»

«Jooheon!» Minhyuk snapped and turned his head to the guy in a jealous rage. What was he thinking, telling their friends about their date just like that?

«What?!» Hyungwon said, already half laughing in excitement.

«Oh my – okay, no. Actually, it was about time,» Kihyun nodded.

«Minhyuk-hyung, your face is so red,» Changkyun pointed out and he was about to talk again when Hoseok poked his cheek out of the blue.

«So is yours,» Hoseok observed in awe, a little grin on his lips. «Are you absorbing his embarassment through osmosis?»

Changkyun leaned back on his chair, enough to stay away from Hoseok's playful index finger.

«W-what are you talking about?! I'm just-,» he crossed his arms at his chest, looking even more awkward than before. «I'm just happy for them, that's all. They liked each other for a long time now, right?»

«That's true,» Hyunwoo, who was standing only a few inches away from Changkyun at that point, ruffled the younger's hair gently. «I still remember the day Jooheon was visiting Hoseok at the restaurant and Minhyuk passed by by chance, introducing himself as Hoseok's childhood friend. Jooheon's face turned as red as the drapes in the dining room.»

Kihyun nodded.

«Yeah, and Minhyuk was so desperate to talk to Jooheon again that he asked Hoseok his number with the fake excuse that he was starting to have some kind of influenza and wanted to ask Jooheon for “suggestions”.» He air quoted the last word, looking at Minhyuk who had just opened his mouth in shock in front of such a big betrayal.

«That- that was supposed to be a secret, Kihyun-ah!» Minhyuk yelled, but Kihyun couldn't care less and he nonchalantly rolled his eyes and shrugged in response.

Hoseok chortled as he lowered his head at the funny sight, Changkyun gave him a soft nudge and muttered not to laugh since it would seem rude. Hoseok playfully sticked out his tongue to him and at that point, Changkyun was too startled by such an unexpected behaviour to say something back.

«Well then, I guess these two were what you call “mean-to-be” from the start,» Hyungwon said, placing a hand on Jooheon's shoulder a squeezing it softly, as if to encourage him to shake off the embarrassment. 

  
Jooheon coughed, his whole face painted in red and almost sweaty. Minhyuk twisted his nose as he noticed, and smacked his arm.

«How dare you to blush like that?! It's you who decided to tell them straight away!»

 

They all laughed.

 

It was a warm feeling.

 

It felt like home.

 

It felt like nothing happened.

 

It smelled like the coffee Hoseok was so bad at making in the morning, because he still couldn't use the machine properly but nor Hyunwoo nor Jooheon dared to tell him.

 

It sounded like those funny yet so annoying videogames effects that Minhyuk and Changkyun used to imitate while playing.

 

It tasted delicious like Kihyun's cooking, with Hyungwon helping him while furtively stealing tiny bites.

 

Hoseok was thankful to know that he was going to be able to feel all those things, again and again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[…]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Hoseok and Changkyun returned to the apartment it was already midnight, mostly because once out of the hospital they, together with their friends all agreed to stop by Hyunwoo and Kihyun's apartment straight away. They had dinner together, Kihyun cooked enough food for an army out of excitement and no one dared to complain.

Changkyun could gather all his stuff from the guest room and put it back into his lagguage, and it was such a relief.

Hoseok's mother called, on Changkyun's phone obviously since Hoseok didn't have it with him. She was worried and it took a while for Hoseok to come up with a decent excuse. That was also when Hoseok discovered how Changkyun found out about his lie, and he felt dumb.

Hoseok's mom asked about Changkyun a lot too, which surprised Hoseok to the point that he didn't even know if he was supposed to be jealous and in that case, of who.

After dinner, they spent the rest of the evening talking and playing games, during which Kihyun would sit on Hyunwoo's lap and Minhyuk would sleepily lay his head on Jooheon's shoulder. Hyungwon fell asleep with his head on Changkyun's lap, and the younger decided that it was necessary to take advantage of the situation and draw a couple of cat whiskers on both his cheeks. Hyungwon never woke up, and Hyunwoo decided that it was for the best for him to stay for the night, so he literally grabbed Hyungwon's body and effortlessly threw him on the bed where Changkyun had been sleeping for the past few days.

 

In all of this, Hoseok... looked happy.

 

Changkyun was sure, he never saw Hoseok smiling so often. And once again, he thought that everything he had done, everything that happened, was worth it just because of that.

He had Hoseok by his side again, and it was like the World, the whole Universe and all the galaxies above returned to make sense.

 

 

  
Once in the apartment, which was a bit stuffy to be honest, it took a while for Hoseok to remember how to get the electricity back on. Changkyun didn't have a single clue on the subject, so he just stood there, holding his lagguage in one hand and keeping the other on Hoseok's back as if to prevent him from falling, if that would ever happen.

Hoseok had already told him many times that he was good with walking, that his legs were okay and there was no need for Changkyun to be so anxious about it. But the younger was too stubborn and Hoseok didn't have the strength to let him down, not anymore.

 

«Oh, right. It was this thing here,» Hoseok murmured to himself as he pressed a bright blue button inside the little box placed on the wall behind the door.

 

Finally, the electricity came back. He turned a red knob, and the gas returned too.

 

«Feels like it's been ages, doesn't it?» Hoseok said with a little smile, placing his good hand on his waist as he looked around.

  
Changkyun clicked his tongue.

 

«I don't know about the feeling, but it surely smells like it,» he said.

 

Hoseok once again used his good arm and smacked the younger's nape, making him almost loose his balance.

«Wha-- ?! That hurt!» Changkyun yelled, looking up at Hoseok while massaging the targeted spot.

«Serves you right,» Hoseok replied with a grin. Then he breathed in, and it looked like it took him a few seconds to be fully relaxed. He closed his eyes and Changkyun frowned while still staring at his face. «This is our home. This is not gonna change, whether it's neat or messy.»

Changkyun was sure, among all the things Hoseok said to him since they met, those were the warmest, most beautiful words he could find to make Changkyun's heart skip a beat.

 

Oh, it was almost painful how his heart started beating into his chest. So fast, so hard as if it was trying to break through his bones.

 

 

 

“ _Our home.”_

 

 

 

«Hey.»

 

 

 

He called it, _their home_.

 

 

 

«Hey? Earth to Kkukungie.»

 

 

 

His heart kept beating faster and faster.

  
_Stop._

_Stop, stop, stop!_

 

It was too much to handle.

 

 

 

«...this brat. HEY!»

 

Hoseok's voice finally broke through the fragile glass of Changkyun's thoughts and emotions, and before the latter could even raise his head Hoseok smacked his nape one more time.

«Ouch! Stop. Hitting. Me!» Changkyun whined, stomping a foot on the floor in a childish manner. 

  
«I'll do it when you'll stop being all quiet and lost in your thoughts,» Hoseok said. Then, this time, he touched Changkyun's nape in a more gentle way, caressing it with the tips of his fingers. Changkyun felt shivers all over his body. «I like you better when you talk a lot and act like your usual self, just as much as you find me annoying.»

Changkyun wondered if he offended him with those words back in the hospital. But Hoseok was smiling in such a relaxed way, that he assumed there was nothing to worry about.

 

Or at least, he _did_ have something to worry about, but it was a much deeper matter.

 

He allowed himself to take those few steps that separated them from the bedroom and brought his lagguage with him and placed it right beside the door. When he stepped back into the main room, Hoseok was already making himself comfortable on the sofa.

 

«I – don't find you annoying,» Changkyun muttered, quietly walking closer to the other.

Hoseok opened his mouth in awe as he nodded slowly.

«Aah, so you don't?»

«I don't.»

«Mmhm.»

«Don't hum at me. It's true!»

«Kkukungie,» Hoseok patted the spot next to him. «Come here.»

 

Changkyun did as he was told, and sat beside Hoseok with his legs crossed and hands resting on both of his ankles. That had been his comfortable position for as long as he could remember, but even after so many years he still couldn't figure out the reason behind it.

Changkyun was looking up at the ceiling and Hoseok sighed, closed his eyes, and a second later he had already rested his head on the other's shoulder.

«It was quite a wild ride, wasn't it?», he said with a flat voice.

Changkyun could feel his hair tickling against the sensitive skin of his neck.

«Definitely wild, and mostly dangerous,» he replied. Then he paused for a second and during that brief fraction of time he lowered his head, looked at his toes and asked himself which could be the best way to say what he wanted to say.

 

«Listen, Hoseok, I--»

«Don't.»

Hoseok didn't move an inch, but his voice alone sounded powerful enough to destroy any certainty.

«What?»

 

Changkyun was holding his breath.

It started raining. Windows were still closed but they could hear the sound perfectly.

 

«If you're trying to apologize for what happened, then don't.»

 

Thunder roared, and Changkyun jolted.

 

 

_How do you know me so well?_

_Stop reading my mind._

 

_You're everywhere already._

 

 

Changkyun bit his own bottom lip and shook his head: he was going to talk and speak his mind no matter how much Hoseok opposed to it. What happened, how Hoseok risked his life only to protect him... that was the first and last time.

 

«I'm sorry,» he tightened the grip on his ankles. «But you're the one who said that you like me more when I talk a lot, so here I am.»

 

Hoseok opened his eyes.

Oh, so that was how things had changed.

 

His Changkyun became stronger.

 

Another thunder.

 

«None of that would've happened if it wasn't for me. More than that, you wouldn't be in this state. If you look deeper into it, neither you nor any of the others would have been in danger if I never came into your life. I was carrying so much shit on my shoulders and it doesn't matter if I couldn't remember about it... No matter how you put it, I'm still the cause of everything.»

 

Changkyun's voice sounded deep yet fragile, and Hoseok silently watched over those tiny hands that had just started shaking.

He thought about how bad he wanted to take them in his.

 

«So please don't say that I shouldn't apologize, don't say that it was your choice only to do such a stupid thing,» Changkyun's face features were now showing all the tension and nervousness that those words were bringing. And when it's your body telling what the heart has been battling for so long, that, that is the moment when you realize that the person beside you is too important for you to keep lying to them, and yourself. «Every single day, I couldn't stop thinking that I should have left. I knew that staying here, at your expense, was wrong. And I felt even more sorry and pissed at myself because even if I was still here, I couldn't do anything on my own. I couldn't even help you with, I don't know, the usual things. Those things that anyone is supposed to know about but that I was completely unaware of. I know you've always told me that it was my choice to leave or not, but... sometimes, I wished you could just kick me out.»

 

Changkyun got choked up, those last few words left his lips with such poor willpower that, Hoseok was sure, if he was just a few meters further he wouldn't be able to hear them.

Changkyun was crying, and it was not Hoseok assuming it this time. Real tears were falling down his cheeks and each one of them was a merciless stab to Hoseok's chest.

 

He promised himself, he would do anything to assure Changkyun's happiness and well being.

And he did, and he never had second thoughts about it.

But looking at Changkyun right there, crying his heart out because of an unnecessary sense of guilt, made him realise that what he did wasn't enough or better, what he thought was the right thing to do, it actually wasn't.

 

By risking his life to save him, he made Changkyun feel even more like a burden and the cause of all the evil.

 

“ _Why don't you just admit that you're tired? Just tell me that you don't want me here anymore!”_ Those words Changkyun shouted at him during their argument, when Hoseok told him he had to go with Kihyun and Hyunwoo because he couldn't 'take care of him', he was finally getting the true meaning of it.

While Hoseok believed that hurting Changkyun was the easiest way to make him want to leave without having to tell him, Changkyun was the one who tried to freed Hoseok from his presence. Just, he didn't have the strength nor the will to say it.

 

But none of that was true, it was all about fear.

A painful, excruciating terror of loosing one another because of mutual failings.

 

The storm picked up, wind was blowing and shutters started banging.

 

Hoseok had never, not even for a second, thought about kicking Changkyun out nor having him out of his life. Besides, what Hoseok wanted, was more. More of it, more of everything.

Of his presence, of his smiles, of his voice and of his whinings.

Anything Changkyun was, Hoseok wanted it all.

 

«I'm sorry.»

 

He finally spoke and completely turned his head to Changkyun. He used the knuckles of his good hand to wipe some tears off his face and eventually caught him let out a soft sniffle.

But still, Changkyun kept quiet, not even daring to look back at him. It was Hoseok hand that moved, once again, and slowly and carefully slid down Changkyun's arm until their palms met and their fingers touched. Softly, in a silent awarness, and Hoseok held his hand.

 

«I'm sorry, Changkyun. For the things I did and mostly for those I did not,» he was talking quietly, as if the tiniest increase in the volume of his voice could actually hurt Changkyun in any sort of way. He kept looking at him, trying to see any kind of reaction on his face, a glint in his eyes. Changkyun shook his head and he squeezed his eyes to chase those tears away.

 

«What do you mean?», he asked, his voice still broken. He was now looking at their hands locked together, and despite the shame he was feeling, he couldn't prevent his heart from bloating in commotion.

How hopeless he felt, and how desperate was his need to tell the person next to him that the union of their hands, was what he considered to be the safest place on Earth.

Hoseok hinted a smile, one of those smiles that looked beautiful despite the sadness hidden behind them.

«I mean that there are many things that I did that I could've done better, like taking dangerous decisions on my own. I knew it would hurt you but, blame my egoism for that, I much preferred to do so than let you know that something from your past was the cause of everything. I'd rather have you to be angry at me, than knowing you're blaming yourself. And there are also many things that I didn't do, or didn't say, that should have been done or said. Thinking about it, I guess this is the right place and time to do so.»

 

Changkyun frowned. He was pretty damn sure he wasn't getting a single hint of what Hoseok was trying to say, then why was he so overwhelmed by the simple idea of what could come next? Why was his breath stuck in his throat, why was his whole body feeling so hot that he knew he could boil an egg just by placing it over his skin?

Why was his heart full of hopes while his mind was just as empty as a hole?

 

«You've never been a burden. There has never been a time I regretted taking you with me. If you ask me the reason why I decided to do that, I'll probably never know. I've never pitied you, if that's a thing you worry about. As I told Jooheon on the night I found you and called him for help, it seemed to me that what you needed was company, not a doctor. I'm still convinced, but I also came to the conclusion that what I did, whatever it was – saved or kidnapped you, the right term doesn't really matter at this point – I did it for myself too,» Hoseok kept talking, and as he did, he moved.

He rested his forehead against Changkyun's, and that was when the younger realized how often they used to do that. They had shared quite a few moments, but something like that became the usual probably without them even noticing. They could be bickering, joking around or just talking about whatever, Hoseok was always the first one to make the first move, and he would get so close to Changkyun that it was hard for the latter not to think that it was weird.

 

“ _Weird”_ , but appealing.

 

Changkyun's eyes were now glued to Hoseok's. He took a deep breath.

 

«“For yourself”, you say, but... I don't think I know you well enough to understand,» he pouted his lips in and looked away for a second, they went back to Hoseok again. «To be honest, Hoseok, I feel like I don't know you at all.»

 

Hoseok's expression suddenly became gloomy, and Changkyun started panicking.

 

«I—I mean, wait. Okay, I know your tastes like, I know you like instant noodles and well cooked meat and that you eat all the vegetables except zucchini and the red leaves of the salad because you think they have a bitter taste. I know you prefer having a glass of milk in the morning rather than coffee but only because you just can't use the machine and you got tired of it, I...» He stopped right there. He was pretty sure he was going too far and definitely out of context, yet Hoseok seemed to be okay with it. To be more precise, he looked like he was enjoying it.

 

«Go on,» Hoseok said, smiling at the sight of a Changkyun who was not only flustered, but looked absolutely adorable with that confused expression of his.

 

And he was, 'confusion' was his second name now. He had no idea of what he was seeking for by pointing out all the things he got to know about Hoseok during their time together. What he knew was that he spent so much time watching over him, caring to memorize what he liked and what not, and that Hoseok wanted to hear them from him.

Oh well, Changkyun, you're digging your own grave already. There's no way out, so just go deeper.

 

«I know you like sleeping by the side of the window but that you're letting me do it because you know I like it just as much. You know how to cook but you're too lazy to do it, and Kihyun-hyung's cooking is your favorite. You prefer cartoons over tv news and I like that, and you also like playing retro videogames because in your opinion they require much more reasoning and logic than the modern ones. I know you hate summer because you can't stand the hot weather and that you can't wait for Christmas because it's your favorite holiday of the year. I know you don't mind horror movies but that you skip every trailer that comes up on tv every time because I'm scared of them. I also know you – never fall asleep before me, and that you watch over me until I crush... out.» He bit his lips and then shut them close, his whole face heating up. That was really enough.

«Seems like you know quite a lot about me already,» Hoseok said, laughing softly.

Changkyun cleared his throat.

«Th-those are just some things I've noticed on my own, I just...» he brought his right arm behind his neck and started scratching his nape nervously. «If something makes you happy, I want to remember it, so that I can – you know. I try my best to memorize it. So that if one day you're in a bad mood, I can rely on it to cheer you up.»

 

Digging deeper and deeper.

How do you tell someone that your whole world revolves around them?

Someone as Hoseok, who not only was so hard to read all the time, but also brought this huge, magnetic aura around him?

 

«But I want to know more about you, because if you're an egoist I am an egoist too. I want to know your story, what you think and your reasons. I want to know everything you're okay with telling me, because it's not only me in this relationship we have, we're living together so it's... both of us, and there has been a few times when I've been jealous of your friends, because they knew you better than me and with that, they could take better care of you... than me.»

Changkyun's hands moved again, and they were now fighting with eachother, pinching and pulling the skin with their nails in turmoil. He was starting to feel dizzy, words and emotions were flooding from his ches to his brain, filling his head and making it hurt.

A little part of him, probably too frightened, hoped that Hoseok would say or do something, it could be anything. He was so embarrassed, panicked, but he couldn't deny the fact that finally speaking his thoughts and worries was helping him feeling lighter and serene.

 

Hoseok's face was still close to his, their forehead touching but something in the older had changed. He was still smiling, but there was no sadness in that smile. Rather than that, Changkyun could see how his lips were curled in a sweet shape, with the outer corners pointing up and making his cheeks pop out even more, his nose was a little scrunched up and his eyes were just as smiley as his lips, slightly shaped into crescents and twinkling from the inside. Or at least, that was how Changkyun would've described it. Despite the wounds and the bruises on his face, Hoseok remained the most beautiful being Changkyun had ever laid his eyes on.

 

He wanted to make him happy, always.

 

«You're not just the one who picked me up off the street, Hoseok. Not anymore. I want – to stay here, because you're my starting point. And I'd rather be your dog for the rest of my life than being separated from you. I like it here, I like your company, I like my new friends–,» he licked his lips. He felt Hoseok's free hand on his cheek. It would have been soft and silky, if it wasn't for the little scars on both its palm and back. Changkyun loved the feeling of it anyway. «I've discovered so many things since I met you, but don't see a point in enjoying all the good in this world, if I'm not with you. And I think – I think that the main reason is that... I just like you –. »

 

 

 

 

_I just like you._

 

 

 

 

Those few words kept going in Changkyun's head with the same speed and intensity of a machine gun.

Because he couldn't believe he really said it.

Also because he couldn't talk so everything was now locked into his brain, filling it up.

Mostly because he had Hoseok's lips on his and everything else didn't really matter.

 

Hoseok was kissing him unpretentiously, his mouth only slightly parted because he wasn't going to push for anything. He knew what he was doing, and he knew it was something that Changkyun had probably never experienced before. Even if his instict would tell him otherwise, he was going to take it slow.

But Changkyun's lips were so soft, and had such a pretty shape that fit so perfectly against his. He tasted good also, or should he give credit to Kihyun's cooking for that?

He was staring into Changkyun's eyes and his heart melted at the sight: Changkyun was looking back at him and had both of his cheeks painted in red, from his nose to the tips of his ears.

Hoseok breathed softly, Changkyun felt it against the skin.

 

The storm was still going on, and the sound of the rain against the windowpanes became the only sound inside the whole house.

 

Changkyun knew nothing about kissing. He would go  _“yuck!”_ at any scene portraying kisses on tv out of embarrassment, and he wouldn't believe Kihyun when he told him that it was something that would come “naturally”.

He wouldn't, until Hoseok kissed him, and his muscles that were so tense in the beginning started to loosen up. He wanted to kiss him back, and so he did, he closed his eyes and, even if in a very self-conscious way, returned the kiss by pouting and parting his lips a little just like Hoseok's.

 

He wondered if he was doing it right. If him, being just who he was, could actually make a person feel good with something like a kiss. Hoseok didn't seem to mind, and with the hand that was cupping Changkyun's cheek he started moving his thumb, slowly and carefully caressing the skin.

Changkyun felt shivers down his spine and hummed softly without noticing. Hoseok heard it and thought it was the cutest hum he had ever heard.

None of them was afraid of that kiss anymore; even Hoseok who took the first step and could seem so cool and calm from the outside, was actually pretty worried about what kind of outcome he could get. Because no matter how bad he wanted to do it, loosing Changkyun would never make it worth it.

 

“ _Please promise me that you won't be haunted by my memory. That you'll find someone who's worth being protected and loved, and who will also love you in the same way. If you have to remember me, I want it to be a happy memory that you can look back to with a light heart.”_

 

He wondered if Hee Young could see him. If ghosts of your beloved ones watching over you were a real thing, he hoped Hee Young was proud of him. It took him four years, but he found it. He found that someone who was worth being protected, loved, and who knew him so well already and cared about him so much to memorize all the things he liked.

Hoseok found Changkyun during a rainstorm, and it happened twice.

That stray dog he thought he was never going to like completely and that he believed would run away from him after the motion of a day became the person, the young man he wished he could keep by his side forever.

Their lips parted, but their eyes were still locked together.

 

«I... I forgot what I wanted to say,» Changkyun spoke fast, his voice as thin as a bird's. He still had red cheeks and red ears and red lips. Hoseok knocked his head softly against his and smiled, Changkyun squeezed his eyes in a flinch.

«You just told me that you like me, Kkukungie,» Hoseok said, trying hard not to laugh in front of someone who literally looked just like a lost puppy.

«You kissed me,» Changkyun pointed his finger at him.

«Yeah, and you kissed me back,» Hoseok mocked him by doing the same.

«Kihyun-hyung was right then.»

 

Hoseok frowned.

 

«I'm sorry but what does Kihyun-ie have to do with this?»

Changkyun lifted both of his arms to mess up his own hair furiously.

«Well, he made me realise my true feelings and I was freaking out because of it and –»

«Which is what you're doing just now, too,» Hoseok interrupted him. He had an amused grin on his face. Changkyun glared at him and he cleared his throat. «Sorry, keep talking,» he said.

«Kihyun-hyung told me that love is supposed to hurt sometimes, but he also told me that it makes you feel happy just by looking at the person you like and complete just by having them being happy by your side,» he sighed and shrugged at the same time. The sweater he was wearing was one of those Hoseok lended him and he realised it just in that moment.

«So, if you're happy now, I would like to – have you by my side for a long time, Hoseok.»

 

 

_How more beautiful can you get?_

 

 

 

The storm had died down.

 

Hoseok reached out for Changkyun with his arm and used it to hug his shoulders. He hugged them tightly and pushed him so close their chests collided.

«Since when are you so good with words, hm?» Hoseok whispered, and he did it while softly strocking the tip of his nose against the crook of Changkyun's neck.

The younger half-closed his eyes and breathed in, his lips pressed on Hoseok's shoulder.

«I'm not. You know I just have no filter between mouth and brain,» he replied in the most obvious tone.

Hoseok bursted out laughing and held him tighter. He wished he could use both of his arms to do that, but they had enough time ahead.

«You're right. And I like it that way,» he finally said, still amused.

 

Changkyun let himself snuggle a little more on the older's chest, careful not to hurt him in any sort of way.

 

«Hoseok,» he called him with softest and sleepish voice.

«Yeah,» Hoseok wouldn't stop smiling. Oh, his cheeks hurt. He patted Changkyun's head.

«Minhyuk-hyung and Jooheon-hyung are going on a date soon,» now Changkyun's voice cracked, almost as if he had a dry throat.

«Seems like it,» Hoseok turned his head to peep at his face. «What about that?»

«I want to go on a date too.»

«...»

«You don't want to? Wait, is it weird asking it like that?!»

«It's not. It's kind of cute, actually.»

«Uugh -- I don't care about being cute, though.»

«Right. You just want to go on a date.»

«Yes.»

«Then we'll have ten, twenty of them.»

«... uh? Excuse m– »

«We're going to go on so many dates that you'll need a break from me,» Hoseok said as he lifted his head and pocked Changkyun's forehead with his index finger. Changkyun took the chance to open his mouth and pretend he was going to bite it, but Hoseok pulled his hand away way faster. «No bites.» He murmured.

«Let's go to the amusement park, and to the beach too. Oh, and I've heard about this place where they make huge ice-creams with the craziest toppings, let's try that too. What about the zoo? I don't really like seeing animals in cages so maybe a natural park. Is there one near Seoul?»

 

Changkyun blinked his eyes in expectation, Hoseok nodded.

 

«Great. There's the cinema too. But we should go when they have movies we're sure we like so that none of us gets bored. Hyungwon told me he's been to Jeju Island once and that it's pretty cool there. I've never taken a plane though...»

«What about we just go anywhere we want to?» Hoseok proposed, tilting his head a little.

 

Changkyun pouted his lips. «Right, we can do that,» he muttered shyly.

 

It felt strange, but not necessairly in a bad way.

They just kissed, confessed their feelings to eachother in their own, unique way, yet it was like nothing really changed. They were still themselves, and they acted just as always, maybe showing a bit more affection - kissing wasn't really something they used to do before, right? -.

 

Hoseok was happy about it.

 

«Hey, Hoseok,» Changkyun called him again. He would never get tired of it.

«Yes?»

«About me knowing nothing about your past... you don't have to tell me now. I know I told you I'm an egoist too but I think there's a reason why you never talked about it before so – I'll just wait. You can tell me little by little if you prefer. Anyways, just do it when you're comfortable to.»

 

_You've grown so much._

 

Hoseok smiled and nodded. He patted Changkyun's hair once again.

«I will, that's a promise.»

 

 

_I'm proud of you._

 

 

Changkyun smiled back at him. That smile showed his teeth and accentuated his dimples, the shape of his lips so unique and his eyes sparkling as Hoseok could reflect himself into them. He never felt more gratified.

 

«It's kind of late, should we go to sleep?» Changkyun said, looking up at the clock on the wall in front of him. It was two and a half in the morning.

«We should. Do you want to?» Hoseok asked, he used his fingers to move some of Changkyun's hair away from his eyes.

«Can we watch cartoons instead?»

«I wonder what kind of “cartoons” are being broadcasted at this hour...»

«Pervert,» Changkyun whispered.

«What? It's true,» Hoseok glared at him with a frown.

Changkyun reached for the recorder and switched on the tv.

«See?» he said, pointing at the screen. «It's Dragon Ball Z.»

Hoseok rolled his eyes and smirked.

«Fine, let's watch it,» he said. «But you better go to sleep soon because you're going to do the laundry and clean the whole apartment tomorrow.»

Changkyun fastly turned his head at the other. He couldn't be serious, right?

«You're joking,» he hissed, his voice flat.

Hoseok looked down at him and blinked his eyes.

«Joking? Me? Oh no,» he moved his torso so that he could show him his shoulder and arm in a plaster one more time. «See? I can't do anything.»

Changkyun groaned and waved his legs frenetically as he whined.

«Shit, I hate you,» he said.

Hoseok pulled his ear and grinned devilshly.

«I thought you loved me?»

 

 

_Because I love you._

_I love everything about you._

 

 

Changkyun wasn't looking at him anymore, and blushed.

 

«Shut up. I changed my mind.»

«Kkukungie.»

«I'm not listening.»

 

 

“ _I didn't thank him properly, that's true. But I'll do it as soon as we get back home.”_

 

 

Changkyun had his hands over his ears, Hoseok took one of his wrists and pulled it away. He kissed that wrist, he kissed the back of his neck.

 

 

“ _You can count on it.”_

 

 

 

«Thank you.»

 

 

 

 

_You found me too._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried while finishing this, i think that's enough to explain my feelings right now. 
> 
> the main story of "Stray Dog" has officially ended, but a little surprise is about to come, that's why there's still one chapter left. i may be repeating myself, but this would really be possible without you guys. your support, your comments gave me the energy to finish this story during a period of my life that hasn't always been the brightest. 
> 
> thank you all for everything, thank you (for finding me). 
> 
> 'till the last bit, bye bye <3


	15. Stray Dog 2.0 - Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.  
> It took me two months for many reasons: the main one is that I didn't want this story to end. But you guys deserved an epilogue just as much as Hoseok and Changkyun did, so I here am.  
> It's been a while.
> 
> ( Also, please read the note at the end VERY CAREFULLY. There's a surprise. )

  
  
  
  


 

 

_Stray Dog 2.0_

_(The Epilogue)_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are many ways in which a story could end.

 You get happy endings, bad endings, cliff-hangers, and last but not least, _those_ endings.

  _Those_ endings are the ones that leave you with a sense of emptiness and the unbearable weight of nostalgia inside your heart, because what you've been reading until the very last sentence was worth to be read, and because you've somehow found yourself attached to it.

This kind of ending is what this story wants to achieve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_One year later._

 

 

 

 

We've got the same old two-rooms apartment, with the same creaking doors and the same defective windows making the whole place kind of drafty. Hoseok had tried to fix them multiple times, but egg crates don't last too long nor they look that pleasing to the eye (reason why Kihyun would remove them at every single visit). Money was still kind of an issue, but they were being pretty good at saving so a small renovation could be finally possible. They just needed to hold on a little bit more. They, because nothing had changed since that night. The night when Hoseok came out of the hospital and Changkyun considered it to be the right time to confess his feelings for him. That stray dog he found in the street on a rainy late afternoon; the cheerful, loud, naïve and curious young man who has been messing his life to the better, was still living with him. And he was going to stay.

Hoseok's apartment became _their_ apartment (it already was, as Hoseok never failed to remark, but let's say that they somehow made it 'official', by placing Changkyun's name tag on the doorbell), and the queen-sized bed they had been sharing from the very first day wasn't “too small” anymore.

Rather than that, nothing much changed between them.

Well. They'd kiss, quite a lot.

Mostly because Hoseok felt like kissing Changkyun at every minute of every hour of every day.

If Changkyun was happy, smiling brightly with that beautiful lips' shape of his, Hoseok would kiss him. If Changkyun was angry, at him or at someone or something else, Hoseok would hold his hands and force him to face him, and then kiss him. If Changkyun was sad, for whatever reason, or scared and crying out of fear, because memories of the past never really fade away completely, Hoseok would drag him to bed, hold him close and kiss him until Changkyun's tears became his, drinking them as they fell between their lips.

Changkyun loved kissing and displays of affection just as much as Hoseok, with the only difference that there were moments when he would get awkward about it. Hoseok found it funny, because sometimes Changkyun would look at him straight in the eyes and ask him if he was being “good at it”. Even after a whole year, that puppy would put Hoseok's needs before his own and despite the older telling him not to worry about it, Changkyun couldn't help it.

 

Hoseok's mom visited them pretty often.

 

She was doing better: no more breakdowns nor fear of going outside. Knowing that her precious son had finally found someone to love after what happened with Hee Young, and that that someone was no other than the adorable and good-looking Changkyun, she was more than happy to show her support. She would show up at their door with hand made food, garments, and join them for lunch almost every Sunday.

Changkyun knew Hoseok was happy.

He could read it into his eyes as they were looking at his mother.

After being told Mrs. Shin's past conditions, he could finally understand Hoseok's deep affection and sense of protection towards the woman. He could be overprotective at times, even just as much as he was with Changkyun. He would worry about every step she'd take without making it obvious.

“ _You know, Changkyun-ah, my son is a very good person,”_ Mrs. Shin once told him, both of them sitting on the sofa while Hoseok wasn't around.

“ _Maybe he didn't tell you, but he calls me everyday. Isn't it funny?”_ She was smiling. Those were the moments when Changkyun could recognize Hoseok's features in hers.

“ _I have friends at the cooking club... mothers who often complain about their children never visiting them nor making a phone call every once in a while. And they are so jealous of me, you know? Because my Hoseok is so nice, always taking care of me...”_

 She was right.

“ _...I'm so happy, and proud of course. But don't you think he should start focusing on himself more, too? I'm feeling better now, and I... I want to be more independent so that Hoseok can stop worrying about me this much.”_

 

Changkyun obviously had no idea how it felt to have parents, but hearing those words, he was glad to at least have the chance to look at a proud mother's face. It was a beautiful sight he wished he could enjoy for a very long time.

 

 

Hyunwoo and Kihyun announced their marriage a few months later after the accident with Mr. Kim happened, and the ceremony was planned for the spring of the next year. He remembered that night when they were having dinner at their house. Everyone were gathered in the dining room and Hyunwoo got up from his chair in such a hurry that he hit his pelvis against the table and started agonizing, so Kihyun had to do the announcement in his place. They all screamed and clapped their hands in joy, and that became a memory that Changkyun was always going to cherish.

 

As for Minhyuk and Jooheon, they were doing well. Very well, actually. Jooheon was now a fully-fledged surgeon and because of that he got pretty busy, but he'd still find the time to meet up with them every now and then. Minhyuk quit the job at the nightclub and moved in with Jooheon in the latter's apartment which wasn't that far from Hoseok and Changkyun's, and obviously he was still working at the game store. Changkyun enjoyed to go there the most.

 

 

So, nothing much changed between Hoseok and Changkyun.

As for the world around them, it seemed to be spinning around so fast. Maybe there was still something they had to work on.

 

 

 

 

 ***

 

 

 

 

_One day, 5 years since Hee Young's death._

 

 

 

The restaurant was crowded, which was kind of unusual during lunch time. Hyunwoo could be seen spinning from one table to the other, back and forth from the entrance where he would welcome the new customers. Kihyun was a bundle of nerves, of course, his hands cutting and cooking at the speed of light. He was used to deal with numerous orders at one time yet his vice of aiming excellence was driving him crazy. No one, except Hyunwoo, dared to speak to him.

«Orders for table number 7 are ready to go! Hoseok, come get them before the soup gets cold!» He yelled.

«On my way,» Hoseok replied from the other side of the kitchen's door. He was grinning, like the devil he was, watching that little framed friend of his being so focused and passionate about his job. No matter what, Kihyun would always look funny to him. He took the orders, expertly placing every single dish on his forearms and taking the lasts in his hands. He turned his head just a moment, only to glance at Changkyun who, yes, was there too and was wearing the same suit as his. But Changkyun was too busy explaining the new orders to the cooks and therefore didn't notice. Hoseok smiled, fondly, too enamoured to even care about the dumb expression he was showing. He stood there, just for another few seconds, only to be kicked out by a raging Kihyun.

«Do you have any lesson after this shift, Changkyun-ie?» Hyungwon approached Changkyun from behind his shoulders. He didn't need to ask for anyone to move away while trying to reach for the top shelves in the kitchen: being the tallest had its benefits and he'd rely on every single one of them. He stretched his arms and opened the pantry above Changkyun's head and took a couple of glass bowls in his right hand.

«I do,» Changkyun sighed, hunching his shoulders at the thought. «“Personal Defense” at 5 and - yes, yes. Two Carbonaras it is, thank you - “Constitutional, International and Community Law” at 6.» He ripped a couple of papers from his notebook and left them to the cooks, then quickly moved towards the fridges so that he wouldn't be in the way.

Hyungwon hummed, and used his free hand to mess up Changkyun's hair.

«Working here and studying to become a police officer at the same time must be hard,» he said, looking a bit worried. «Are you sure you can keep it up until you get your diploma?»

«I have to, and I want to,» Changkyun replied, hinting a smile. «Hoseok doesn't want me to use my own money for bills or anything else regarding the apartment, but paying for my own studies and getting a diploma is the least I can do. For both of us, I mean.»

 

No matter how much time had passed, Changkyun would still get shy when talking about his and Hoseok's relationship. Hyungwon smiled, staring at the tips of his friend's ears getting red.

 

«You're right,» he said. «Just hang on and don't stress yourself too much, okay?» He winked at him and walked back to his working spot, leaving Changkyun to his job and a flustered expression painted all over his face. He was always thankful to Hyungwon for being such a supportive and close friend to him. He was also one of his role models, because despite what Kihyun might say and all the bickering always going on, Hyungwon worked very hard to earn his place in the kitchen as the new sous-chef.

 

 

Changkyun remembered the day he decided he wanted to become a police officer very clearly. He could never forget, because that was also the first time he and Hoseok had a real argument. Hoseok knew he had no claim on Changkyun's decisions about the career he wanted to pursue, yet he couldn't help being worried. And he hated it. Fact was that, Hoseok's way of showing his concern could sometimes result in cold manners and that's when Changkyun's hot temper blew out. It's like putting ice against fire. It took a while, not too much but it was still an intense period of time, for Hoseok to accept it. Or better, to accept the fact that Changkyun could be put in dangerous situations and that he was going to be brave and skilled enough to overcome them and get back home safely.

 

Changkyun too, he couldn't be mad at Hoseok. First of all, because he loved him. Second of all, because they were not that different from each other and he knew that if Hoseok would come up to him telling him that he decided to quit his job at the restaurant for a more dangerous, even if better paid one, he would act just the same as the older if not worst.

 

 

“ _I know you're going to be good at it,”_ Hoseok told him.

“ _If that's so, why are you so mad?”_

“ _Kkukkungie. I'm not mad.”_

 

The transition from arguing to holding each other's hands and sharing neck kisses was surprisingly fast.

 

“ _Then what?”_

“ _I just – I loose my mind at the thought of you possibly getting hurt.”_

 

 

 

_I know, it's the same for me too._

_Idiot._

 

 

 

 

*** 

 

 

 

 

 

_That same day._

 

 

 

Hoseok would pick Changkyun up from school at least twice every week. The place wasn't that far from their apartment, just a few blocks away and Changkyun could easily go there by foot, but Hoseok insisted he'd pick him up with his car everytime he could. Before meeting Changkyun, he would barely use that car. He kept at his mother's for so long and for two simple reasons: Seoul's traffic, which he was definitely not a fan of, and car expenses.

Both him and Changkyun preferred to take public transports most of the times, simply because it was cheaper and, in the younger's opinion, more entertaining. Hoseok never went back to the topic with Changkyun, he refused to, but he couldn't help thinking that it was due to his past if he was so excited about the most ordinary things.

 

Changkyun enjoyed watching people going around for their daily routines.

 

He could have been able to focus on the tiniest details on a sleeping old man's face while on the subway. He'd connect with kids pretty easily, making them laugh with funny faces or engaging in any kind of conversations regarding cartoons or action movies. Hoseok, on the contrary, didn't really go well with kids. He'd blame it on them, claiming that it was the kids not liking him and when Changkyun would make fun of him because of that, he'd simply respond with the same sentence: _“The only reason they like you this much is because you're a baby yourself, little brat.”_ Changkyun hated it to the point of not talking to him for the next one or two hours when it happened, and Hoseok would still enjoy the sight of his pouty face.

 

But truth was that Changkyun was kind-hearted and honest.

 

The reason why kids and people in general fell in love with him so easily wasn't just because of his good looks and definitely not because of the reason Hoseok would tease him with.

Changkyun had some kind of aura around him. It was magnetic, it felt warm and safe. His eyes were full of wonders and wherever they looked, no matter how ordinary or unimpressive at first, that spot became the most interesting place on Earth.

 

In other terms, Changkyun was everything Hoseok wasn't, and Hoseok knew that pretty damn well. He was so aware that he'd wonder, sometimes, if his presence would somehow spoil such innocence and purity radiating from his partner.

When picking him up from school, he'd see Changkyun chatting and waving at those couple of friends he had finally been able to make. He'd wait for him, never rushing him to get in the car, because there was no reason to.

 

Changkyun had lost enough of his time already, and Hoseok wished he could give up on some of the years he had left to live and give them to him. So that Changkyun could finally enjoy the childhood that had been taken away from him, so that he wouldn't have to deal with nightmares ever again.

 

But that one time Changkyun was pretty fast and ran into the car as soon as he stepped out of the school's entrance. It was the 16th of December, weather was cold and windy and Christmas holidays were just around the corner.

«Do you think it's going to snow?» was the first thing Changkyun said as he sat inside the car. Hoseok looked at him with a straight face and raised a brow.

«Hello to you too. How was your day, Hoseok? Oh, nothing much. The usual. Kihyun nagging, customers expecting a 5 Michelin Stars quality service... oh, and Minhyuk calling me on the phone during break time to whine about Jooheon being too tired from work to have sex every night... Yeah, thanks for asking, I've been doing great today,» he replied and showed an ironic smile.

Changkyun stood still with his left hand holding the safety belt blocked in mid air. He looked at Hoseok and pulled out the same exact expression: sometimes he really found it hard to believe that that guy was actually the older between them.

«I leave you alone for four hours and you suddenly become all touchy,» he nodded to himself and then hummed. «I'm impressed.»

Hoseok's smile turned into a grin as he leaned closer to Changkyun to fasten the safety belt for him.

«That's right, and also one of the reasons why you should never leave my side for too long,» his voice was low and he was doing it on purpose. Changkyun knew that, just like he knew that he was intentionally keeping his face so close to his.

«I can become really unbearable,» Hoseok added.

Changkyun clicked his tongue and shook his head.

«What are you talking about? You're always like that,» he replied.

Then he reached for Hoseok's face with his right hand. He tapped the silky and soft pale skin with the tips of his fingers, then quickly changed his mind and pinched it. Hoseok flinched, but didn't pull away.

 

Maybe they should have cared about the open windows, maybe they should have noticed they were still parked in front of Changkyun's police academy. Maybe, but they didn't. It was like that before and it was always going to be: when Hoseok and Changkyun were together, everything and everyone else around them faded in a meaningless jumble of colors and sounds. And so, just like he'd do inside the safety of his house – because that was anywhere Changkyun was –, Hoseok closed his eyes and kissed him. Softly at first, then their lips parted, tongues feeling and following each other effortlessly like notes on a pentagram. Slow, moist and intense kisses like it's always the first time; and while Changkyun was using his right arm to hug Hoseok's neck, Hoseok had his left palm on Changkyun's thigh and was squeezing it gently. He loved the feeling of it, the shape and texture and scent of Changkyun's body in general. Funny to think that he had actually seen him naked during their first meeting, of which Changkyun had no memory of but from the moment he woke up in Hoseok's bed, wearing Hoseok's clothes. Also funny, to think that Changkyun would wear them so often now, no matter the circumstances. Hoseok's clothes were undeniably too big for him, yet the most comfortable to wear.

All those things that he wouldn't have even dared to think about just one year before, were now to be considered more than natural.

 

Changkyun had the weird but pleasant habit of biting when they kissed, and that time was not an exception. He took Hoseok's bottom lip in his teeth and pulled it unceremoniously, smiling smugly as he did. Hoseok had no complains about it, obviously; he'd let Changkyun bite onto his lips as many times as the younger desired to, but he still found it entertaining to bother him a little.

So he pulled away from the kiss, and knocked his forehead against his.

«Hey, no biting,» he whispered.

«I can't help it,» Changkyun replied. He tilted his head to the side and shrugged. «I'm a dog, right?»

“ _Oh, so now you're okay with it...”,_ Hoseok thought, his eyes sinking in the curves of that cheeky smile forming on the other's damp, slightly flushed lips. He was surprised, or more correctly amused, by how much braver Changkyun became with words. Or maybe, it was all about them getting more comfortable with each other. After more than a year spent together, you'd expect such things from anyone, but Hoseok and Changkyun weren't like any other couple. They weren't _just_ a couple. They were more than that, and Hoseok was very well aware of it, and he was proud. He was an egoist, too, and would have never exchanged Changkyun with anyone else.

 

Anyone.

 

Even...

 

«So, how was your day, our soon-to-be police dog?» He asked.

Changkyun blinked his eyes, caught off guard not by the question, but by the sudden change in Hoseok's demeanor. The older moved away, put his hands back on the steering wheel, and Changkyun felt like all the warmth in his body had been washed away off him.

«It was good,» he said. «One of the guys almost made me slam my nose on the floor during “Personal Defense”, but...»

Hoseok started the car with way too much vehemence for it to be ignored. Changkyun held onto his seat.

«Are you in a rush?» he asked, then turned his head to look at him. «Hoseok?»

And Hoseok smiled, his eyes glued on the street which seemed to be different from the one they'd usually take to go back home. Changkyun frowned.

«Are we going somewhere?» he asked again.

«Yes,» Hoseok finally replied, then glanced at him for a moment. «Did that guy at the academy hurt you?»

«No, I almost hit the floor because my foot slipped,» Changkyun explained. «So, where are we going exactly?»

There was no way they'd lie to each other. That was one of the silent promises they made after what happened with Changkyun's past and that Mr. Kim guy. Hoseok has never been one to mince words, but when it was Changkyun's feelings he had to be careful about, it wasn't that easy. Hoseok sighed, then stretched his lips in a smile.

«Let's say I have an appointment,» he said.

But Changkyun wasn't as naïve as he seemed to be. He looked at Hoseok's smile and recognized the melancholy that was hidden behind it. It was a rare sight, and that was why it was so easy for him to notice. That smile had its own, unique meaning... and then he realized: it was Winter. Changkyun felt his stomach up to his throat.

«You know you're not forced to take me with you, don't you?»

Such words tasted bitter on his tongue, but what else was he supposed to say?

«It's about Hee Young, isn't it?» He added, and turned to look out of the window.

 

Yes, he knew about Hee Young. He knew it all, because Hoseok told him a few weeks after they came back from the hospital. Changkyun didn't complain: he was the first one who wanted to know more about Hoseok's past and when he got all the answers to his questions, he was left with conflicted feelings.

 

He felt sorry, for making Hoseok remember such a painful tragedy. He felt sad, and angry, for a sweet and kind person to die at such a young age and for the oh-so-called fate for being so cruel with Hoseok, to the point of making him feel guilty for the rest of his life... and then there was that small part of him who felt scared. Suffocating, under constant pressure. Because who Hee Young was, what she represented to Hoseok... how was Changkyun supposed to fill those holes? Hoseok loved Hee Young and Hee Young loved Hoseok and that probably never changed, because the only one thing that tore them apart, was death.

«Yes,» Hoseok said without a sign of discomfort. They left the main road and turned right to a more narrow, uphill climb, with trees and bushes up both sides.

«And precisely because it's about Hee Young, I'm taking you with me,» Hoseok continued.

Changkyun's eyes opened wide. _“Precisely because it's about Hee Young”_ , he said? What was that supposed to mean?

«Hoseok, listen...»

«I know what you're thinking, Kkukkungie,» Hoseok interrupted him. Their car seemed to be the only one riding that road so he allowed himself to look at Changkyun. «On this day, I've been coming here alone for four years. This time, on the fifth anniversary of her passing, I want you to be with me.»

Changkyun held his breath, his eyes were shaking in nervousness for what was about to follow. He glanced at the street, and lifted his right hand to cover his mouth when his eyes discerned the words engraved on a stone wall at the sides of a huge gate.

 

“ _Seoul Memorial Park”._

 

«I think it's time for me to tell her something,» Hoseok parked the car beside the wall on the opposite side from the cemetery's entrance. He was smiling, being the strongest out of them, and put his hand on Changkyun's head to ruffle his hair. «What about you?» He asked.

That's what it was all about.

Changkyun wasn't the only one who could tell when Hoseok was drowning in memories of the one he had loved so dearly. To be fairly honest, Changkyun wasn't good at hiding his emotions and that made it way too easy for Hoseok to tell when there was something wrong.

Hee Young was Hoseok's past, not Changkyun's. It was Hoseok's duty to bear with it, to finally let it go, and let himself and Changkyun be happy all way round.

 

When they entered the cemetery, Hoseok straight away grabbed Changkyun's hand. He could feel the younger's body being stiff, his hand a bit sweaty, and when he looked at him he saw his pale face and his lips being tortured by his teeth.

«Kkukkungie,» he called him, and felt a little relieved when Changkyun straight away looked up at him. He smirked and gave him a soft nudge. «Don't be nervous.»

«I'm not...» Changkyun murmured, but he couldn't deny that his lips were hurting from all the biting.

“ _I'm worried about you. Do you think I can't tell? You don't have to act strong for me,”_ Changkyun thoughts spoke his heart but he wasn't able to talk them out. Not yet, not there.

He was trying his best to ignore the filed of gravestones they were walking on. By keeping his head down, he could focus on their hands holding each other, and that reassured him. Changkyun wasn't scared of death, but after spending most part of his life wishing he could just die to put an end to his pain, he felt guilty for being there, breathing, living.

 

If all the people buried there could speak, what would they say?

 

«Here we are,» Hoseok said, unconsciously shaking Changkyun's thoughts away.

They stopped in front of a bunch of beautiful, white, fresh lilies. Petals sprinkled in water, glistening as sunlight attached to them. In that very moment, Changkyun thought, it felt like all the sadness of the place was cast out.

«These lilies... Hee Young's mother comes here every week to change them so they're always fresh. Lilies were Hee Young's favorites,» Hoseok murmured with a soft smile, looking at him. Their hands were still holding each other tightly, as none of them had the slightest intention to let go. For different reasons, they still needed each other's support.

Changkyun breathed in, and looked down again. He focused on the gravestone, perfectly clean and elegant, and on the words engraved on the surface.

 

_'Park Hee Young, 24 th May 1994 - 16th December 2013'._

 

“ _So short...”,_ his heart was aching. It was so unfair.

He looked at her picture, but that just made it worse. She was beautiful. Her smile was wide, her cheeks looked so round and her eyes so big and gentle. She was wearing an over-sized beige sweater that made her look so petite and approachable. Changkyun was sure that he would've liked her, a lot.

«Hee Young, I'm here,» Hoseok started speaking. Changkyun turned his head to look at him and got caught off guard by the serene expression on the older's face. He had no idea what he was expecting, everything happened way too quickly that day, but he still couldn't believe that Hoseok was smiling like that. After all, the person he was talking to... was dead. Or maybe Changkyun wasn't able to understand. How could he? He had no idea how it felt to loose someone so precious, so important. Only recently he discovered how it felt to be scared of it, because he had Hoseok by his side and... he couldn't bear the idea of losing him. Hoseok was his starting point, he meant everything to him, and now he was wondering if for Hoseok and Hee Young was the same.

«I brought someone with me today, but I know you don't mind,» Hoseok started talking as if Changkyun wasn't able to hear, and the younger couldn't understand why. Hoseok's fingers squeezed his, gently, and pulled him closer. Their shoulders were touching. Changkyun was right there, then why was Hoseok acting like that?

«It's been five years already. I guess you can tell something's different this time.»

A cold breeze was blowing, trees and flowers started moving with it and just like them, Hoseok felt like he was about to bend under the pressure of holding it in. For himself, and mostly for Changkyun. Every second he spent in front of that gravestone was a knife to the heart. And he was tired, exhausted. He waited for a moment.

«A little more than one year ago, on a rainy day, I found a stray dog. You know very well that dogs aren't my type, but I took him with me anyway,» he used his left hand to scratch his nape. He could feel Changkyun's eyes piercing his face. That was good, because he wanted Changkyun to give those words his full attention.

«His name is Changkyun. He's childish, loud, pretty naïve, and way too stubborn,» he laughed briefly. Changkyun frowned.

«Actually, he's not really a dog. But I thought it would be easier for me to take care of him, while associating him to something I didn't like. And the reason why I did that, is you.»

Hoseok squeezed their hands together even harder, to the point of hurting, but Changkyun didn't even flinch: most part of the pain he could ever feel was concentrated into his chest.

 

Hoseok's expression changed, he looked sad. That was the first time Changkyun had seen him like that.

«Hee Young, it's always been you. I loved you. I loved you to the point of not letting myself feeling the same thing for anyone else after you left. Because you know, the sense of guilt has been haunting me for this whole time. For five years, I – I've been blaming myself for everything that happened. And for not being there when you most needed me, for that damn one single hour in which I left you and you were dying, I'm sorry. I didn't keep my promise.»

 

Those words were just too painful to listen to. Hoseok's voice has never sounded that weak. Changkyun could see his lips trembling, his eyes shaking, and he wished he could heal all that pain. He would've done anything. That serene smile from before, was slowly fading.

 

«But five years is enough,» Hoseok breathed out, and it sounded almost like an accusation. And that was when Changkyun understood: what Hoseok was doing, was getting rid of the painful memories that have been torturing him for so long. He wasn't letting go of Hee Young, but he was telling her that he was ready to go on. That, from that moment on, he was going to look forward and cherish her memory as it was. A beautiful memory of someone he had loved.

«I'm not going to be bound to you anymore, not as I've been doing until now,» Hoseok continued, resolutely. «This is what you've always wanted, right? I'm sorry it took me so long, but I've finally found it.»

 

Wind got stronger, leaves were spinning and flying everywhere. Hoseok let go of Changkyun's hand and pulled him closer by his shoulder instead. Changkyun looked up but his eyes didn't meet with the other's. Yet he noticed, Hoseok's were teary. He was holding it all in behind the residues of a smile that Changkyun knew was empty of meanings. A shield so strong that Hoseok has been using for a very long time. But no shield lasts forever, and Hoseok's has been nicked over the years to the point of break.

«I've found that someone who's worth being protected and loved. As I said, he's loud, childish and stubborn. He's everything I thought I could have never liked and yet I fell in love with him. Changkyun is Changkyun with both his good sides and those sides that piss me off so bad. I'm taking them all, and I'm going to keep him by my side.»

 

Hoseok and Changkyun never said _“I love you”_ to each other.

 

Maybe because they felt like it was somehow implied, or because while one of them was still too busy fighting his own demons, the other didn't know how to deal with strong feelings that were such a new thing. But there was no turning back now. Right in front of Hee Young, Hoseok said he loved Changkyun. It may have seemed like he was making a choice, but it was nothing like that. He was going to remember Hee Young, while letting himself love Changkyun.

And Changkyun, whose body was shaking and not only because of the cold wind, finally met Hoseok's eyes and mouthed a “What?” with the most dumbfounded and lost expression.

Hoseok smile changed. It got wider, it was showing his beautiful teeth. Despite the tears on the verge of falling, he looked extremely relieved.

«I'm done,» he said. Was he really holding a laugh?

After such an intense, endless, surely painful moment...

 

Changkyun didn't know what to say. Or better, he knew, but it wasn't Hoseok who he needed to talk to. Not yet.

His heart was beating so fast it was almost scary, and he wished for all the things he wanted to say to properly come out of his mouth. He stretched his back and stepped a bit forward. Hee Young's resting place didn't look that intimidating anymore.

 

«He-hello, I mean...», he sighed. That wasn't it. «I'm sorry, I'm not good with words so I'll go straight to the point.»

Hoseok was standing behind him, looking lost and for the first time not expecting what the other was going to say. Changkyun cleared his throat.

«I know this was supposed to be your place, not mine,» he said. He had both of his hands closed in tight fists. «I'm sorry, and I'm not saying it out of courtesy. I really am sorry, noona. I didn't have the chance to know you, but from what Hoseok told me now I know you were such a kind person, with a beautiful heart. It makes me angry, because someone like you had to leave so early. It's not fair.»

Changkyun couldn't stand still while Hoseok was frozen on his spot, eyes opened wide and glued on the younger's back.

 

_You look so strong just now._

_Why can't we just stop saving each other?_

 

«Noona, you know how Hoseok is. He calls me childish, stubborn, but he's not that different, right? He's full of flaws, just like me. And just like me, he's been hurt for so long. And during that period when I had no memories of my past, Hoseok took very good care of me. He did all of that while still fighting his own demons, and I had no idea. Because of that, I apologize to you too.»

He lowered his back and then slowly knelt down. It was something that had to be done.

«Changkyun,» Hoseok whispered, Changkyun ignored him and placed both hands on his own laps, then kept talking.

«I may not be the best person out there, but I'm still trying my best to become the one who Hoseok deserves. Since the day he told me about you, I've been fighting with the fear of not being enough. But I'm sorry, I know this may be a bit selfish, but... I love Hoseok, too. I've been ignorant for so long, but now I know what loving someone means and I love him, noona. I really do.»

He didn't take into account the possibility of blushing, but he did, and now he understood Hoseok even better: it really felt like Hee Young was right there, listening carefully and patiently.

 

«This probably wasn't supposed to be my place at first, but I'm here now and... I want you to know that I won't give up on him.»

 

When Changkyun got up, he felt his left arm being grabbed and pulled and ended up with his face a few inches from Hoseok's.

The older was shocked, but he didn't look angry. That was good.

Changkyun blinked, then smiled at him.

«You're arrogant, complicated, and you got me the ugliest of nicknames. But you saved my life, and then turned it for the better. All the things you did for me, even the smallest and the ones you tried to hide, I've noticed them all. I'm still that stray dog you've rescued from the street, and I'd be happy to have a secured spot by your side. I love you, Hoseok.»

 

Those tears Hoseok has been holding not for that day only, but for five whole years, came out all at once. His grip around Changkyun's arm was so tight his hand was shaking, but Changkyun didn't complain and decided to bear with the pain. Hoseok was crying right in front of his eyes and for the first time he was looking so fragile, so tired.

 

«You told me so many times and I'm telling you now,» Changkyun spoke again, with a much more soft and low tone. He couldn't help it. He lowered his head and looked up to catch the older's eyes, but they were filled with tears and there was no way he could've seen him properly. Changkyun knocked their foreheads together, just like they would always do.

«You won't have to always be strong anymore. I'm here,» he murmured. «I'll always be here.»

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

On their way back to the car, as they were walking hand in hand, Hoseok stopped many times only to make Changkyun look at him and ask him questions like _“Are you for real?”_ , or _“Did you really mean that?”._ And Changkyun for the first time thought that he was adorable.

«Why would I lie?», he replied as they crossed the gate. The mood was undeniably different than before. «Do you want me to shout it out so that you'll believe me?»

Hoseok playfully smacked the back of his head.

«Don't be stupid, you brat. This isn't the right place to do it.»

Changkyun pouted his lips and started massaging the targeted spot. He was waiting for Hoseok to get the car open.

«But you didn't say you don't want it,» he smirked.

«That's true,» Hoseok admitted as he bent down to enter the car. Changkyun followed, he fastened his safety-belt and relaxed his back onto the seat.

«Hey, Hoseok,» he turned his head to the side. Hoseok was busy driving, and Changkyun smiled when he noticed his eyes were still puffy and a bit red from the crying. «Do you think it's going to snow?» He asked softly.

Hoseok let out a short laugh at the question, remembering that he never gave Changkyun a proper answer to it.

 

It was too early to tell, so he had no idea.

But it was okay. Time was on their side now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Hey, Hoseok._

_Did you know?_

_I'd go through the same path_

_Over and over again_

_Only to be found by you_

_And no other._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's over.  
>  I swear I've been writing and editing and writing this epilogue all over again for I don't know how long. It took me two months to work on it and I'm sorry, as always, because I always think I could've done better.  
>  But I hope you liked it, even just a little bit, and that this story gave you at least a quarter of what it gave me. I've cried during the whole final part, and let it all out at Changkyun's quote at the end. Anyone could tell you "it's just a story", but we know it's way more than that. I'll have to let go something I've been working on for almost a year, and it doesn't seem real. 
> 
> I'll never be grateful enough for all the support I've received until now. You guys have been patient and cheered me up during my ups and downs and you know how low my self confidence can get.
> 
> Thank you, for supporting my work.  
>  Thank you, for always being so kind to me.  
>  Thank you, for everything nice and helpful you said.  
>  And thank you for waiting until now.
> 
> I love you so much, I'll see you in my new adventure > "The You In Me" ( link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16209083/chapters/37884416 )
> 
> Sia

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello ~ an italian monbebe here!  
> this is my first fan fiction about monsta x and also my first time writing something in english after a VERY long time so please bear with me and my possible mistakes. 
> 
> there's nothing much I have to say but I hope you guys enjoy this fic, it's nothing much and the chapters won't be the longest you've ever seen but when the idea popped in my mind I had to catch it!
> 
> thank you guys in advance if you decided to click on my title and read my work! <3
> 
> have fun with the first chapter!
> 
> !! also, if you want to find me on socials so we can be monbebes together(???):
> 
> twitter (mostly monsta x centered): @icedllatte  
> instagram: @icedllatte


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